An Ounce of Restraint
by Karalena Cullen
Summary: WARNING extreme slash and some disturbing content. Lex catches Clark skinny dipping and there's no controling what happens next. But after Clark rejects him he speeds out of Smallville and into trouble...
1. Chapter 1

It had all started off innocently enough. I was only stopping in briefly on my way home from a long and tedious day at the plant. I was simply going to give him an early birthday present, two tickets to the Sharks next home game in Metropolis. I could have just left them back at the house with his mother, but I hadn't wanted to miss watching his gorgeous green eyes light up, and that beaming smile, that I would be responsible for. No, I hadn't wanted to miss out on that, and so now, here is where I find myself.

I'm standing on the bank of the east river, our river where I first beheld those glittering, green eyes after tasting those plump, hard lips after he had breathed life back into me. Yes, I believe I am standing on the very spot I came back to life and looked into the face of my angel.

And now, I find myself unable to avert my eyes from his hard, wet, beautiful body. He's standing almost waist deep in the water. His back is to me and he's completely unaware of me standing here, drooling over him like a starving man might drool over a big, juicy steak he knows he can't have.

He's splashing the cool water over his face, through his dark, wavy hair, up his hard, thick, bulging,arms. And I am thinking that this is the body of a god. And he must be a god, for no mortal being could possiby possess a body of such utter... perfection. I love the way the water is beading off of his sunkissed shoulders, and sliding down his perfectly sculpted back and down over... oh sweet Jesus, the most amazingly beautiful ass I have ever fucking seen!

I don't believe it! I'm looking right at his bare ass, and the blood has officially left my brain and is quickly rushing down... where the hell are his swimming trunks? Why isn't he wearing them? Doesn't he realize that just the sight of his naked body in the water is enough to cause brain aneuryism?

If anyone were to drive accross that bridge right now they'd be able to see him, in all his naked glory! From his broad, smooth chest right down to his... Oh, God! The blood is pounding in my head, my heart feels like it wants to explode out of my chest, and I think I may die right here and now. The effect that Clark Kent, completely naked, almost close enough to touch, is having a paramount effect on certain parts of my anatomy.

I can feel my "lighter than air, you won't feel them there" silk boxers hot, sticky, and wet, clinging uncomfortably. My cock is harder than stone, aching painfully, and throbbing between my legs. My mouth is dry, I realize it's hanging open and I'm practically hyperventilating.

I have to get out of here before I lose control. Before I throw myself into the water, splash my way out there and drop to my knees in front of him to worship him with my mouth, swirling my tongue over... Oh, God! I have to stop. I have to go before I do something I'll regret.

I try to turn around slowly, making as little noise as possible. But my knees are weak and shaking and I stumble. Letting out a curse under my breath, I almost fall head over heels over my own two feet. He hears me and turns around. I try to avert my eyes so as not to embarass him, or myself, but I find that I'm unable to. And even though, his hands are lightening quick to cover his more private parts, he's not quick enough.

He doesn't have time to be embarassed, because now my legs completely give out from under me, and I land hard on my ass, the air whooshing from my body. He rushes over to help me, his face all concern and confusion. "Lex! Are you alright?"

He lifts me to my feet, momentaraly unaware of the fact that his very naked body is pressed tight up against me. But I'm only too aware, and have absolutely no control over the way my body reacts to his touch.

My cock swells between us and twitches against the inside of his naked thigh. His body tenses against me and I hear his breath catch in his throat. I can feel his heart begin to race along with mine, our chests pressed tight together. I chance a look up into his face.

Diamond droplets cling to his thick, dark lashes. Our eyes lock, and my mouth seems to have a mind of its own as it gravitates towards those soft, wet lips.

"Lex?" his voice raspy, questioning. My lips brush gingerly against his, the very whisper of a kiss. I open my mouth for a taste, and he lets me in, I'm finding myself in Heaven. His lips are firm, yet silky, his tongue hot, and tingling sweet, almost spicy. I'm melting into him, my eyelids droop closed, and it seems to be okay because he's not pulling away.

A small groan rises up out of me and Clark's mouth crushes mine, his lips are bruising, his tongue frantic and hungry, entwining into mine. And this can't be happening, I must be dreaming! Or maybe I'm dead? His big, strong hands grab onto my hips and he pulls me tight against him. I can feel his cock hardening, pushing against my stomach. And I don't care if I'm dead, because I never felt this alive in life.

I reach up and grab a fistfull of his wavy locks and pull him closer, and it still isn't close enough. A deep gutteral growl errupts in the back of his throat, and he thrusts his hips forward crushing himself to me. I need his cock. I need to taste him, I need to hear him call my name. I drop to my knees.

Before either of us has a chance to think, I take hold of him and squeeze. A tiny hiss escapes his lips. His solid cock is big and thick and a bead of precome is glistening on the tip. I dart my tongue out and lick at it. His cock twitches at the sensation. I tease the tiny slit with my tongue, running circles around the tip, savouring the taste that is uniquely Clark. I open my mouth wide, and I take him in. His body jerks and sways slightly, he grabs onto my shoulders, steadying himself.

His skin is so soft and smooth, solid and hot in my mouth. My tongue flicks and circles as I suck and move up and down his delicious shaft. With one hand I cup his balls and begin to gently massage. My other hand reaches around to finger lightly at his tight, puckered hole.

"God, Lex..."

My name whispered from his lips, like a prayer, like a drug. And in that moment, my fate is sealed. He thrusts into my mouth hard and forces himself down my throat. I'm suprised but I don't gag. I overcame that reflex a long time ago. An image suddenly flashes in my head.

I'm ten years old, on my knees, tears streaming down my face. I pull away and shake my head to clear the hateful memory out of mind. But it's still there.

My head buzzing and slightly disoriented, I take Clark's cock so violently deep down my throat that I choke and begin to gag.

He pulls away from me and looks down. "Lex, are you okay?"

I'm so angry that I feel the tears start to burn in my eyes. How dare Lionell ruin this for me too. Well, I won't give in. I've wanted this so badly and for so long, that I refuse to allow those dark memories to overcome me. I'm no longer that weak, pathetic little boy desperate for a father's affection and approval.

"Lex?"

Clarks voice brings me out of my dark reverie, and I look up at him now. He looks confused, awkward, and a little affraid.

"Fuck me Clark." My voice is hoarse and shaky, but firm.

"Lex, I don't..."

"Please, Clark, just fuck me. Right here, right now, don't think about it, just do it."

He still seems unsure, but I have to push this. I need this. I need him. I pull my shirt up over my head and begin to unbuckle my belt as I stand up. He's watching me, his eyes hungry, yet uncertain. I pull my shoes off and let my pants drop to my ankles. I'm standing before him completely naked, vulnerable, and I'm begging him to take me. This is the point of no return.

I step out of my pants and take a step towards him. His hard, heavy cock twitches at my touch. My hand squeezes tight, and I pump frantically. His breath quickens and his eyes roll into the back of his head. I reach my other hand around behind him, find his hole, and jam my finger in to the hilt. A strangled cry hitches in his throat, and his hot mouth comes down to devour me. I have discovered and released his animal within.

His hands come down to my hips, and suddenly I'm spinning and looking down at the ground. And I feel his weight on top of me. "Oh." He's quick. His teeth are grazing over the back of my neck, I can feel goose bumps rise up over my flesh. A pain pierces my ear lobe, his thick cock is solid, hot between my legs.

"Is this what you want?" His voice sounds strange, wet, and breathy, so unlike him. It excites me and sets my blood racing.

"Yes." I barely manage to squeak the word out.

His teeth bite down into the back of my neck, and he positions his cock between my ass cheeks. A shiver runs through me.

"Tell me again what you want, Lex."

His words are quiet, seductive, demanding. I open my mouth to answer him, but my throat is closed tight.

His large hand comes down hard on my ass, my whole body convulses as I yelp in surprise. His hand comes down again, the sharp sound of flesh smacking flesh rings loud in my ears and I cry out my answer.

"Fuck me, Clark. Oh, God, please just fuck me!"

The pain is sudden and intense. I feel my hole tear as his huge cock impales me. I claw at the ground as he thrusts all the way in, then tears out, only to thrust into me again and again.

I'm panting his name over and over, "Clark, Clark, CLARK..." And the pain begins to ease, errupting into a throbbing, aching and electrifying current of pleasure so intense. My eyes roll to the back of my head, drool slides down my chin and I shout his name, "CLARK!" as the orgasm rips out of me. Trembling violently I come long and hard.

I scream and buck and it pushes Clark to the edge. I feel him tense above me, with one last violent thrust, digging his nails into the flesh of my hips tearing. "Lexxx..." He cries, and he fills me with his hot come, claiming me, making me his.

"Oh, God, Lex..." he breathes out, wrapping his arms tight around my chest, he collapses on top of me. Panting heavily, he buries his hot face into the nape of my neck and we struggle to catch our breath.


	2. Chapter 2

An Ounce of Restraint by: karacullen23

WARNING: Slash, as in two men having sexual relations. And hints at incest. If this bothers you, please do not read.

Chapter Two Lex's POV

A/N:  
Sorry chapter two took so long to post. My computer is dead! So please have patience with me as I am only able to get online at friends houses and such. Please review!!! This is my very first multi-chapter story and I need lots and lots of feedback! Thank you everyone who has taken the time out of their busy lives to read my humble ramblings. lots o luv to all who read and review :)

***

"Where did you learn how to do that?" I'm tucking in my shirttail. Clark is at the water's edge, already dressed. He's standing with his flannel back to me. His hands hidden deep in the pockets of his dirty blue jeans.

"I dunno... something just kinda came over me. I sorta...lost control." His voice is quiet, slightly trembling. "I'm very, " he takes in a deep breath, and lets it out in a shudder, "...sorry."

This is not what I was expecting to hear. "If anyone should be sorry, Clark, it should be me. After all, I'm the one who would stand trial for corrupting the innocence of a seventeen year old farm boy." I'm smiling, contented. I haven't felt this way since, well, ever. I walk over to him and reach up to touch his broad, worthy of a Greek god statue, shoulder. He flinches and jerks from my touch. I feel my face fall, and my heart rate accelerates. "Clark?"

I try to look into his face, but he keeps it hidden from me. So I try to turn his face towards me, gently with my fingertips under his chin. He takes a step away from me.

"It was a mistake, Lex. I'm sorry."

His whispered words hang like a noxious cloud in the air. "Mistake?" I utter. The word echoes and thuds heavily in my head. "Mistake, Clark?" I step up to him, desperate to see his face,to see the truth in his eyes. I need to know what he's feeling, I need to know what he means. Again he shuffles away from me, his back to me, standing just out of reach. My whole body turns cold. I wrap my shaking arms around myself in an attempt to quelch the sudden chill that is running through me. It doesn't help. I want him to hold me, to take me into his hot, strong arms and kiss me and rock me and tell me that he was just joking. I want him to laugh and... suddenly I'm angry. I'm angry for feeling such an urgent need to be coddled like a helpless infant. I am Lex Luthor, I need no man. Damn you Clark, for making me want you. Damn you for making me love you?

I'm absolutely furious that he's saying this to me and not explaining. Something to do with his secret. I don't know what that is, but for him to not trust me, to not open up to me and just tell me the truth. I'm scared that I may have finally made the horrifying and albeit, inevitable mistake, there's that word again, 'mistake', that accursed word. I've fallen in love! Yes, I love him. I love him and I want him more than I have ever wanted anything before in my life.

"Mistake, Clark! Dammit, I'm not going to apologize. I can't take it back, and I don't want to take it back. And if you really feel that what just happened here between us here was a, mistake, " I hiss the loathsome word, "well I'm sorry you feel that way, but I don't. Do you want to know why I feel that?" He still isn't looking at me and it's just making me panic worse, I let the words spill out of my mouth before I even realizing I'm saying them, "I fucking love you, Clark!"

He finally turns to look at me then, I see a glimpse into his soul, something that looks like pain, that looks like he cares, but it quickly is hidden. "Lex, I, I don't know how to explain this to you, but I just don't..."

"I don't want to hear it. I don't want you to stand there and lie to me again. If you don't have the balls to just speak the truth plainly, then don't speak."

He turns his back to me and I have to swallow the lump that's suddenly in my throat. I go to stand behind him. My voice is calm, dangerous, "I love you, Clark. I do, so much. I guess I was the one who made the mistake. The mistake in thinking, in hoping, that maybe you felt the same way about me."

I take a deep breath and let the air out in a loud huff of exasperation. I shake my head, trying to clear it. Every second is an eternity spent in silence. Perhaps I should just walk away. Perhaps I should go jump off the fucking bridge. It's hopeless. I'm hurt, I feel so broken, so heavy. Every second I spend here next to the man I love and not feeling loved in return is another rip in my already tattered soul. Hopeless. Stupid. Pathetic to hope that anyone could ever love a 'freak' like me.

My mind swirls with cruel words thrown at me, rising out of the lonely misery that was my childhood. Children's voices laughing and taunting in the cruelest ways that only children can accomplish. Words shouted at me, words like 'freak' and 'Mr. Clean' My own father's voice spitting at me, 'suck it up and be a man for god sakes you're a Luthor!' Then the tone in my head changes to darker shades as my father's voice changes. This time whispering, greasy, 'suck harder Alexander. Show daddy that you're not completely worthless you sniveling little shit."

I choke on the bile rising up in the back of my throat. I swallow hard and squeeze my eyes shut, willing the flashback away. It's been a long time since I've had a flashback. I can't handle this. I'm not strong enough. I can't. I won't.

"I guess I was wrong about you. I'm sorry. Goodbye, Clark." I turn on my heel to leave. My head feels sick and my body sluggish. My heart bleeds and I make a silent promise to myself that this is the last time I allow myself to be torn apart.

"Lex." His voice, trembling, husky. It pulls at me, an invisible force trying to convince me to stop walking away. To turn back to him and run into his arms and bury my teary eyes into the comforting nape of his neck. I fight the urge. I want to plead with him to love me, beg him to save me. I don't, I keep walking.

Then he's there. Standing in front of me, his face flushed and wet with tears. His eyes raw and round. His pity for me practically oozing out of him. My heart stutters within my heavy chest, stops, and then dies as I find myself within his arms. He squeezes me tight, it's difficult to breathe, but I don't care. I take a deep breath, breathing him him in, the smell of sun, sweat, sex and tears. The smell of my farm boy. I savor this moment even though I know it will do nothing but make the inevitable pain that much more difficult to bear after his pity for me has worn off. After he betrays me, breaks me, and leaves me. Just like everyone else I've ever known. It's too much. I feel my own tears, hot and aching to break free.

I kiss him goodbye. I can taste his salty tears on his cool, hard lips. I kiss him gently, willing every ounce of love I have to the surface. What the hell, right? I linger on his lips and I feel a single tear break free from my eye and slide coldly down my cheek. I bury my face in his neck, nuzzling. I smear my tears on his skin, marking him, before I pull away.

"I won't accept your pity, Clark. I don't want it, nor do I need it. So wipe your conscious clear. I leave you with no regrets, no remorse. I leave you in peace." And leave myself, in pieces.

"Lex, I..."

"It's alright, Clark. We can just pretend it never happened." I can feel that he is feeling sorry for me. Yet I have the feeling that there is something more he has to say. I see it in his face. The struggle of whether or not to say whatever it is, he is fighting within to say or not. I can't stay here forever. I can't stay here another second. I turn and head back towards my Lamborghini.

Feeling safe within the smell of leather and machine, I turn the key in the ignition. I can feel his eyes as I shift the car into gear and peel out, spitting up gravel with my wheels.

I know Clark too well. I know that he would sacrifice anything, endure anything to keep from hurting anybody. I don't want him wasting any of that on me. He deserves a hell of a lot better. And I know that in time, Lex Luthor will be but a faded, and jaded memory in the integrative mind of Clark Kent. He is destined for greatness. I know it, and he knows it. I will not stand in his way.

I fly out of town at over one hundred miles per hour. I hit the state line of Kansas and I keep going. I can't stop. I don't want to look back. I am a Luthor, after all, and a Luthor, needs no man, or nothing. My heart is stone, my blood but ice in my veins. Or so I try to convince myself. I wipe the tears from my face, step on the gas and head out of Kansas, away from Smallville, away from Clark Kent. Clark, my sun bronzed farm boy who tastes of heat and passion, and deliciousness. Clark Kent, the only man capable of truly destroying Lex Luthor.

***

end chapter two thank you all for reading and please review! 


	3. Chapter 3

An Ounce of Restraint

By: karacullen23

Rated: NC-17

WARNING: Slash, as in two men having sexual relations. If this isn't your cuppa' tea, don't read.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters, nor do I get paid for the crap that I write.

(AN: sorry it's taken so long for chapter three, as I said before, my computer shit the bed and I don't have frequent access to another computer at the moment. Thank you to everyone who is still patient enough with me to follow my story. And thank you for the lovely reviews. And please, as I've said before, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW, I can never get enough! Haha! Anyway, in this chapter there is a little OOC behavior, but I felt the story needed it in order to move the story along in the direction I want to take it. Spank you all very much, and I hope you enjoy...)

Chapter Three: Clark's POV

"HAVE YOU SEEN THIS BILLIONAIRE?"

The bold, black letters jump out at me from the front page of The Torch. Thanks alot Chloe. I can't avert my eyes from the black and white photo of Lex's face. His pale expression set in a phony, polite smile. It is the smile he reserves for the public, not my smile. I miss that smile, that special smile of his that he smiles only for me.

His eyes in this photo are all wrong. In this photo they're flat, black and lifeless. In reality his eyes are like a storm raging at sea. 'Lex, where are you?' His eyes stare up at me, accusing...

I flip the newspaper over, face down on top of the kitchen table. I can't bear to look at it anymore. I try to swallow down the heavy lump of guilt lodged in the back of my throat.

"Clark, honey, eat your breakfast before it gets cold." My mother interrupts my thoughts. I stare at the plate of food before me, farm fresh eggs, home made buttermilk biscuits with honey, and steaming links of sausage. Grease goes snap, crackle and pop in the pan over the hot stove. My stomach lurches.

"I'm not really hungry mom, sorry." I shrug my heavy shoulders and turn my head to stare out of the kitchen window with a sigh.

"Aw, honey, I'm sure Lex is fine. Whatever has happened, he'll be okay, he's very resilient. He's a survivor, he's had to be."

I know she's just trying to make me feel better, but her words bring me no comfort. She doesn't know what happened between me and Lex right before he took off. No one knows that I was the last person to see Lex. I watched him leave, and he left because of me.

Her words bring no comfort, if anything they only make me feel worse. I think about what Lex has had to survive. A monster for a father, a mother dead and gone. Not to mention all of the attacks from meteor freaks, and the most recent heartbreak was Helen. I can't even begin to imagine all that he's endured, and all that he's had to survive without. Sure he has billions, and that's usually the only thing people think of when they look at Lex. Spoiled rich kid giving daddy problems in Metropolis and being forced into exile in Smallville. Put on a tighter leash. I know better. He may have all the fancy cars and clothes, eat at only the finest restaurants, all he has to do is snap his fingers and pretty much get anything his heart desires. But that's just it, his heart. Love.

There's never been anyone really to love him and accept him. And every time he's felt he's finally found someone who will take away his loneliness, fill the empty void in his chest, they end up walking away, ripping his heart out as they go. And I had the chance to help stop the bleeding, help tend to the scars. After he found out that the woman he had loved and thought loved him, was in fact only after his money and the power that comes with the Luthor name, I thought he'd never heal. Dr. Helen Bryce was one of the Hardest blows and I feared he'd never be the same again after. I hated her, I wanted to strangle that pretty, pale neck with my own two hands. I wanted to squeeze just hard enough that she'd be gasping for air, to see the terror in her wide eyes looking into mine, knowing that she was going to die. I wanted her to feel how Lex must have felt, to know that she was going to die, and knowing that in that moment she would be completely alone.

That was when I first realized that I loved Lex Luthor. Standing in the shadows at his funeral, thinking he was dead, knowing that she was the one responsible. And listening to her fake words and watching her crocodile tears, I wanted to kill her! And it's a miracle that I didn't snap her neck right then and there in front of all those witnesses. Instead I super sped back to Metropolis, scared shitless over what I had discovered about myself. Frightened at the dark thought that I could be capable of cold-blooded murder, and even more upsetting was the realization that I was in love with my best friend. My male, best friend who was dead now and would never know that someone truly loved him. At that time, I only hoped that he had died still thinking that Helen loved him. My brain was so full of guilt at having not been there to save him, at my stupidity for not having realized sooner my true feelings for him. I had tried to destroy the AI, hoping that I would be free, but instead I had killed my Mother's baby. I had destroyed my family. I screamed out in anguish, anger, shame, and loss. Then I did the only thing I could think of to escape it all. I put the red kryptonite ring back on my finger, and tried to forget myself in the hungry, uninhibited red haze within my eyes.

I fuck it all up, everything. I've hurt him just as bad if not worse than everyone else in his life. I may have destroyed him for good this time, all due to my own stupid fear that I would lose control and hurt him. I may not have broken any bones, or spilt any blood, but I still hurt him. Deep inside beneath his skin like creamy satin, I ripped open his healing scars and even though I could see the bleeding wound of heart break in his eyes as he reached for me, I still turned away. I literally turned my back on him, and now he's vanished without a trace and all I want to do is find him and hold him and cry and tell him how much I love him and that I'm sorry, that I'm an idiot and an alien, and that's the only reason I turned away, for fear of my super strength and alienness. All I was thinking was "what if I lose control and accidentally snap his spine?" And "what would my father think? What would Lionel do?" Cowardice. That's the bottom line, I'm a coward. I let my fears overcome me and now Lex is lost, hurting somewhere, probably recklessly putting himself into danger if I know Lex. I mean, he sped off at probably a hundred miles per hour.

"Clark."

This time it's my father's voice that interrupts my train of thought.

"Dad?"

He's looking at me with an odd, irritated expression on his face, "Son, do you think you could get your head out of the clouds and Lana's ass long enough to do your chores? The cow's aren't going to feed themselves."

My mother shakes her head behind him and I make a split decision. "Not today dad, I have something very important that I have to do."

He snorts, "Oh, and just what might that be?"

"I have to go find Lex."

His face turns an uncomfortable shade of red, I can see that he's trying to keep his cool, "Clark, I know that he's your friend, regardless of how I feel about the Luthor's," he spits the words 'friend' and 'Luthor's', "but he's a big boy and I'm sure he can take care of himself. I'm sure that if he wanted to be found, he would be, so just leave well enough alone."

"I can't do that. You don't know him, and you just don't know. It's my fault he's gone, and I know he needs me right now. I think he might be in trouble, and I'm the only one that can save him and bring him home."

"Clark,..." he starts to argue just as I expected and so I blurt the words out before I lose the courage.

"I love him." There seems to be an enormous frog in my throat because the words don't come out bold and brave the way they sounded in my head, but small and squeaky. The blood drains from his face and it feels as though all of the air has just been sucked out of the room. I have to look away.

"What the hell did you just say?"

"I'm in love with Lex."

I chance a quick glance over and wish I hadn't. His eyes are hard slits and his face is actually twitching. My hands feel all fuzzy like they're going to float away, and so does my head. My heart is pounding so hard that I feel it in my throat. I turn away again and take a steadying breath. "I'm in love with him and I need to find him to tell him that, because it's all my fault that he left." He's just glaring at me, not saying a word so I figure, now or never, and spill it all out. "We had sex and I was so afraid I was going to lose control and hurt him..."

"You WHAT?" His eyes bulge wide in anger as he interrupts me with his roar. I hear something break and realize my mom must have dropped the glass she was drying just a moment ago. And it all happens so fast that things slow down in the way that they do when I'm moving in super speed. The broken glass shards bounce off of the linoleum as my dad lunges towards me, his arm pulled back ready to throw a punch right into my head.

"Jonathon, no..." My mother moves to grab hold of my dad, but she slips on the glass, loses her balance and bashes her head against the edge of the sink, her blood gushes quickly from beneath her beautiful red hair.

My dad hasn't noticed yet that my mother is lying in a pool of blood right behind him because he's so blinded by rage, hate and utter disgust. His fist slams into the side of my face, it doesn't hurt me, but I hear the sickening crunch of his bones breaking, then he's roaring in pain, clutching the wrist of his disfigured hand between his legs. I rush over to my mom who's been knocked unconscious and pull her into my lap. "Mom?"

I'm fumbling through her sticky hair trying to find where all the blood is coming from. There's so much blood! Her face and neck are coated in it and I rip a piece of my shirt off and start frantically trying to wipe it away in order to find the wound. All I end up doing is smearing it and making matters worse, and I'm crying and she's so pale, and I'm so scared. "Dad, call an ambulance!"

He finally looks over and sees her in my lap and he runs over, slipping in the pool of blood surrounding us. He collapses beside her and pulls her away from me. "Martha! Martha, honey, please, wake up. Wake up!" He's shaking her hard and he's scaring me, I've never seen him like this before.

"Dad, stop shaking her so hard, you're hurting her."

He stops and glares up at me, "YOU, get out. This is your fault. Get OUT of my house." I sit there in shock, unable to move, not believing the words that are coming out of my father's mouth. "I said, GET OUT! NOW." He kicks out at me and I have a hard time getting up onto my feet because I'm slipping on broken glass and blood. But I manage.

I look down at them, my vision blurred by tears. He's shaking her again, yelling at her to open her eyes, her head bobs up and down and I worry that her neck might snap if he doesn't stop shaking her so hard. "Dad, please calm down, I'll go call the ambulance okay? But you need to calm down and try to find where the blood is coming from."

He stops shaking her and lets her head drop into his lap as his good hand reaches awkwardly into his jeans pocket. He pulls out a small lead box, and I feel my knees start to shake as he flips it open and the kryptonite affects me instantly. The pain burns into my entire body, but I know that I will never hurt worse than I do in this very moment. Betrayal like a heavy piece of kryptonite slicing me in two.

His voice is quiet, calm, almost a whisper, "I'm not your father, Kal-el. I'm just the poor son of a bitch who got stuck with you. I shoulda just left you to starve and rot in that field. Now get the fuck out of my house you alien-faggot- freak."

"Dad?"

"Get out."

"I love you." I whisper, and take one last look at my bleeding mother, and the hard face of my father, and I stumble out of the kitchen. In the living room I'm far enough away from the kryptonite that I feel my strength rushing back into my veins. I rush over to the phone in the hallway and call an ambulance. They will be here within five minutes. Knowing that they are on their way, and that I am no longer welcome here, I super speed out and away from the home that is no longer mine.


	4. Chapter 4

An Ounce of Restraint

By: karacullen23

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters, nor do I get paid for the crap that I write.

WARNING: VERY GRAPHIC CONTENT: This chapter contains very graphic scenes, including incestual rape. If you are uncomfortable with this, please do not read.

Chapter Four

Lex's POV

Head hazy, I pull my sore, deflating cock from his mouth and push his head away with my cold, sweaty palm. Drug hazed, blood shot eyes look up at me questioning, as he wipes his hand across his swollen lips. On his knees, naked save for the choke chain biting into his flesh, the leash still clenched in my numb fist. He's almost pretty. Could be pretty, if his face wasn't so taut and ravaged looking from all the drugs he's probably been snorting, shooting and swallowing for too many years. His eyes are dull and flat, but expecting. Waiting to see what I'll make him do next.

I tuck myself back into my tight leather pants, and turn from him, dropping his leash at his feet. My whole body is sore, inside and out, too much fucking and sucking and snorting pills. The drugs are beginning to wear off, and I clamour through my bedside table drawer in a desperate search for more. Fuck. All the bottles are empty, and here I am coming back into reality, and I don't want to be here.

I've been doing such a good job of staying fucked up and numbed by the drugs, the sex. It's all been working out perfectly for me. A few snorts here and there, always some eager little whore willing to get on their knees to suck off Lex Luthor. This town is full of distractions, and I don't even know how long I've been here. Christ, I'm not even sure I know where "here" is, and I didn't care an hour ago, ten minutes ago, but I'm quickly sobering and I can't believe I allowed myself to run out of the mind altering, soul numbing drugs that have kept me alive and semi sane for however long it's been since I sped out of Smallville. Away from Clark. Clark. Damn my freakishness. I'm sure that for the same reasons as to why I heal so quickly, why I haven't been sick a day since the meteor shower, probably has something to do with why my body seems to metabolize drugs and alcohol much quicker than I would like.

Fuck I need more drugs. Maybe the bathroom. I turn on my naked heel and almost run into this strange man at my feet. I forgot he was here, why I even wanted him here. He's clutching a small cat o nine tails leather whip in his hands, palms up, an offering. It sickens me. He wants me to beat him. This pathetic piece of wasted human flesh that I allowed just moments ago to swallow my shaft down his skinny throat. And I don't know why I'm here, or what I'm doing. All I want is to be back home with Clark. My beautiful farm boy with his warm hands and his thick, pulsing... no! I cannot allow myself to think about Clark. Because when I do, all I feel is pain. A pain so sharp that my chest tightens up and I begin to choke from the vivid memory of his rejection.

And now I remember why I invited this man into my room. I snatch the whip from his hands and run the leather straps through my stiff fingers. I try to swallow, but my mouth is too dry and I choke.

I point to his leash and snap my fingers. He obeys and hands it to me, his eyes glinting with the anticipation of his masochistic fantasies becoming realized. At me joining back into the game. I jerk violently on the leash and the spikes from the collar poke harshly into his bruised throat. A tiny squeak as he inhales sharply through his drug snorting swollen nostrils.

I snap the whip against his naked hip and pull at his leash forcing his head down. I rest my foot atop his greasy head and force his face into the stinking carpet. His pimply ass raised high in the air, waiting for whatever punishment I so desire to bestow upon it. I remove my foot from his head, but he keeps his nose to the floor. Good slave. I go to stand behind him, take a deep breath and then I'm thrashing him with the whip, again and again. Angry red welts quickly rise up as his whole body jerks beneath me. Sweat beads on my forehead from the violent exertion. But I don't stop, even when he begins to scream. Because I need this. I need to hear his pain. I need his pain to somehow override my own pain. All the pain that's been knotted up tight inside of me for so long. And I can't control myself. The man is choking on his own screaming, and I can see that his little penis is shriveling in on itself, almost disappearing. I don't stop long enough for him to catch his breath, I just keep wailing on him with all my strength. I hate him, I hate the way he takes every piece of pain I lay on him and transmutes it in his own twisted way into pleasure. I hate him because he's a rotting shell of a human being. I hate him, because he reminds me too much of myself. And I hate him, because he isn't Clark.

All the feelings that I've been trying to run away from, all the pain and emptiness and pure, unadulterated anguish rise up in me now, and I feel hot tears sliding down my cheeks. And I realize that I'm screaming Clarks name and the sobs that wrack my body take the wind right out of me. And I'm suddenly trembling, too weak to raise the whip again, too weak to even stay standing. I collapse in a heap onto the floor, and I manage to muster enough composure long enough to tell this man to "get the fuck out of here".

I hear the door slam shut from somewhere in the back of my senses, and I am alone. I am very alone.

"Clark." His name on my lips, so bitter sweet. I say his name quietly to myself, again and again, my nails digging into my scalp, rocking back and forth. Back and forth. His name a lulling mantra on my fuzzy tongue, and my swollen eyes are so heavy, my brain so full of pain I fear it will explode in my skull. And everything goes black, as I fade into unconsciousness.

I wake in the dark. My head aching, dizzy. Disoriented, not knowing which way is up in such heavy darkness. I try to sit up, only to realize that I can't move my hands. I try again, begin jerking and tugging, and panic rushes through my veins as I come to the terrifying conclusion that I am tied up. I quickly assess the situation. Taking inventory of every part of my body. I'm suffocating in this blackness and I open my mouth to suck in the stale air, only to choke on a piece of cloth that's tied tightly around my mouth I can only assume it's to gag me. I notice now the tightness around my skull like a vice. Must be a blindfold. I quiet my struggling, and sit still, holding my breath to listen. Am I alone? Or is somebody here with me? I don't know? I don't hear anything, though there is a strong scent of something vile assailing my nostrils. Something acrid, sweet and overwhelming, I can't quite place it. Where the fuck am I? What the fuck is going on? And then I hear a faint rustling behind me.

I snap my head around towards the sound, but it doesn't help. I can't see a damn thing. A small squeaking sound I recognize as rusted bedsprings. So I'm still in my room. It's slightly reassuring to at least know where I am, and I realize almost with relief that, that acrid smell is simply the stink of my dirty hotel rooms bathroom. But I'm still laying here on the floor, bound, gagged and blindfolded, and I hear heavy footfalls, I can feel the floor vibrating with each step that is taken towards me. And I begin to struggle again, trying to free myself from the bonds that are cutting off the circulation to my arms.

A sudden pain rips through the back of my neck as whoever this person is grabs and digs his fingers there, and pulls me upright. I try to ask, "Who's there?" But the gag muffles the words. A heavy blow lands across my face, and there's a roaring in my ears and bright sparks dance behind my blinded eyes. I can feel the warm trickle of blood oozing from the side of my head where my brow must have busted open. The blood tickles as it slides down my neck to pool on my shoulder blade.

Something brushes across my lips. A finger, and I understand, the intruder's way of telling me to be quiet. I lurch my head forward and bite at that finger through my gag, and am knocked down flat on my back by the force of the blow, this time to the tender part of my stomach. The air whooshes from my body, and I choke for air through the new pain.

The heavy weight of the intruders' body crushes me down, my spine digging painfully into the unyielding hardness of the floor. I buck up with my hips, with all my strength, panic surging adrenaline into my entire body, but no matter how hard I push, pull, try to squirm away, I am no match for this assailant on top of me, hardly budging at all, and crunching me deeper into the floor. My mind is racing wondering what's happening to me, who is this with powerful hands pinning my chest down, and what does he want?

I continue my futile thrashing about, and then something cold, and sharp digs into my neck. I freeze. Oh God, this is it. This is how I'm going to die. And all I can do is think of Clark. I see his beautiful face in my minds eye. The way his unkempt black curls fall into his eyes when he lowers his head and blushes. His huge toothy grin as his green eyes dance. The sweet taste of his lips on mine, so firm, yet soft. The knifes edge glides across my throat almost gently, but the pain is intense, sharp, and the blood is quick to run down my neck. Another warning to show he means business. The cut to my throat burns with the pain, but it's superficial, surely it feels worse than it is?

The blade slides sideways along my neck and up my face, a steel caress against my sweaty cheek. The gag is cut and I'm gulping in the air, still not seeming able to get enough. It brings memories flooding back of years before when I would pump my inhaler to ease the tightness in my chest.

My jaw is sore, it cracks in protest when I open my mouth to finally speak. "If you're going to kill me, I strongly suggest you get on with it before I get free, or I promise you, you will be sorry." My voice is hoarse, but threatening, powerful.

"Now, son, is that really any way to talk to your father?" Lionel? Christ. I don't know whether to feel relieved or shit my shorts.

"Dad? What..." I'm trying to make sense of the situation. What could Lionel possibly have to gain from all of this? A scare tactic? His special "Luthor" way of putting his spoiled brat in his place? Whatever his game, I will not give him whatever it is he wants. I'm 23 years old, and he no longer has the power over me he once did. I am no longer that weak, broken child that accepted whatever scraps of dysfunctional love his father chose to grace him with.

"That's right Lex. Did you really think that you could hide from me? A good father always knows what his children are up to."

"I'm not a child anymore dad, I'm more than capable of taking care of myself these days."

His laughter is indulgent, "Oh, Lex. Is this really your definition of taking care of yourself? Because if it is, you really are worse off than even I could have fathomed."

"And this is what? Your idea of good parenting? Tying me up and beating some sense into you're little lost lamb?"

"Lex, Lex. Always so melodramatic son." I can almost hear him shaking his head.

"Why don't you take the blind fold off Dad, and untie me so we can talk like civilized human beings."

"I'm sorry son, judging by your surroundings, I thought 'civilized' was something you were no longer familiar with."

I can hear the rustle of his clothing, shifting of material behind me. I whip my head around towards the sound. He cups my chin in his trembling hand. "My boy, you seem to forget yourself sometimes, and what's more, you forget who owns you."

His voice is low, gruff, and almost sad. His hot breath in my face, a stale smell of brandy. The panic hits me once again, hard. I have to focus on my breathing to keep from hyperventilating. I know what's going on now, and I don't want to be here. I want to scream and cry, and beg, 'please daddy, no'. I feel nine years old again.

His mouth comes down hard and bruising against mine. I purse my lips but his slimy tongue forces entry and I feel the vomit begin to rise and I gag it back, remembering what he would do to me if I puked all over him again. Maybe if I keep my composure and go along, he'll be satiated with my compliance and go no further.

He pulls his mouth from mine, but not before biting viciously into my bottom lip. A whimper escapes me before I can stifle it. The sharp metallic taste of my own blood floods my mouth, I swallow it down. "Feel better now that you've asserted your power over me dad? Would you be so kind as to remove this blindfold now?"

"Oh son, I've only just begun. It's been far too long and I feel you could use the reaffirmation." His chuckle is a dry rasp that sends shivers down my spine and into my very bowels. His hands begin to glide over my sweaty, bare chest. His nails graze over the cut at my throat and I wince.

"B..but you c..cant, I'm n..not a l..little b..boy anym..more!" I cannot control the hysterical stuttering. One of his hands is squeezing its way up my thigh. Oh God, please no, I'm not that same helpless child anymore, he can't do this to me now!

But he is, and there is nothing I can do. I am bound and blind, at his mercy. I AM nine years old again. One of his hands reaches into my pants and grabs me by the balls. I yelp with the pain and try to jerk away. But he slaps me powerfully across the face and scrapes his manicured nails into the flesh of my shriveled cock, which to my absolute horror is beginning to respond to his rough touch. I buck up as hard as I can manage and thrash myself into a wall. Trapped. He grabs me by the scruff of the neck and bashes my head against the wall. Little specks of light float behind my eyes and I pray that I will pass out. I don't.

I'm trapped in consciousness for now. . He pulls and tugs at my pants and boxers and yanks them off of me. Fully exposed, naked before him and the air is cold. I can't control the violent trembling that wracks my entire body. He flips me over onto my stomach and my face is burried into stinking carpet. He grabs me by the waist and lifts my ass up, spreading my legs positions himself behind me. I continue to buck and thrash and he grabs me by the back of my skull and presses my face into the floor. "Don't be such a little bitch, Lex and this won't have to hurt."

My face burried into the carpet, I'm desperate for air. I stop fighting him and remain still. He lets go of my head and I gasp hungrily for air.

"See, be a good boy Lex, and this won't have to be uncomfortable." The tear soaked blindfold clings claustraphobically to my eyes. Submissiveness, compliance, obededience. These are what my father wants. I remain still and quiet, hoping that he will see that I'm willing to obey and that there's no need for him to go any further.

It's no use, it's too late in the game. My blood runs cold at the feel of him between my legs. "Please, don't, please Dad. I'll do whatever you want, just please, stop!"

I sound like a stranger to myself. My voice is squeaky, high pitched and hysterical. I'm trying to wriggle away but he's sitting with his full weight on the back of my knees and he's holding me by my sore throat with one hand, his nails tearing into the cut there.

"Lex, when will you learn?"

Sudden, searing hot pain as he slams himself into me, the delicate flesh inside of me ripping. I can feel my body trying to reject his foreign object lodged within, but he pulls out and slams back in again, using the full force of his own body weight. And I'm helpless.

I'm sobbing uncontrollably in pain and humiliation. I can feel my own blood dribbling down my thighs, cold and sticky, and he continues to pound into me again and again. Unrelenting, never ending pain. He reaches around me and takes my cock into his fist. His rough hand pumps and twists and slaps. Agonizing humiliation as my own body betrays me reacts to him as to that of a lover. Please God just let me die now. I no longer fight him, and there are no more tears to shed because I just feel dead inside.

He's grunting above me in exertion as he continues to pound into me, his fist pumping in rhythm. There's a familiar pulling in the pit of my stomach, my entire body tenses as the orgasm builds and I begin to twitch and tremble. "Yes, that's it Lex, come on, come for daddy..."

"Stop it, please, please, let me go." My voice sounds so...empty and small. My toes begin to cramp and curl and I'm desperate to make it stop. I'm no longer fighting against Lionel, now I'm fighting against my own body. Please, please stop. You don't like this, you can't like this, so why are you acting like you are? Just stop, for the love of God, please don't.

Lionel is panting and groaning above me. Determined to make me come, he slows his pounding into my ass, but increases the pumping of my cock. "Show me you love me son, show me you're MINE."

New panic seizes me and I try to fling myself away from him. "No, no, no..." He holds tightly onto me and his fist is squeezing me painfully and pumping frantically. I'm sobbing uncontrollably and I lose the fight as my body betrays me and the orgasm rips through me like a sick electrical shock.

"Yes, Lex. Yes there now." His hand reaches up to my face and he smears the come accross my bloodied mouth. "This is the proof Lex, right here, this is the proof that you're mine, and you always will be."

I try to turn my face away and spit, but his hand clamps hard and he pulls my head back painfully and holds me there. He continues to pound into me. I struggle to breath through his hot, sticky hand over my face. He trembles and relaxes his hold on my face as he thrusts in one last time.

"Lexxx..." he hisses above me, and his dick throbs and twitches as his heat explodes inside of me. He runs a gentle hand down my sweaty, cold back, and then pulls out of me painfully. His come leaks from my hole and turns cold on my thighs. And I can't move. I'm frozen, inside and out. The vomit rises up in my throat and this time there's no controlling it. My whole body heaves and jerks. Vomit and tears.

"Pathetic." Is my Father's disgusted response, and I'm falling into stars. Finally, blessed unconsciousness.


	5. Chapter 5

An Ounce of Restraint

By: karacullen23

Rated: NC-17

WARNING: Slash, as in two men having sexual relations. If this isn't your cuppa' tea, don't read.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters, nor do I get paid for the crap that I write.

Chapter Five: Clark's POV

I'm standing in the shadows outside of the mansion in the crisp, autumn night. Even though Lex has been missing for over two months time now, every day his people still come in to keep the castle up.

I guess even with the master of the house gone, the gardens still need pruning, the floors still need waxing, and all those priceless antiques still need dusting.

They're usually all gone by now. It's well past ten at night and I'm exhausted and ready for bed, but I'm stuck out here until they're all gone.

I ran all the way to Gotham city and back today. Searching for any signs of Lex in every back alley, hotel, motel and even the boats docked off the wharf. I've already searched every single nook and cranny from here to Metropolis and back, and turned up zilch. I didn't have any luck in Gotham either, but I'm going to try again tomorrow before moving onto Star City.

Right now all I can think about is taking a nice long, steaming hot shower and lathering my entire body in Lex's very expensive, imported lavender soap. Then falling beneath his luscious, fluffy, cloud of a down comforter. So soft and clean, and smelling still of Lex.

I go to sleep each and every night surrounded by the spicy, musky scent that is effectual and individual of Lex. A smell like sandalwood, peppery lavender, and some exotic spice I can't place. The smell of Lex. A small comfort, just his smell, but a comfort nonetheless. Really one of the only comforts I have left.

If only these people would fucking go home already so I could sneak inside and get a few hours of peace, ease and comfort. Some rest before having to get up early in the morning and beating the city streets for a couple of hours before I have to be at school. Then as soon as the last bell rings, I will pick back up where I'd left off that morning, in my seemingly never ending quest to find Lex.

I haven't been back to the farm. I can't go back. I don't think I want to go back. I miss my mom, but I don't think I could ever face my dad again. Things will just never be the same there.

I checked up on my mom a couple of times while she was in the hospital. But always while she was sleeping. I don't want her to worry about me, but it's just easier if they don't know where I am

My mom's okay. There had been a lot of blood, but it was only a minor gash on her head. They stitched her up, but she had to stay there a few days for observation due to a massive concussion and some abnormal brain lesions showing up in her MRI. Super hearing can be useful sometimes. But everything checked out I guess because she's been back home now for a while.

Sometimes I sneak into my loft at night and listen in on my parents in the house. My mom is completely pissed at my dad, and worried sick about me. I don't know, I may have to sneak in to see her soon just to let her know that I'm okay and not to worry.

My dad on the other hand…

He's still refusing to admit I ever even existed, despite my mother's desperate pleas for him to accept me for who I am.

Who I am… ha! That's a trip. Who I am is a gay, alien who's desperately in love with the man my father refers to as the son of "The Devil himself", Lionel Luthor.

Anyway, he doesn't care about me anymore, and a part of me wonders if he ever really did. And as much as my heart seems to be breaking, the little boy inside crying to be loved, and kissed, and tucked in good night, I am not going to give up my love for Lex. I am not going to pretend I'm someone I'm not just because my father can't accept me and love me unconditionally.

I've lived almost my entire life as a lie. Hiding my abilities, the truth of my origins, ashamed and afraid. And I still am ashamed and afraid. My parents raised me to always hide my secret, I've been forced to lie to protect that secret, lie to the people I love…lie to Lex.

Well, I may not have a choice over hiding and lying to protect the secret of my "alienness", but I WILL NOT hide my feelings anymore. My feelings are the very part of myself that make me, me, that make me human. And a very big piece of myself is lost somewhere out there. God only knows where the hell Lex is.

God, please…help me find him!

Lex has been such a big part of me for so long. But because of my stupid fear and shame, he's out there somewhere. I don't know if he's hurt, if he's safe, or even if he's alive.

He has to be alive. I know he must be, otherwise I wouldn't feel so compelled to keep looking for him day after day, hour after hour, miles upon miles.

Besides, I feel such a strong connection to him. Ever since I breathed life back into him on the bank of the river. It's like I can feel his heart beating within my own.

Yeah, I know that sounds corny, I'm just a big lug headed cornball from Kansas. I don't really have the words to describe it any other way.

But the point is, I think I would know if Lex were dead. I'd be able to feel it. I think I would be able to feel the exact instant that his heart stopped beating. I would know because that would be the same moment that my own heart would quit.

Late last night I woke suddenly in the dead of night. I could've sworn I heard Lex calling out to me. I felt such a suffocating dread slam into me. My heart jumped into my throat and I broke out in a cold sweat. Then I just started to cry my eyes out. I mean out and out bawling. For no reason at all. I just felt so afraid, so sad. I felt Lex so close, so near, I could've sworn he was in the room with me.

I just "felt" this intense fear that Lex needed me. I rushed to get dressed, then sped out of the house to look for him, certain that he was near.

Lex's POV

"Well Lex, I really hope you're ready to grow up and own up to your responsibilities."

I wake to my father's voice, falling flat in my ears. My head is pounding. My entire body, inside and out is throbbing and burning with pain.

"You're twenty three years old. I shouldn't have to come after you like this anymore to drag your obstreperous ass back home."

There's a roaring in my head, probably another concussion. I try to open my eyes, but am finding it difficult, they're swollen shut. I don't know how long I've been out, but judging from the feel of dried blood that painfully peels and cracks when I try to move, I'm guessing at least a couple of hours.

I manage to get one eye open and notice that I'm still lying on the floor in the corner of the room where I passed out. The stench of vomit and blood burn putrid through my sore nose. With great difficulty I manage to maneuver myself semi upright and away from the puddle of mess where my head had been laying. I groan with the effort and the jolts of pain that surge throughout my entire body as I shift.

Daylight filters through the dingy little hotel window. The light's so bright I have to blink through tears to take stock of my surroundings.

Lionel is standing by the door, looking immaculate in a dark gray suit. And I notice that there are three unknown men situated at different points about the tiny room, staring at me in silence. Oh God, have they been here this whole time?

No. My father always says that no matter how much money you throw at people, you can't buy loyalty. Surely, he took care his 'business' with me, before calling in his goons.

Lionel adjusts his cufflinks and addresses me again. "You're going back to Smallville. Don't make me have to come after you again or you will be in a world of pain."

Next time? Is he joking? I'm probably going to be pissing and shitting blood for a week as it is.

"You look like hell Lex. I've given the staff at the mansion a week off so you can convalesce in privacy. I'll give you five days, then I expect you back to work. You will get the plant back up and running to full capacity before the quarters out. "

He nods to one of his goons sitting on the bed, opens the door, and I'm momentarily blinded by the harsh light as he leaves.

As soon as the click of the door is heard as it's shut, all three of his goons are on me.

Clark's POV

I wake up to the sound of the castle's burglar alarm blaring. I come crashing down onto the bed. I must've been floating in my sleep again. Damn, I seem to be doing that a lot lately.

That alarm is ear splitting. I jump quickly into my jeans that are piled at the foot of the bed. I zip downstairs, hoping to god that a raccoon or some animal set off the alarm. Or at least a normal intruder and not another one of Smallville's meteor infected mutant gone bat shit.

I speed from room to room and find no one. Nothing out of sorts.

I zoom back upstairs to grab my stuff and make the bed quickly. The police will probably be on their way within minutes. If they find me here, key or no key, I think I'd be screwed. Even though Lex gave me a key and told me the combination to get into the mansion, I have absolutely no clue how to turn off the alarm once it's going. That would require a whole different key and code.

Just as I'm about to reach for the doorknob to let myself out, the alarm stops, and the doorknob starts to turn.

Shit, it's probably the cops. Why can't they ever be that fast during an actual emergency?

I jump back and hide in the nook under the stairs in the shadows. I should be able to super speed right past them and out the door when they open it, and they'll never see me. My heart is thump, thumping in my throat, and my knees tremble beneath me. My whole body is alert and pumped, ready to bolt like the wind.

The giant, wooden door creaks open, I bend my knees ready to book it...

And then I see him stumbling across the threshold.

"Lex!"

I rush over to wrap him up in my arms and squeeze him tight.

"Clark?" His voice is a hoarse whisper. As my arms squeeze around him he lets out a sharp whine and then falls limp in my arms.

I fall to the floor with Lex's body crumpled flaccid and unconscious in my lap. "Lex?" Panic sweeps through me. It's too dark to see, but I pick up the strong, metallic scent of blood. Oh, no. He's hurt, but I can't see well enough in the dark foyer. I scoop him gingerly up into my arms and carry him carefully up the stairs.

In his bedroom, I lay him delicately on the bed and then switch on the overhead light.

Oh, sweet Jesus! There's dried, crusted blood completely coating his mostly naked form. His only clothing is a pair of blood stained, cream coloured boxer shorts. His entire body is covered, head to toe in cuts, gashes, scrapes and bruises. God, there's so much blood!

His entire face seems to be one giant purple bruise. His poor nose is definitely broken, it's twisted at an odd angle. Both his eyes are swollen, even his beautiful lips are busted open and swollen.

On closer inspection I see, oh God, his throat has been slit! His throat is fucking slit! It's not bleeding anymore though, but I can't tell how bad it is beneath all the bloody crust.

I do a thorough scan with my x-ray vision. His heart and lungs and all his organs seem to be okay. His heartbeat is a little slow and his breathing a bit shallow. I watch his battered chest rise and fall, his breath is hitching slightly, and the small puffs of air come wheezing and squeaking out. It looks like a couple of his ribs are fractured, and the pinky on his right hand is definitely broken. But his spine is straight, and all his other bones seem to be in one piece. Of course, I'm no doctor. He needs a doctor. I know he needs a doctor, but I also know Lex, and I know he'd as soon as die before seeing a doctor. He's made me promise many times before, and I of all people understand not wanting to be poked and prodded and treated like a specimen. But he needs something.

"Lex?" I sit down on the bed next to him and delicately stroke a hand down his cheek, trying to rouse him. Abruptly he thrashes on the bed, letting out a tiny whimper of pure terror before covering his face in his hands and curling into fetal position.

My entire soul aches at the sight. To see him so broken, so... so, terrorized. I vow here and now that whoever did this to him is going to pay. I want to fly into the heavens and scream at whatever powers may be. I want to find out who did this and track them down and fucking kill them!

Instead I fall to the floor beside the bed in a doleful heap. Wanting to help, but feeling utterly useless. I don't even dare to touch him out of fear that he'll react in alarm again to my touch.

What can I do? I can't just leave him like this. Toby. Of course. Lex will let Toby help him.

I lean up to face Lex's torn and bloody hands that are still covering his face. Without getting too uncomfortably close t him, and without touching him, I speak softly. "Lex, it's me, Clark. You're safe. You're safe with me. But you've been hurt really bad and I need you to wake up for me. Can you wake up Lex, open your eyes?"

He groans and reaches out a hand towards me. "Clark?"

I take his hand in mine. His fingers are like ice. "Yeah, I'm here. I'm right here."

He manages to open only one of his eyes. The white of his eye is flaming bright red, bloodshot. He searches for my face and when he's finally able to focus, a single tear falls. He reaches out his other hand, and with trembling fingers, brushes my lips. "I thought I was dreaming." He rasps out.

I place a kiss to those cold fingers, then bring his hand down to hold in my lap, mindful not to further damage his broken pinky. "I'm really here. I'm here with you."

He closes his eye and sighs. "It hurts, Clark. Fuck. It hurts." A grimace flutters over his features.

Now it's my turn to cry. I brush a hot tear from my cheek. All the words that I've been dying to say come gushing out. "I know. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for everything. I've been trying to find you for weeks so I could tell you that. I was so afraid I'd never get the chance to tell you. To tell you how much I love you. And I do, Lex. I love you so much."

He looks at me, trying to read me. Trying to gage whether or not I'm being sincere. "You really mean that don't you?"

"With everything, heart and soul, I love you. I've loved you from the first time I looked into your eyes. That first day on the riverbank. I thought you were dead, but then you opened your eyes and I SAW you. I mean... I SAW you like I've never seen anyone else before. That probably doesn't make any sense, but that's how it felt. "

He gives my hands a squeeze and smiles. " It makes perfect sense. I SAW you too, Clark."

If I could fly, I'd be in outer space. I can't believe it. Lex not only understands what I'm rambling about, but he feels the same way. Lex loves me too. He's finally home, and we're here, together, and I'm never letting him go. Ever.

Suddenly his entire body is wracked with violent coughs. He struggles to sit up. I jump to my feet and wrap my arms around his torso and help him up. "Who did this to you?"

"That's not important, " he manages.

"The Hell it's not!"

He places a placating hand on my thigh as he struggles to catch his breath. "It doesn't matter. It's over, I'm home."

His entire body jerks, he wraps his arms around his ribcage and lays his head into his lap, as a loud, rattling cough explodes out of him. When he sits back up, gasping, I notice fresh blood dribbling from the corner of his mouth. "Lex, we really need to get you to the hospital."

"No!" He shakes his head vehemently as another cough escapes him, and more blood. He wipes at his mouth and takes a couple of shaky, steadying breaths. "No, no doctors."

"I was thinking I could call Toby."

"No. I'll be all right. It looks worse than it is."

I don't understand why he won't even let me call Toby for him. He's always trusted him before. "Lex, you need to have some one look..."

He cuts me off, "I'll be fine Clark."

"Lex, you are NOT fine. Some one tried to fucking slit your throat open!"

He takes my hands and leads me to sit beside him on the bed. "Please, Clark, I...I just can't..." He lowers his head, hiding his face. "Not tonight, anyway, okay? Maybe later, but just...not tonight..." He buries his face in his hands and breaks into uncontrollable sobs.

I'm completely startled. I've never seen Lex like this before. I don't know what to do. I'm out of my element here. I do the only thing I can feel. I take him into my arms and hold him close. "It's okay, Lex. I'm sorry I pushed." He buries his face deeper into my embrace, and all I can do is hold him. I want to hold him and never let him go. If I just keep him this close for the rest of our lives, no one will ever be able to get close enough to hurt him like this ever again. Yes, I'll just hold him right here, no more than three inches away from me at all times, forever.

He pulls me out of my reverie by mumbling something incoherent into my chest. "What? I can't hear you?"

He turns his face so that it's no longer muffled by my chest. His face is still hidden from me as he asks, "Will you help me into the shower?"

"The shower spray will probably sting all those cuts and bruises. How 'bout I draw you a nice, warm bath?"

His voice sounds a million miles away, "No, I need a shower. I want to get...to get clean. I want to wash it all away and down the drain. I don't care if it stings. I just need to be...clean." His breath hitches in his chest and he's trembling in my arms.

"I'm sorry, I...of course..." I help him limp across the room and into the connecting bathroom.

I turn on the water, checking to make sure that the water isn't too hot or too cold. Then I help him step up and into the glass stall. He steps in, not having bothered to remove his boxer shorts. He winces in pain as the hot water pounds onto his tender flesh. I shut the shower door and head towards the bedroom. "Will you stay in here with me?" His voice sounds so small, so vulnerable.

"Sure, I'll just be over here." I walk over to the small, comfy chair on the other side of the bathroom next to the giant Jacuzzi type bathtub. I sit, and I wait.

I must've fallen asleep, because Lex is standing over me, shaking me awake. He's wearing long sleeved black pajamas that seem to make the dark purple bruises all the more livid. "Sorry, but could you please help me with this?" He's holding clean white gauze, medical tape and a tube of antibiotic ointment. He points to the angry, red gash at his throat. "I tried to do it myself, but I can't really move my shoulder far enough back to wrap my neck."

I stretch out my limbs, yawn and stand up. "Yeah, here... sit." I take the items from him as he sits down in the chair. He attempts to bite back a whimper as he sits, but it escapes along with a grimace. "Are you alright?"

"Just sore, and stiff...all over. I took something for the pain, it shouldn't be too long before they take effect."

"Is it legal?" Not that I care, as long as he's no longer in pain.

"Does it really matter?"

"No. I don't know why I even asked, it just kinda slipped out. Sorry."

"It's alright Clark, just help me bandage this up and we can go to bed. You will stay with me won't you?"

"Can I sleep with you?"

He smiles up at me, "I wouldn't have it any other way."

I beam at him. I've dreamt so long about curling up and sleeping with Lex in my arms.

I open the tube of ointment and lightly swipe a copious amount onto his cut. Now that all the blood has been washed away I can see that it's not as deep as I thought before. He grimaces at the touch and I bite down on my lower lip upset that this is hurting him. "Sorry."

"I'm okay."

"Okay." The cut is deepest at the beginning of the gash where the underlay of fatty tissue is showing. I seem to remember from boy scouts something about if the fat is showing... "Lex, I really think that you need stitches."

He sucks in air through his teeth as I begin to wrap the gauze around his neck. I know it's hurting him. When the hell are those pain drugs gonna kick in? I feel so useless. Why couldn't one of my powers be super healing abilities or like pain sucking or something?

"I'll call Toby tomorrow." He grits out.

"Promise?" I tear off a piece of the white tape with my teeth, and tape the gauze in place.

"Promise."

"All done." I put the leftover supplies in the medicine cabinet and wash the sticky ointment off of my hands.

"Clark?"

"Yeah?"

"Not that I'm complaining or anything, but I'm curious...Why were you here tonight?"

I feel the heat of a blush flushing my face. "Oh, um...actually, my dad kinda kicked me out of the house a couple of weeks ago. I've sorta been crashing here every night. I'm really sorry, Lex, but I had no where else to go… and you had given me that key… and well..." Please don't be pissed!

"Clark, I've told you before that you're welcome here anytime, that's why I gave you a key. It's fine."

I let out the breath that I'd been holding and I chance a glance over at him, his one open eye seems to bug out of his head. "Jonathon kicked you out of the house? Why?"

I plunge my hands into the pockets of my jeans and become very interested in a crack on the tiled bathroom floor. "I was so upset after you disappeared…" I take in a gulp of the still moist, hot air. " I knew it was my fault, and I just had to find you and tell you that I didn't mean it. I told him that I was in love with you, and well my dad...he uh...he said some things and I got angry and sorta blurted everything out. He totally freaked, he said I was no longer his son and well...I've been staying here ever since."

"What exactly did you uh...blurt out, Clark?"

"I told him the truth. I told him that I was in love with you and that because of how I acted after we uh...after that day at the river, you left because of me and that..."

He cuts me off, "Oh sweet Jesus, you told him about... Oh god, he's going to kill me!"

I feel the heat rising in my face again, but this time it's not because I'm embarrassed. "I would never let him hurt you! No one's ever going to hurt you ever again. Lex, there's a reason why I pushed you away that day, and I promise it didn't have anything to do with you, it's me...I'm...I'm not normal, Lex...I... I was afraid I could've hurt you."

He gets slowly to his feet and stumbles a little. I rush over to steady him. "I'm fine, I think my 'meds' are just starting to kick in."

"Do you need anything? Do you want some water or food or something?"

"No, I'm fine, I just want to lay down. We can talk about all of this tomorrow. I'm sorry about your father, I can't believe he reacted like that." His words are starting to slur, and I let him lean on me on our way into the bedroom. " I mean sure I could understand him being royally pissed to find out that the man he hates most in this world is fucking his son, but I just figured he'd take it out on my ass with his shotgun."

"Lex, don't worry about it. It's not your fault. If my dad can't accept me for who I am, than that's his problem, not ours."

"You know you can stay with me forever and ever and ever, right?" Wow! I think he's a little stoned. I wonder what it was he took. Lex doesn't usually talk like this. Whether or not it's the drugs talking, it still makes my heart swell.

"Thanks, Lex. Come on lets get you to bed." I pull down the crisp, white down comforter and help him slide in.

"Let's get you to bed. Clark, you're staying forever and tonight right?"

"I'll stay for however long you want me for."

"Good, then for forever… and tonight as well..." he pulls me down practically on top of him. As much as I'd love to curl up on top of him, I have to resist for fear of hurting him. "Come on and get in bed, Clark, I'm tired."

He scoots over some and I crawl in under the covers with him. He snuggles in close, smelling all clean and fresh from his shower, and smelling of Lex. The man I love. He lets out a loud sigh and wiggles in closer to me. "Mmm, you smell good, like apple shampoo and sunshine… and...and Clark."

I chuckle softly and my heart warms to realize that Lex seems to like my smell as much as I do his. "I love your smell Lex. I've been sleeping in your bed every night just so I could be surrounded by your smell."

"I have a smell? What do I smell like?"

"I don't know, like sandalwood and spice..."

"And everything nice?"

"Yeah, very nice. In fact, you're my very favourite smell."

He's quiet and his breathing is slow and steady. Wow, he fell asleep fast.

Just as my eyelids begin to get heavy and my brain enters that warm fuzzy pre dream like haze, I swear I hear him whisper into the dark, "Love you Clark, always and forever."

I kiss the back of his beautiful skull, and within seconds I fall asleep smiling.


	6. Chapter 6

An Ounce of Restraint

By: karacullen23

WARNING: Slash, as in two men having sexual relations. If this bothers you, please do not read.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters, nor do I get paid for the crap that I write.

A/N: yeah, yeah, I know I promised last chapter to update sooner this time around. I really did have this chapter written for the longest time, but I still don't have a computer! So anywhoo...don't give up on me, hope you enjoy the new chapter. And as always, please review, review, review!

I would also like to take this chance to send out a special thanks to all of you awesome clexlovers who have read and reviewed this story, your review inspire me and motivate me to keep going.

Chapter Six

Lex's POV:

It's the sun streaming brightly upon my face that wakes me. I wake disoriented, in pain, and with a very full bladder. There's a faint rustling of fabric and I feel shifting movement beside and behind me. Panic grabs me by the throat and chokes. Then recollection rushes to me, and I let out a heavy breath in relief.

I roll over onto my other side, not without much discomfort and difficulty. God the pain is incredible. There's a great throbbing, general ache throughout my entire body. This ache is accompanied by much sharper, burning twinges here and there. The pain is well worth it to look into the beautiful, sleeping face of the one that I love.

His hair is mussed from sleep, a tousle of ebony waves,. I reach out and brushy a rouge lock from his brow. His long, dark eyelashes flutter, his eyes roll beneath his closed lids with REM sleep. I wonder what he's dreaming? His face is peaceful and relaxed, his jaw slack, his plump lips slightly parted.

I could lay here and gaze upon that irreproachable beauty for all of eternity. Unfortunately my bladder has other plans. I arduously shuffle my way out of bed and towards the bathroom. Every step causes my breath to hitch in my chest. Sharp, heavy pain assaults my very bowels. The pain shoots up my spine and twinges at the back of my head and neck. It's a very slow, torturous journey, but I finally reach my destination.

I lift up the lid of the toilet and stand unmoving for a moment or two to catch my breath, and brace myself for the pain that I'm sure is to come. I take in a deep breath, hold it, and begin to pee. "OH, CHRIST!" The pain is greater than I anticipated and it catches me off guard. My knees begin to wobble as the blood tinged fluid rips from my body. (I bend down slightly to support myself on the back of the toilet tank. Blackness blurs at the edge of my vision and I fear I might pass out. I can't control the choking sobs.

And Clark's here. I clutch onto him with one arm and try to remember how to breath. "Lex..!" His bright green eyes are wide with terror.

I try to get control of myself in order to dissipate his worry. "Kidney punches..." My voice squeaks. I take a couple of deep breaths and will my voice to work. "I'm alright, Clark." Better. My voice shakes but it doesn't squeak. "Give it a second..." The pain gradually subsides and my urine turns from bright pink to a healthier shade of pale yellow. I wipe the tears from my face and flush the toilet. My breathing is more relaxed but Clark is still clutching me from behind as though afraid I'm going to collapse. I don't want to admit it to him, or to myself for that matter, but if he hadn't come in when he did, I probably would have a fainted. But the pain is easing, and my vision is clear. I don't think I'm in danger anymore of collapse. I place a reassuring hand on his strong shoulder and feel his anxious trembling. "I'm fine now Clark. My body just needed to flush it out, that's all."

I lean into him for a moment, enjoying the contact...and the support. I may be out of danger from passing out, but my knees still feel like Jell-O. "You screamed." His voice is a trembling whisper.

"It hurt."

"So I heard. You scared the living death out of me. I thought...I thought that whoever hurt you..." I'm at the sink, washing my hands. I wait for him to finish his sentence. He doesn't.

"You thought that whoever hurt me was here, hurting me again." My voice is dead in my ears, I soap my hands again to buy m myself some composure time before I face him.

"Yeah."

I've overcome with a strange feeling I can't quite identify. I've never really felt it before. His compassion, his worry over me. I go over to him and take him into my arms. "Oh, Clark, I'm sorry. It's okay. I'm okay."

"You're not okay, Lex." He tightens his hold on me, I hold back a wince because even if the hug hurts, I don't want him to let go. "Someone hurt you. Someone hurt you very, very bad...and I...I wasn't there. And you wouldn't have been there to get hurt in the first place if it weren't for me! This is all my fault. Oh, God, Lex, I'm so sorry."

I pull away and look sharply into his eyes, my hands knead firmly into his shoulders. "I don't want you blaming yourself for this. This is NOT your fault, Clark." He hides his eyes beneath damp eyelashes. I grab his face with my hands and try to catch his eyes. "Look at me." He still averts my gaze. I know it will hurt like hell, but I pull his face to mine and devour his lips with hungry kisses. My lips are stiff and swollen. They're tender yet I force them to move as gracefully as possible. My kiss still feels clumsy, and one of the bigger cuts to the side of my mouth splits open and I can taste fresh blood. Clark tried to pull away when he realizes that I'm bleeding. But the taste of my blood on Clark's hot tongue drives me into a frenzy. I don't know why, I can't explain it, all I know is that heat is rushing through my entire being, and my cock swells to an aching rock.

I throw myself into him and force him up against the tiled bathroom wall. I grind my throbbing member into him and he lets out a long, low moan that sends shivers of excitement crackling up my spine. His breath is coming fast and hard, and I feel his own thick erection jabbing into my tender hip. His hands hover, indecisively, wanting to touch me in return, but afraid of doing damage. My h and fumbles its way into his boxers and takes hold of his hot, hard cock and I begin to pump frantically.

He gasps in both surprise and pleasure and melts into me for one sweet second before his hands remove me from him and he pushes me away. His eyes are bright with lust, my red, red blood stains his swollen lips and I go to kiss those delicious lips again, but he stops me. "Lex, stop." Rejection slaps me hard in the chest.

Anger starts to sneak it's way in my head and my eyes burn. He touches his fingertips gingerly to my lips. That sweet gesture takes the anger away and dulls the rejection. "I do want you Lex." He licks his lips and swallows hard. His voice is hoarse and breathy with desire. "Oh sweet Jesus, I want you."

"I want you too, Clark. We seem to be in agreement, so..." I step back close to him and rub him through his shorts. His breath hitches in his throat and he grinds into my hand. Then pushes me away again.

"I don't want to hurt you Lex. Please, let's wait for you to heal. After what you've just been through..."

The image of Lionel's face swims in my head. All of my bruises, cuts and tears throb with a new energy at the recollection. And suddenly I'm filled with more than just desire for this beautiful boy before me. Anger, disgust, fear. It all bubbles up in me. The memory of being so out of control, unable to do anything to protect myself. I not only want Clark, I NEED him. I need him with a desperation that I've never felt before. The desperate need to placate myself before another man, nut to be in CONTROL of that placation.

I drop to my knees before him and nuzzle my face into his crotch. I breathe him in as I slide my fingers beneath the elastic band of his boxers. I look pleadingly, desperately, hungrily into his bright eyes. "Please Clark, I need this. I need to do this."

His pupils dilate instantly, swallowing the green with black desire. Lex Luthor on his knees, begging to suck his cock is having a profound on him. That day at the lake I felt his need for control. I sensed in him the potential of a domineering lover who can be both gentle and fierce. And that's exactly what I need. What I've been searching for. I know the thought of sexual control is as much of a turn on for him as the actual pleasure of fucking itself. Though he may not fully realize that yet. I do.

But his conscience is still holding him back. I can see desire and conscience doing battle within him. I would've liked to ease him into such things in a gentler, more subtle way. But I need him to take control of me. I need to give myself completely and shamelessly to someone that I trust. Someone that I...love. I NEED this because it will help me feel in control of myself again, because it will be MY choice, and mine alone. To assuage the sickening guilt that is tearing through my gut, the shame, the vulnerability. He wants this too. I see it written so blatantly all over his face. He just needs a little push.

I lean away from him, squat on my haunches, and hold my hands behind my back. The submissive position that I have taken visibly startles him. I can guess only too well that he's surprised and slightly confused at his body's reaction. The front of his shorts darken from a sudden rush of precome. "Lex?" His voice is barely a scratchy whisper. His pupils expand almost to the limits of the irises and he takes a tentative step towards me.

I hold his gaze, lick my lips and go in for the kill. "Please, let me suck your cock?"

I can almost hear the 'click' as he finally lets go and gives in to his base instincts. He moves towards me with the confidence of pure lust. He angles his bulging shorts in front of me. His eyes burn with an intensity that I've never before seen in them, they're practically glowing red. I feel my own aching cock pulse and throb, straining to break free of the restraints of my pajama pants. His large hand cups the side of my face, and angles my face to his heated gaze. "What do you want?" A challenge. Testing the waters to be sure he hasn't misinterpreted my game.

"I want your cock. Please, let me suck your cock?"

He lets go of my chin and pulls off his boxers. He grabs his cock by the base and squeezes. Precome glistens on the pink tip. "Yes Lex." His voice is deep, guttural. He teases the tip of his cock on my mouth, smearing his hot, sticky precome deliciously around my lips. I flick out my tongue wanting a better taste of the sweet, tangy taste of my Clark. He pulls away, just out of reach of my tongue. Teasing. Waiting.

"Please. Oh God, please let me taste you." I'm surprised that my begging is genuine. One small taste, and I'm already addicted, and desperate for more.

His hand cups that back of my head and pulls me closer to his weeping head. "Suck my cock Lex." And he pushes past my lips and teeth and plunges into the back of my throat. I swallow instinctively to counteract my gag reflex, and purse my lips and roll my tongue as he pulls out slowly. This time I'm ready for him when he plunge back in. He pulls slowly out, groaning as I alternate sucking with swirling my tongue around his shaft, then plunges back in again. I knead into his velvety balls and that elicits more groans of satisfaction from him and urges me on. I reach out my middle finger and rub teasingly, searchingly up his taint. When my finger finds his tight little hole and pokes tentatively, the pace of his thrusting quickens. He grabs onto both sides of my head and proceeds to face fuck me. His thrusting is hard, and fast and I can hardly catch a breath, but I don't care. Clark is completely lost and writhing with the pleasure that I am providing him, and I feel my balls tighten and a tingling in my stomach. I'm taken by surprise when the orgasm explodes from my untouched cock. I gasp and lose rhythm with Clark, but only for a moment. I suck and swallow his cock with even more fervor and reverence than before. His legs begin to tremble, and I feel his balls shrink within the palm of my hand. He's close. I wait for him to pull back and almost out of my mouth, then I plunge my finger, knuckle deep into his hole and rub upwards at the same instant he's plunging himself back into my wet, hot mouth. "Oh Christ!" He screams out as his come spills hot and hard down the back of my throat. I swallow and lick and suck, careful not to waste one precious drop.

His trembling eases and he releases his vice like grip off of my head. I try to ease my finger out of him gently, but he still gasps out in pain when I'm free. He drops to his knees and pulls me into his arms and then up into his lap. His mouth captures mine with his. His tongue is hot and sweet, and his kiss leaves me gasping. "Wow." Awe and surprise are written all over his face.

"Thank you." I mumble and lean in for another kiss. My lip is still bleeding slightly, and the lingering flavour of Clark in my mouth mixes with the coppery taste of my own blood, and I've never tasted anything so wonderful. Clark seems to be enjoying the unique blend as well.

He pulls back and says, "No, thank you. God, Lex that was..." He throws his hands up into the air in a wide arc, then pulls me tighter into his arms and kisses me again. A long moan of satisfaction rumbles in his throat. I melt against him. I've at last found my heave.

The shower spray is hot and soothing. Clark's soapy hands working the later between my thighs is also hot, but in completely different way. Just as my cock begins to twitch, and threaten to swell between us, his hands move upwards, soaping my belly.

I'm smiling, content, and then I see his face as he moves in to soap my chest, and I lose my smile. His face is twisted, contorted in what looks like pain. "Clark, what's wrong?" He lathers his hands up with more soap and rubs his slippery hands over shoulders. "Clark?"

He runs a shy finger under my ribcage. "Who did this to you?" I look down and see that his finger is tracing around an ugly, dark bruise. Just one of many.

My heart beat quickens, and I feel cold despite the hot water beating against my back. I can't tell him the truth, he wouldn't understand. He'd be completely disgusted with me and leave forever.

He looks up at me, his eyes are searching, boring into me. "Who did this?"

"I...I don't know."

Confusion with a flash of anger, "What do you mean? How can you not know Lex?"

I can't think of a feasible answer. I turn away from him and step out of the shower. I wrap a soft, plush towel around my waist pad over to the medicine counter. I hear him shut off the shower and step out. I open the medicine cabinet and reach in for my bottle of pain pills, suddenly the mild ache has turned into a blinding, throbbing pain all over. Clark pads over to me. "Lex?" I see his reflection in the mirror, his face and eyes confused, concerned. I take two pills out of the bottle and pop them into my mouth and avert his gaze in the mirror by bending my head down to the cold water tap. I run the cold water and hold my sore lips to the faucet to drink. His hand is warm and damp on my back. "Lex, please...who did this to you? Who was it that hurt you?"

I wipe my mouth in the crook of my elbow and let out an exasperated sigh. Then it comes to me. The answer is so obviously simple, and there's no way he can argue it with me, and he'll have to drop the subject. I can't bear to lie to his face though and I need an air of casualty. I throw my lie over my shoulder as I head into the bedroom to get dressed. "I really don't know, Clark. It was dark, and they came at me from behind. I was blindfolded..." not entirely untrue, Lionel did have me blindfolded, "...and they stuffed me in what I'm assuming was a van." this also is not entirely untrue. After Lionel finished with me he had his goons throw me in the back of a van and they drove me back to the mansion. Literally throwing me out of the van and onto the lawn before driving off.

His big, strong arms come to wrap around me from behind. "Oh my God! I'm sorry Lex. I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault Clark."

"I'm still sorry." He places a gentle kiss on top of my head and I'm almost brought to tears by the simple gesture. The only other person who's ever kissed my freakish bald head was my mother. Jesus Lex, snap out of it. Stop being so fucking emotional, it's weak. His voice breaks through my self berating inner monologue, "Are you going to call Toby?"

I ease out of his embrace and walk over to the antique rosewood armoire. I reach in for a fresh pair of boxers and slip them on. I had hoped Clark would forget. I know I need to call Toby, but I feel sick at the thought of it. I feel sick because he'll take one look at e and know. True, it's been years since he's been called in to patch me up Lionel's gotten through with me. But he'll still know. And I'm ashamed. I let out an exasperated sigh.

"Lex, you promised."

"Okay. I'll call him after breakfast." Right on cure a loud growl gurgles from the depths of Clark's hard flat belly. I can't help but chuckle to myself.

He looks doubtful. "Why don't you call him now?"

"Can I finish getting dressed first?" I grumble.

"Well, of course, I didn't mean right this very second." He jumps into a pair of soft, faded blue jeans.

"Alright, let me finish getting dressed. In the meantime, why don't you head on downstairs to the kitchen and see if you can scrounge us up some breakfast?"

He still looks doubtful, and I realize it's because he wants to be a witness. "Clark, I promise I WILL call."

A sheepish smile graces hi face, "Okay. Sorry." He slips a white tank top over his head and I can't help but gape at his sexy frame. He pulls a big flannel shirt on over it, and I'm sad to see his biceps and muscles disappear. I've only got one leg in my pants, I was distracted mid dress by the luscious sight that is Clark Kent. He shuffles over to me and chastely kisses the side of my gaping mouth. He blushes, and heads quickly towards the door. My chest constricts with some emotion I can't place. The simple sweetness, the innocence of that tiny kiss causing him to blush bright red. Or maybe it was the memory of what I did to him with that mouth less than an hour ago in the bathroom that makes him blush. I grin.

He disappears out the door, only to pop back in the second he's out of sight. "Oh, do you need help getting dressed?"

I realize that I'm still half in, half out of my pants and I probably look like a complete moron. "I think I can probably manage."

"Are you sure?" I usually hate feeling coddled, but it's different with Clark. It hurts to smile, but I can't stop myself."

"I'm sure."

He pops out, then back in again, "Call for me when you're ready so I can come help you down the stairs."

"Clark, I'm not a complete invalid. I can handle a few stairs. Besides this is a rather large house, and I doubt I have the lung capacity to shout loud enough for you to hear me all the way from the kitchen."

His green eyes sparkle mischievously and an impish grin spreads across his face. "Oh, you don't have to shout, Lex. I'd be able to hear you even if you whispered."

I cock my head in consternation, not getting his joke.

"I have super hearing. It's one of my abilities." He comes over to place another kiss on the corner of my mouth. He blushes, but still manages a huge grin regardless. "I'm also very, very fast."

And then he's gone, vanished with a whoosh of air. And I'm left standing half in and half out of my pants still, my mouth hanging open to the floor.


	7. Chapter 7

An Ounce of Restraint

By: karacullen23

Rated: NC-17

WARNING: Slash, as in two men having sexual relations. If this isn't your cuppa' tea, don't read.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters, nor do I get paid for the crap that I write.

A/N: Yeah, I'm sorry that I left off that last chapter so suddenly… for some reason, the entire chapter didn't upload? It wasn't until I got online the other day and had all these reviews and messages asking for Clark to do something about Lionel and I was like, "wtf, I thought I'd set that up" then I realized that only half the chapter uploaded. So anyway… soooo sorry about that, here's the rest of the chapter…..finally.

Chapter Seven: (chapter six; part two)

Lex's POV:

"You know, I've been cleaning and stitching you up for years. When's it gonna end Lex?" Toby's voice is hard, angry. Angry for me. He cuts the end of the thread and ties it off. He's just finished stitching up my brow.

"I thought it had ended." My voice sounds flat, small.

"People like that never change Lex. That sick bastard deserves to be locked away and the goddamned key thrown away. At the very fuckin' least."

"No one would dare try to throw my father in jail, Toby. He'd have anyone who tired simply, erased. Besides, it's my word against his."

"I'd testify on your behalf. Let that bastard try to do away with me. I'm not that easily spooked."

"Thanks for the offer, but his bark is nothing compared to his actual bite. I couldn't risk putting you in that position."

"I'm not afraid of that old goat."

"You should be."

He dabs iodine over my freshly stitched cuts. And checks, and then double-checks all my injuries thus far. Five stitches on my brow, two small stitches on my bottom lip, and an impressive amount of butterfly stitches over the cut in my throat. We are both silent. Moments tick by in tense silence. Toby's done all he can for my more superficial, less 'private' injuries. It has been years since Lionel actually raped me, and the last couple of times that Toby's seen me, all I had was a couple of broken ribs. The time before that, Lionel had smashed a brandy glass into my face and Toby pulled the broken shards from my flesh and stitched my upper lip. Maybe Toby will just assume that the busted brow and mouth, the swelling and bruising to my face and torso was the extent of my injuries. I know that's wishful thinking. Toby's no idiot.

Toby clears his throat. "Anything else?"

"Nope. What do I owe you?" I try to keep my voice level, nonchalant. It doesn't work.

He sighs, he sees right through me as if I were crystal. "Christ." I try to look menacing, but I feel the heat rising in my face and it's damn near impossible to look menacing while blushing. "Take off your pants and lay on the bed, let me have a look."

"I'm fine."

"Lex..."

I do as he asks, and try to imagine myself somewhere other than laying completely naked on my hands and knees, my legs spread, my ass in Toby's face. "Jesus." He mutters under his breath. Even with latex gloves, his hands feel cold on my delicate skin. "I'm afraid you're going to need quite a few stitches. That sick fuck really did a number on you this time."

I bury my face into the mattress and try to stifle the sobs that want to escape me. The shame, the loss of my dignity, yet again, is too much. I'm Lex fucking Luthor goddamnit. I don't cry. I don't fucking cry. Though I seem to be doing alot of crying lately. A great, hitching sob escapes me, followed by another, and another and I can't stop. I feel Toby's hand on my shoulder, it's not like he hasn't seen this from me before. But it was different before. I was still a kid the last time Lionel sodomised me, kids cry. I'm fucking twenty-three years old, I'm not a kid anymore. Lionel shouldn't have been able to do this to me again. And I should be able to take it like a fucking man instead of breaking down like the scared fourteen year old I'd been the last time. I wish I could just die right now. "I'm sorry, Lex. Do you need a few minutes?"

I don't answer, I can't answer, I'm too busy crying like a little bitch. He pats my shoulder reassuringly and starts to head out the door to let me suffer through this disgustingly shameful sobbing in private. "Hey, do you want me to get Clark for you?"

That snaps me out of it. I practically jump up, panic taking the place of self-loathing. "NO."

Toby looks shocked at my outburst. His eyes narrow and he looks at me calculating. "You didn't tell him?"

"Of course I didn't tell him, and I'm not going to. He doesn't need to know."

"You shouldn't keep something like this to yourself Lex. It'll sit inside and eat away at you from the inside out. In all the years I've known you, you've never had anyone in your life who loves and cares about you more than that kid does."

"No. He doesn't need to know Toby. It's bad enough that he's seen me and knows that 'somebody' hurt me. If he knew it were Lionel that did it...my own fucking father...my own fucking father fucked me and has been fucking me since I was nine years old! Again and again, and I can't do anything to stop it, I haven't done anything to stop it. I keep letting it happen. How the hell do you think he'd react to something like that? The boy practically grew up with the Brady fucking Bunch. He couldn't understand something like this. Don't you see? He'd run screaming."

"I don't think he would, Lex. But hey, it's your life. Do as you will."

"I can't risk it. I'll be fine. I've been through this before by myself, and I'll get through it again."

He lets out a quiet sigh and turns to his medical bag. "Are you ready to get stitched up or do you want a few minutes?"

"I'm ready."

He slips on a fresh pair of latex gloves, fills a syringe with novocaine and walks over to me. I close my eyes and try to envision myself anywhere...but here.

Clark's POV:

I know I shouldn't have. Lex requested privacy. Lex deserves privacy. But I hear him crying, I can't stand it and rush upstairs to be near him. It's not like Lex to keep me from him. We've always had a very open, very close relationship. Even before that day at the lake when our relationship changed forever. We were best friends and shared everything with one another from every tiny little embarrassing or intimate detail to the stupid little inconsequential things. I don't understand why he was so insistent that I not be present while Toby examines him. I've sat in with Lex before while Toby's had to patch him up, more times than I'd like to think about.

And I've certainly seen him in worse shape than this before. But there's something about the hollow look in his eyes that's been bothering me. The desperation on his face this morning in the bathroom. It was something more than just the sex, I could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice. I don't know what it is, but something is off. It doesn't make sense to me. No matter how bad I've seen him hurt before in the past, Lex has always maintained in control for the most part of his emotions. Lex is strong, confident, and doesn't let anyone or anything affect him, and if it does, he keeps it inside. Locked up tight. Even from me. Lex doesn't sweat it. If the world were falling down around us, Lex would simply stay calm, assess the situation and think up some brilliant plan to save us.

Lex doesn't panic, and he sure as hell doesn't cry. Except that this isn't the first time in less than twenty- four hours he's been reduced to a sobbing mess. Something is wrong, very wrong, and I need to know what it is that has Lex so upset. If I don't know what is wrong, how can I fix it?

So I'm standing outside the door. Lex is behind this closed door and he's in there sobbing. I want to run in and hold him and rock him and make the hurt go away. But I can't. He practically begged me to stay away from the room while Toby's here. I'm torn between wanting to respect his wishes for privacy and busting down this damn door to get to him.

"NO!" Lex's voice is panic stricken, terrified.

I instinctively reach for the doorknob, but then I hear Toby's voice, "You didn't tell him?" I stop and focus my super hearing.

Lex is no longer crying, and his voice is quiet, but there's still a trace of panic. "Of course I didn't tell him, and I'm not going to. He doesn't need to know."

Tell who? Me? Tell me what? What didn't you tell me Lex?

Toby's talking. "You shouldn't keep something like this to yourself Lex. It'll sit inside and eat away at you from the inside out. In all the years I've known you, you've never had anyone in your life who loves and cares about you more than that kid does."

"No. He doesn't need to know Toby. It's bad enough that he's seen me and knows that 'somebody' hurt me. If he knew it were Lionel that did it...my own fucking father...my own fucking father fucked me and has been fucking me since I was nine years old!…" Lex is still talking, but I can no longer seem to focus to keep my super hearing working. My head feels fuzzy, and I slide down the wall to the floor and try to wrap my head around what I just overheard.

Lionel? Lionel did this to him? Lex's words echo in my head, "…If he knew it were Lionel that did it..." Oh my God. "…And has been fucking me since I was nine years old…" Oh, God. Now I know why Lex didn't want me in there. He didn't want me to know that he'd been raped. Raped. The word clicks hard into my brain. RAPED. Lex was RAPED! Oh that BASTARD! He's been raping his own son for years and Lex has been keeping it a secret. Of course he's been keeping it a secret! Oh my God…Lex! Poor Lex! His own FATHER? Confusion and horror swell within me. I knew Lionel was a sick, twisted, evil man…but…this?

I feel hot and cold and sick. I'm trembling and I feel the heat building behind my eyes. An image of Lex dances in my head. Little Lex, so young, so innocent, so…so alone and completely at the mercy of a very sick, twisted father. Little memories flash in my head…an almost imperceptible flinch here, the strange, almost hollow, fleeting shadow in his gray-violet eyes…and all the pieces fit together. How could I have not seen it before?

Rage hits me like a truck and my fists clench tight. I stand up on trembling legs and try not to scream. He's NOT going to EVER hurt Lex again. My mind races with rage induced mania. I could super speed to his Metropolis Penthouse, snap his scrawny fucking neck…so easily, like a dry twig. I could ensure that he never has the chance to ever touch Lex again. I could go kill the sick mother -fucker and be back before Lex even knows I'm gone. He'd never have to know. His father would be dead and he'd be free. He would no longer have to live in fear.

I press my palm to the door and think of Lex on the other side with Toby. I don't want to leave him. But I won't be long. I won't be long at all. And besides, I know he's safe with Toby. I know what I have to do. My mind is made up. Lionel Luthor is never going hurt Lex EVER again. Because Lionel Luthor…is a dead man.


	8. Chapter 8

An Ounce of Restraint

by: karacullen23

Rated: NC-17

WARNING: Slash, as in two men having sexual relations. If this isn't your cuppa' tea, don't read.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters, nor do I get paid for the crap that I write.

Chapter Eight

(Lex's POV)

"You must stop him."

I spin around behind me, but no one's there. Toby left almost twenty minutes ago, and I don't know where Clark is.

"You must stop him Alexander."

"Who's there?" I whisper into the empty hallway, my entire body trembling. You're cracking up, Lex, it's finally happened, you've gone total bat shit crazy!

"I am Jor-El, birth father to Kal-El, the man you know as Clark Kent."

"I don't understand?"

"All you must understand for now Alexander is that you must stop him before it's too late and his destiny is changed forever. The entire fate earth's future is at stake. You must go, now."

Bright light erupts from above and closes in on me. The light is hot and my entire body feels like it's going to burn and blister. Then as suddenly as the light appeared, it's gone. I take a moment to catch my breath and look down at my trembling hands, expecting to see oozing, red blisters, but my hands are fine. I let out a shaky breath only to have it knocked out of me again. I don't know how the hell It happened, but I'm standing at the entrance to LuthorCorp, in Metropolis.

(Clark's POV)

With tears streaming down my face I bust into his office. He's sitting at his glass top desk and looks up at me, surprise written all over his face.

"Clark?"

I rush at him not caring that I'm giving myself away. I tear through the desk to get at him, wood and glass and debris flying in all directions. All I care about is getting my hands on him. His eyes widen in a moment of horror as I grab for his throat. My entire body feels hot and electrified as I throw him like a rag doll into the far wall. "You sick bastard! You sorry son of a bitch!" I scream at him.

He's slumped in a heap on the floor, his hand rubbing at his sore throat. Blood trickles out of his nose and the sight of it sends shivers of satisfaction through me and urges me on. I stomp over and loom above him. I glare down at him, the heat building behind my eyes and I let it burn. "How could you?" I spit out as the wall beside him starts to smoke and then suddenly burst into flames.

He tries to get to his feet but I'm there, and before I realize I'm doing it, I have a fistful of his hair and I'm bashing his face into the floor, and he's screaming. I've never heard Lionel Luthor scream before, I like it...very much. "How could you do that to Lex? He's your son? Your son!"

His arms flail uselessly about trying to get hold of me to stop me. It's pointless, no one can save him now. He goes limp and I let him drop to the floor. He moans and rolls over to look up at me. His face is covered in blood, he coughs and gags and spits out a mouthful of slobbery bright red blood. His nose is twisted grotesqly to one side. I reach down to grab him but he puts his arm up to shield me. "Clark...Clark please..."

I stop and tilt my head to one side and look him in the eyes. "Did Lex plead with you? Did you show him mercy?"

His broken face pales as realization comes to him. "Clark, I would never hurt my son. I don't know what you think I did, but I assure you, it's not true. Lex is...Lex is, well, he's not well Clark. He's delusional, out of touch with reality right now. Clark, I found him like that in Metropolis."

The longer he goes on, the angrier I get. "Enough!" I shout at him. I pick him up by his blood sticky throat and slam him up against the wall, his feet dangle off the floor as I hold him there. I snarl up at him, "You're a monster. You make me sick and you don't deserve to live." I start to squeeze, choking him. His eyes bulge and his hands claw at me for relief, but I just hold him tighter. I could crush his windpipe or snap his neck no problem at all. But I'd rather watch him die slowly. It takes all of my self-control not to simply snap his neck in an instant. I exhort just enough pressure to keep the air from entering his lungs. His mouth opens and closes trying to suck in air that won't come. He looks like a fish out of water. His face is bright red and his struggling starts to lose its oomph. Just as his eyes roll into the back of his head and he loses consciousness I feel a light touch on my shoulder.

I whip my head around. "Lex?"

"Clark, don't" His voice is quiet, almost a whisper.

"Why shouldn't I? He hurt you. Lex I know what he did to you? He's a monster!" I slam Lionel's limp body into the wall for emphasis.

Lex places a trembling hand on mine that has his father by the throat. His stormy eyes plead with me. "Clark, I can't let you do this."

"I want to kill him for what he did to you. I won't let him hurt you ever again." I snarl into Lionel's unconscious and broken face.

"You're not a killer Clark. I can't let you become one because of me." He grips me by the wrist and squeezes. "Let go, Clark. Please. This isn't who you are. This isn't who I want you to be...ever."

The anger drains from me and it's replaced with a numb sort of cold feeling. I loose my grip on Lionel and he crashes to the floor at my feet.

I stand, stunned and unable to so much as twitch a muscle. Terrified of myself, my actions.

"He's still breathing, but his pulse is pretty weak. We should probably call a doctor."

I hadn't noticed before, but I notice now. Lex is on his knees, leaning over his father, his delicate fingers feeling the pulse at Lionel's bloody throat. The sight of Lex like that, on his knees at his father's side looking very obviously worried confuses me and brings some of the anger back.

"Did he call a doctor for you Lex?" I spit out.

He blanches and swallows hard.

"Why should you care after what he did to you? Let him lay there and choke on his own blood and die for all I fucking care!"

He gapes up at me in astonishment. "He's still my father, Clark."

It's my turn to gape. "Don't tell me you give a shit whether he lives or dies, Lex. Don't tell me give a shit about this sick, pathetic excuse for a human being!"

He lets go of his fathers arm and stands up to face me. He places both of his hands on either side of my face and his desperate eyes bore into me as though he's trying to speak directly into my soul. "Clark, I can't lie to you. I don't know why, after everything he's done, I still don't want to see him killed. I can't explain it, and I hate it that I feel this way. But that's not what this is about. This is about you, Clark."

"I don't understand, Lex."

"I'd rather die myself then see you become a murderer Clark. If you were to cross that line, you'd never be able to completely come back from that. It would change you, forever. Change you into someone other than the man I fell in love with."

I don't know how to respond to him. I feel ashamed and confused. I feel the ghost of potential loss whisper in my ear. He's right. No man could ever be the same after having taken a life. How can either of us be so sure that Lex could still love me after something like that? If I were to become a killer, especially if I were the one to kill his father. Could we survive something like that? Probably not. And then it hits me, "Oh God, I almost killed him! I almost killed him Lex!" I feel suddenly very cold and I tremble.

Lex pulls me into his arms and his soft lips brush sweetly against my neck. "It's alright Clark, It's ok. He's not dead." He steps away towards the far wall, which is still in flames. "But we should probably call the fire department"

"Oh, shit!" I tear my shirt off up over my head and rush over and start batting at the flames licking up the wall.

"Clark! You'll burn yourself!" His voice is full of anxiety.

"It's ok, it can't hurt me." I call out over my shoulder. I continue beating at the flames, secretly wishing I could just let it burn. Let the fire burn big and hot and eat Lionel.

"Clark!"

The last bit of flame dies out and I wipe the sweat from my forehead with my scorched shirt. Lex rushes over to me and grabs my arms to inspect the damage that he's sure must be there, even though there isn't any. I hold my soot covered hands palm up and open them to show Lex. "See, I'm fine."

His finger touches my outstretched palm gently to be sure. Once convinced that no damage was done he shakes his head incredulously and lets out a deep and shaky breath. "Christ."

"I'm sorry, Lex."

He drops my hands and runs a trembling hand over his skull. I usually enjoy watching this particular unconscious nervous gesture of his, but not now. Not when I'm the cause of his distress.

"Let's just go home, okay?" His voice sounds far away from me, and I realize he's put his guard up. He turns on his heels and marches towards the door not bothering to see if I'm following. I think he's mad, or worse, afraid of me. Afraid of the freak alien who nearly killed his father, set the place on fire and then battled the flames out using nothing but a t-shirt and my bare hands.

He calls over his shoulder from the doorway to ask if I'm coming. I start to put my shirt back on, but realize it's no use, it's completely destroyed. I bunch it up into my hand and follow Lex out the door.


	9. Chapter 9

An Ounce of Restraint

By: karacullen23

Rated: NC-17

WARNING: Slash, as in two men having sexual relations. If this isn't your cuppa' tea, don't read.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters, nor do I get paid for the crap that I write.

Chapter Nine

(Clark's POV)

"Clark, don't ever do something so stupid like that again! My God, do you realize that you could've killed him! You would have killed him!"

Anger and frustration seethes and scorches and I yell back, "You should have let me!"

Lex looks curiously at me in such a way that I'm uncomfortable under such close scrutiny and I lower my gaze to stare at my dirty sneakers. I sense more than hear him moving closer to me. His hand is on my shoulder and his voice is softer than before. "Clark, I don't know how to make you understand." He lets out a quiet sigh and lets go of my shoulder. He runs his hand over his scalp and limps over to pour himself a drink. The golden liquid disappears down his throat in one gulp and he refills his glass.

"I don't need to understand, Lex! That man deserves far worse than I could ever give him. What he did to you he deserves nothing less than the darkest pit of Hell."

"And who the hell are you to decide that, Clark?" I watch nervously as he slams the empty glass down onto the bar and begins manically pacing the floor of his study. My heart is pounding in my chest, my ears are hot and my eyes are burning, threatening tears. Lex has never yelled at me like this before. I don't understand why he's this upset. If Lionel were dead, he'd be free. He wouldn't have to be afraid anymore, ever again. The entire world would be better off without Lionel Luthor. It scares me that I feel this way; it scares the hell out of me that I almost killed him. How badly I wanted to watch the light dim from his eyes as I choked the life out of him. I'm still shaky from the experience. Admittedly I'm more shaken by the discovery that I have such dark urges then the fact that Lionel Luthor's death could have been the result of them. It's not as though Lionel Luthor doesn't deserve it.

"I wanted to kill him. I still want to kill him, and it scares me that I feel this way Lex, but…" The words are sticking in my throat and I feel like I want to cry. I want to scream.

"It's understandable you feel that way. Christ Clark, it's only human. But just because you can do something, and just because someone may deserve it…" He stops to take in a raspy breath and lets it out with a bitter chuckle. "And believe me, they may REALLY deserve it. But that doesn't mean that you should do it."

"You sound like my dad." I mumble and slump down onto the arm of the leather couch.

Lex comes and sits next to me and places a soft, cool hand on mine. "I just don't want you to feel that you have a responsibility. And murder…" He seems to choke on the word before steadying himself. "I don't know what all of your abilities are just yet, but I do know that they're like nothing that has ever been seen before on the face of this earth. But I know you and I know that you would never do anything to hurt another living soul. I know you would never abuse whatever powers you may have for anything deliberately malicious or evil. I've always sensed this great…power in you Clark and it scares the shit out of me sometimes. You have always used whatever abilities you have to help people. You're not a murderer, Clark. You're a savior. You're my savior."

His last words are whispered as he lays his head against my side. My hand instinctively reaches around to pull him closer and hold him. "I don't think that killing that man would be evil or malicious. He's evil and malicious."

"We'll find another way, Clark. Please, we can find another way."

He's trembling in my arms, and his voice is quiet….tired. And I feel like an ass. Lex is hurting, inside and out and I'm so caught up in my own feelings that I forgot that he's still fragile right now. I glance over at him and take in his pale, porcelain visage and almost cry. The angry black and blue bruises marring his delicate skin, the tired and sad eyes sunken into dark black and blue hollows. Fresh blood seeps from the bottom of the thick bandage wrapped around his damaged throat. I swallow down a fresh wave of hatred for Lionel Luthor and focus on the fact that Lex needs me. He needs me to be strong for the both of us right now. "Come on, Lex. We need to change that bandage, it's leaking."

I stand up and hold out my hand to help him up. He takes my proffered hand and gets unsteadily to his feet. I want to just scoop him up into my arms and carry him, but I resist the urge. Lex probably needs to preserve as much dignity as possible right now, especially now that I know what really happened to him. I compromise and wrap my arm around his waist so that he can lean into me if he needs or wants to. He rests his head against my shoulder and we head towards the stairway.

I don't understand how he knew where I had gone, and what's an even bigger mystery is how the hell he got there so fast. I mean even going at super speed it still took me just under fifteen minutes to get there. I'm not sure how fast I am exactly, but I do know that there's no way he could have driven it that quickly, no matter how fast he drove.

I don't think it's a very good time to be asking him questions though. So I'll just keep my questions to myself for now. Lex is trying to get up the stairs without my help. He's so fucking stubborn. "Lex, why don't you lean on me and let me help you?"

"I'm fine, Clark. I'm perfectly capable of walking up a couple of stairs."

He's not fine. He's wincing with pain every step up. Bright red blood is trickling down his fragile, pale throat and staining his shirt collar. A fresh wave of anger and homicidal intent towards Lionel rush through me, but I swallow it down. I think of Lionel's face all battered and bloody. The look of terror in his purple face as I was choking the life out of him, and this makes me feel better.

I only hope that Lionel is in as much pain right now, if not worse than Lex. For now I will have to be satisfied with this, but I will figure out a way to finish the bastard off. I just need to figure out how to do it in a way that isn't too obvious. I don't care what Lex says, I know he'd be better off if his father were dead. I think it's that Lex doesn't want me to bloody my hands.

He thinks that I'm this naïve, innocent kid and he doesn't want that to change. Well I'm not as innocent as everyone would like to think. I still have nightmares about some of the things I did when I was living in Metropolis. A shudder goes through me. My parents and Pete all thought I was under the influence of the red K the whole time, and that wasn't entirely the truth. I let them think that only because I was too ashamed to admit otherwise.

We're almost to the top of the stairway when Lex's foot can't quite make it all the way to the next step and he slips, trips and almost falls. I catch him and steady him on his feet. I can tell he's embarrassed and I wish he wouldn't be. But he reluctantly lets me help him the rest of the way up the stairs and into the bedroom. Yes, Lionel Luthor's days are definitely numbered, and I hold the ticket.

I lay in bed watching Lex sleep. His breathing is still a little raspy, but deep and rhythmic. The moonlight streaming in through the window paints a surreal light upon his face. Images of ghosts and gothic Lolita princesses dance in my head. I smile to myself knowing that if Lex ever knew I was thinking of him in such a way, he'd probably act very offended even if secretly he enjoyed the idea. Maybe I can convince him to dress up as the Corpse Bride for Halloween. It's my very favorite Tim Burton film. Mostly because that was one of the first movies I ever watched with Lex. Just the two of us sitting side by side in the dark, our hands occasionally brushed together in the popcorn bowl. I still remember the tingling excitement that shot all through me at those little accidental touches. That was also one of the first times I realized that my feelings for him might be a little more than just friendly. That was the first night that I dreamed of Lex 'in that way'.

I think Lex would look amazing in aged lace and a long, flowing blue haired wig. It wouldn't be like one of those cheap, itchy polyester wigs either. Lex wouldn't be caught dead like that. No, Lex would go all out. He'd have a wig custom made from real hair. The dress would be custom made from only the finest and most expensive European lace and Chinese silk. He wouldn't need any make- up, he's already so pale. Maybe a smear of dark lipstick, and I wouldn't be able to resist those lips. His thin, pale scar on his upper lip would stand out in livid contrast to his dark raspberry painted lips. I'd kiss him and run my hands up and over his hips, the dainty silk soft and delicate, the feel of Lex beneath his silk wrappings, hard and warm and masculine. He'd thrust whole body eagerly up against me and purr wantonly into my ear.

The high-pitched trilling of Lex's cell phone wakes me up. Lex is already awake and reaching for the phone. He lets out a huff of annoyance when he doesn't recognize the number on the screen. He flips the phone open and barks into it, "Whoever this is you'd better have a damn good reason for calling me at this time of night."

I watch as his face tightens from annoyance to obvious distress. I move closer and put a hand on his shoulder. "Lex?"

He shakes his head and holds his palm up to quiet me. "How long?" He asks the mysterious person on the other end of the phone. "No I have no idea…yes…okay…I'm on my way, thank you." He snaps the phone shut and pinches the bridge of his still swollen nose between his fingers.

"What is it? Who was that?" I rub soothing circles into his tense back.

He doesn't answer right away. He shakes his head and starts to get out of bed.

"Lex, what's going on?"

He turns to look at me and his eyes are wide and worried. "That was the hospital. Apparently my father's just been admitted, he's…" He looks away and stares out the window. "He's in a coma, they don't know if…they don't know how bad it is yet."

Guilt hits me like a green meteor rock the size of Miami. Lionel Luthor is in a coma, and I'm the one who put him there. What's worse is that all I can think is that I hope the son of bitch dies.

"I have to get to Metropolis. I have to check on my father and hear what the doctors have to say and I have to talk to the police."

My heartbeat jumps into my throat. "The police! Why? They don't think that you…"

Lex rushes over to me and hugs me. "No Clark, no they don't know anything…yet. One of his people found him unconscious and called an ambulance a couple of hours ago. The police are probably just going to ask me about the last time I talked to him and things like that."

"What are you going to tell them? They're going to take one look at you and they're going to get suspicious. Lex, you can't go."

"I have to, Clark."

"They're going to ask a lot of questions Lex. They're going to want to know what happened to Lionel, and they're going to want to know what happened to you. If you tell them what Lionel did, that's motive Lex! Oh God, this is all my fault. I'm sorry Lex. I've really screwed things up worse for you haven't I? I'm so sorry…"

"Clark, calm down. It's going to be all right, okay? Don't worry. I'm just going to tell them that I haven't talked to or seen my father. And if they ask what happened to me, I'll just give them the same line that I gave you about a bunch of thugs in masks that threw me into the back of a van. If anything they may just assume that the same people who ruffed me up got to my father next. Trust me Clark, my father and I both have an impressive list of enemies. It could take them years to get through the entire list."

"What enemies do you have? Who would want to hurt you, Lex?" I can't even begin to imagine that Lex could ever do anything bad enough to warrant the kind of severe damage that's been inflicted on him. And if he does have so many enemies, I need to know about them to be on my guard. I made a promise that I would never allow anyone to hurt Lex ever again, and I intend to keep that promise.

"I'm no angel, Clark." His eyes look dark and lost but he shakes his head to clear it of whatever unpleasant thoughts are going on behind those stormy eyes. " But that's beside the point. I have to get dressed and get to Metropolis. I will try to be back by this evening. Don't worry, you just go to school and hang out with your friends at the Talon and do homework or whatever. I'll try to be home to have dinner with you but just in case…" He removes his wallet from his back pocket and hands me a credit card. "Feel free to order in or take everyone out to pizza and a movie, whatever you want."

"Lex, I want to go with you."

"That's probably not such a good idea, Clark. It's probably better if you stay out of this as much as possible."

"I'm already in 'this', Lex. It's too late for that. I'm the reason your father's in the hospital."

"Yes, but they don't know that and I don't intend for them to find out. There's a much better chance of them not finding that out if you stay here. As a matter of fact, maybe it would be a good idea if you stayed with Pete for a while."

"Lex, no! Please, I want to be with you. I don't care about anything else. You shouldn't be all alone. I don't want to leave you alone, please." Panic takes hold of me and chokes.

Lex pulls me into his arms and runs his fingers through my hair trying to placate me. "Ok, I'm sorry…of course you can stay here. I don't want you to ever leave. I was only thinking that it might be safer, for the both of us."

I burry my head in his neck, the frayed edges of the bandage tickles my nose. "I don't care, I'm not leaving."

His mouth is soft and sweet on my lips. I melt into the kiss and don't ever want to let go. He pulls back and looks at me with sad eyes. "I have to go. Stay here, get some sleep before you have to be up for school…" I start to protest but his lips are on mine again and that shuts me up. "You have to go to school, Clark. And uh…it's okay if you want to let your friends know where you're staying. But you should probably leave out the more personal details of our relationship, if you know what I mean."

"Yes, I know. Don't worry Lex, as much as I might want to let the whole world know that I love you more than life itself, I promise not to hire any skywriters or anything just yet."

He smiles and kisses me one last time. "I love you too, Clark. I will try to be back in time to have dinner with you. If you get hungry though please use the card to get whatever you need, or want, okay?"

I nod okay and let him go. He grabs his car keys and moves stiffly out the door. "Lex, take care of yourself, don't overdo it. If you have to rest promise that you will."

"Yes, Mother." And he's out the door. I listen to his heavy footfalls as he goes down the stairs and heads towards the back exit into the garage. I don't close my eyes until I can no longer hear the purr of his Aston Martin driving too fast down the dark country road heading into the city.


	10. Chapter 10

An Ounce Of Restraint

By: karacullen23

Rated: NC-17

WARNING: Slash, as in two men having sexual relations. If this isn't your cuppa' tea, don't read.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters, nor do I get paid for the crap that I write.

A/N: Sorry this update has taken a millennia, I just started college this fall and I've been trying to get back into the groove of school.

THANK YOU everyone who has been so patient with me in between updates. I appreciate it more than I can say. I hope that this story is worth it. Please keep reading and reviewing I'd like to give a special thanks to: ishala8 who is responsible for giving me the coma idea. Thank you

Chapter Ten

(Lex's POV)

I'm standing beside my father's sterile hospital bed, staring down at him. He's still unconscious and hooked up to almost a dozen different machines for life support. I'm finding it difficult right now to envision him as the monster that he is. Lying there in the bed he looks so small, so fragile, so…human.

If he dies... any answers he may have for me will die with him. If he dies, I'll never be able to ask him why he couldn't or wouldn't love me. Part of me desperately wishes that those disapproving eyes don't ever open again. If he were dead, I'd finally be free. I'd never again have to suffer through his twisted punishments that he's always been so quick to dole out to me in abundance.

But if my father were to die, what would that do to Clark? Would my sweet angel ever be the same again? Would he be able to continue through the rest of his life with bloodied hands? Even if that blood was the filthy blood of an evil man? The guilt he'd feel would be all consuming. The damage done...irrevocable.

"Mr. Luthor?"

I turn from the dark thoughts in my aching head and re-emerge into the present here and now. A short, chubby man with a sweaty face, wide set eyes and greasy blonde hair hovers in the doorway.

"Yes?"

With my acknowledgement of his presence he shuffles into the room. He brandishes credentials in a self -impressive manner. "I'm Detective Peters. I'd like to ask you some questions?" His left eye twitches as he replaces the badge inside his cheap, threadbare sports coat.

"Of course detective, whatever I can do to help." I motion him towards a chair. "Please, have a seat."

"Thank you." Short of breath he wheezes and pants as he sits. He takes a moment to catch his breath and adjust himself. He removes a small notebook from his jacket and clicks a pen open by tapping it on the side of his meaty thigh.

In defiance of the sharp pains that accompany the movement, I sit down in a chair opposite him. I'm proud of myself for not wincing. I'm the epitome of composure sitting in the hard, plastic chair. You would think that a hospital room, would have more comfortable seats. I'm definately going to have to complain to someone about this.

"I was surprised when the nurse at the front desk told me you were here. You've sort of been…missing for a while, as I understand it."

"I only just returned to Smallville last night." I try to be vague. I don't want to have to go into detailed lies about where I spent the last couple of months if I can help it. I fold my ice -cold palms together to keep them from visibly shaking. I'm not ready for this. I still feel broken and vulnerable from my encounter with my father in the motel room. But I don't have a choice. I'd like nothing more than to hide out in the mansion. Cuddling in my enormous bed with Clark. Showering with Clark. Falling asleep in Clark's arms. But I can't. Time off is one luxury that is not afforded…even to a Luthor.

I might have had the courtesy of at least a couple of days to recuperate. Unfortunately Clark unintentionally took that time away from me…from us, when he flew into Lionel's office and brained him. Oh God I hope that Lionel doesn't make it. I can't even begin to imagine what my father's plans for revenge on Clark would or will be. I don't want to even think about it.

Phlegm rattles in his throat when he speaks, "If you don't mind my asking, Mr. Luthor, where were you before returning to Smallville?"

His left eye twitches again.

I feel cold sweat beading on the back of my neck.

"I was out of the country on business."

"What exactly did this 'business' entail? I can't help but notice you seem a little worse for wear yourself."

Fuck.

"Personal business Detective that I don't care to discuss at the moment. As to my appearance I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Simply put, I was mugged. I'm all right. It looks much worse than it is."

He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. "Forgive me, but it seems like quite a coincidence that both you and your father are in a less then healthy condition."

His sagacious eyes lock with my own steely gaze. I hold my breath and try to appear urbane and unworried. I swallow hard and brace myself for the question I know is coming.

He doesn't keep me waiting. "Where exactly were you Mr. Luthor when your father was attacked?"

Clarks POV

I'm worried about Lex, I've been worried about him all day long. He's not strong enough to be traveling all the way to Metropolis. He's hardly recovered enough to leave the mansion. Now he has to deal with all this unnecessary stress and all thanks to me and my stupidity.

"Yo, Earth to Clark…" Pete's voice reaches me through my heavy thoughts. He's sitting across the table from me in the school cafeteria. He waves his dark pink palm in front of my face.

"What?" I bark out at him. A look of shock passes over his face and then he cracks up laughing.

"Damn, Clark what's up with you man? You've been in some strange Clark zone all day."

"Sorry, Pete."

Chloe is sitting next to me and I can feel her worried and inquisitive gaze sending chills down my spine.

"Dude, seriously you need to snap out of it and get with it. I mean when Mr. Atler asked you who was responsible for the attack on the metro-dome and you answered Pi divided by 3 I about fell out of my chair!"

I force a weak smile and shrug.

"Clark, is everything ok, you really have been acting strange. Ever since Lex disappeared. I know you're worried about him, but I'm sure he's ok and he'll be back soon enough. I mean, it's not like he's never disappeared like this before...and he always comes back home." Chloe's arm on my shoulder is intended to be reassuring but I'm annoyed. I still haven't told anyone anything. Not even Chloe and she's my best friend aside from Lex of course. I want to be able to talk to Chloe about what's going on but I feel so overwhelmed and confused. I just don't know how to bring it up. I wouldn't know what to say and what to leave out...and how to say it.

"I'm fine." I mumble.

She gives me a disbelieving look. I stare intently at my tray of cold congealed macaroni and cheese. "Really."

"Clark…" she leans in closer not willing to drop the subject but Pete interrupts her.

Pete elbows me to get my attention and his eyes point behind me. "Your mom just came in."

I follow his gaze to the entryway and my guts twist and turn when I see her.

Her pale face and sad eyes break my heart. She beckons me from accross the room and my legs feel like lead as I stand to go to her. I'm not sure I'm ready to face her yet, but I can't just ignore her. She's my mother.


	11. Chapter 11

An Ounce Of Restraint

By: karacullen23

Rated: NC-17

WARNING: CONTENT MAY BE DISTURBING TO SOME READERS, PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters, nor do I get paid for the crap that I write.

Chapter 11

(Clark's POV)

I sit beside my mother on an uncomfortable wooden bench in the deserted guidance office. Ten minutes of arguing with her about why I don't want to come home and she's still not letting up. "You can't leave things like this with your father. Everything's such a mess with our family right now and it's tearing us all apart. How can you and your father ever work this out if you won't even _try_ to talk to him?"

"I'm sorry mom, but I can't come home. Even if I _wanted _to, which I don't, Dad doesn't want me there. And I can't leave Lex right now, he needs me."

She brushes a stray strand of copper hair away from her eyes. "I understand you're wanting to be with Lex, after all the worrying you've done over him and his disappearance. But Lex is a grown man and I'm sure he can take care of himself."

She doesn't know about what happened to Lex. She doesn't know that he's hurt….badly hurt. I haven't told her, I'm not sure if it's my place to tell her something so…so awful and personal. I mean he wasn't even going to tell me and he's allowed me to get closer to him than he's ever allowed anyone else.

She sighs at my silence and implores me some more. "How can you and your father ever expect to fix things between you if you don't come home and attempt to work it out?"

Anger, pain, hopelessness all flutter around inside of me. "He made it pretty clear that I wasn't welcome there anymore. Mom, I didn't even recognize him. I feel like the Dad I've always known, was a lie. I'm not…the same…as him, or you…or anyone else on this planet. The awful things that he said, what he did…he pulled out kryptonite on me!."

"Oh god, Oh Sweetie…I didn't know…I'm so sorry." She pulls me into her arms and squeezes me tight. She runs soothing fingers through my hair and kisses me on the cheek. The tenderness and the compassion, the love I feel within her maternal embrace is too much. I feel tears stinging in my eyes, threatening to brim over and come gushing down my hot cheeks. I bite down on my knuckle, hard and squeeze my eyes shut in an attempt to stop the tears.

"Why did he react like that? Am I really that bad? Is the way I feel about Lex…is it…wrong?"

She jerks back and clasps her hands over my cheeks. There are tears shimmering on her lashes. Despite the tears, her eyes are fierce, piercing. "You are NOT a freak, Clark. You are a beautiful young man with a good and honest heart. There is NOTHING wrong with you. Do you hear me? Love is NEVER wrong, Honey."

"I don't know." I mumble.

"Whatever your father may have said or done…" she searches for the words, "…tensions were very high, and you know your father's temper. That doesn't excuse him, but your father does love you. He always has. You may not believe that right now, but just try to remember all that he's done, all the times he's been there. The sacrifices he's made…all out of love for you. You are his son, you always have been and you always will be."

I'm not convinced.

"Clark, I'm sure your father said and did a lot he didn't mean and that he wishes now he could take back. But you also know how proud and stubborn he is. Please, just come home Clark."

I begin to shake my head in protest but she wipes the tears off of my face with the palms of her hands and pleads, "Please, just try to talk to him?"

I know how important this is to my mother. I also know how desperate she must be to have her happy family back. Even if my dad and I could work some things out the best I could hope for would be at most a civil relationship, I don't think things could ever be the same. But for my mom, I'm willing to try. "Okay."

Her eyes smile, "Okay?"

"Yeah."

(Lex's POV)

Where the hell is Clark? School's been out for three hours now. I should not have left him without a cell phone. First thing tomorrow I'm getting that boy a phone, I don't like not knowing where he is, if he's alright, if he's coming home.

I've had an exhausting day. I fucking hurt everywhere and these damned pain pills are no longer working. Thanks to my relationship with illegal drugs off an on for the past few years, my tolerance is too high. I've already taken quadruple the 'safe' dose of these worthless pills and I'm seriously starting to consider finding something a little stronger and a lot less legal. No, I can't do that. Clark wouldn't like that. He wouldn't understand, and I don't want to give in to such weaknesses and vices anymore. I want to be a better man, one worthy of such a pure soul as Clark.

At least I got the detective off of my back for now. I gave him Toby's number for my alibi: that he was treating me here in Smallville when my father was attacked in Metropolis.

I'm starting to feel light headed from the pain and I feel like I should go lay down. I don't want to lie down until Clark gets home though. Home? What the Hell? You've got it bad Lex, Clark's stayed with you all of one night and already you're what, married?

Maybe I should lie down, before I fall down. What if Clark isn't coming home? My heart pounds in my chest. The anxiety thumps through me. I need to calm down. Maybe I will have one drink. I know you're not supposed to mix this pain medication with alcohol, but surely one drink won't do too much harm. I already feel like shit anyway, a drink to soothe my nerves and numb some of the pain. With the way I'm feeling right now, if I don't do something to ease some of this pain and anxiety, I'm liable to take something a lot worse for me than a double bourbon. I have a small emergency stash of real shit…real potent and real illegal.

The door hisses as it unlocks. I step into the small vault room and limp over to the glass display case of jewelry. Some of these pieces were my mother's they don't hold any real monetary value, just sentimental. I take a moment to sweep loving fingers over one of my favourite pieces; a solid silver bracelet set with delicate little sapphires. This was one of my mother's absolute favourites, and because of this, she wore it often. The dark blue sapphires remind me of my mother's eyes.

Why did you leave me all alone with that monster, mother? How could you? You saved Julian, and in the end you even saved yourself. Why didn't you save me too? Wasn't I worthy enough for your merciful death? You left me all alone with a man you knew would hurt me, you knew would destroy me. You could have just as easily saved me like you did Julian. I wouldn't have fought it, I would have closed my eyes and gladly submitted to death.

I wipe the tears from my eyes and dial in the code to unlock a small compartment just underneath the glass case of jewelry. With a small hiss the compartment opens and I reach in and remove a battered tin box. I tap in the code a second time to close the compartment and exit the vault with the box under my arm.

Sitting at my desk in the study, I throw back another shot of bourbon, set the glass down and open the box. Inside is an impressive assortment of pills and powders of every colour of the rainbow. I sift through the paraphernalia, including a couple of hypodermic needles, individually wrapped and sterile, a heavy silver snifter with the same type of dark blue sapphires reminiscent of my mother's bracelet. There's even a brand new box of razor blades used for both cutting assorted medicinals contained within this box, and occasionally used for cutting my own tender flesh.

Back when I was young, before I discovered the wonderful brain haze and soul numbing miracles of drugs, I used razors to ease my pain. After Lionel's late night 'visits' to my bedroom, I'd take my blade out of hiding and take it into the shower with me. As the scorching spray of the shower beat down on my back, the cold steel would kiss the delicate flesh of my inner thighs, under my arms, the bottoms of my feet. The blood rose up and it was my shame, my filth that oozed out and down the drain and I felt relief. The act itself wasn't what was important, but the bleeding was a powerful cure to my shame, to my feelings of helplessness. I felt dirty, filthy, disgusting inside and out. And I also felt helpless. Well there with that razor clutched tightly in steady fingers, I knew that I had the control. I also knew that I wasn't entirely helpless because I held the power right there in my hand to take control and put an end to my miserable existence at any time. Not that I necessarily wanted to end my own life, but just knowing that I had that option often times was enough to get me through for another couple of months, weeks or days.

I used to have some beautiful scars, all in places where only I could see them. I miss those scars sometimes. My hair wasn't the only thing that disappeared during the meteor shower.

I pour myself another bourbon and it no longer burns as it goes down. I remove a razor from the box and turn it over in my palm. Would I still get that same relief from cutting that I once did? Maybe just a couple of little slices to ease some of this tension. I watch as the light shines and dances on the blade…

I turn the blade over in my fingers, mesmerized. It would be so easy to run the blade over the pale flesh of my arm. The pain would be worth it to see and feel the blood come. A relief. Certainly a few little cuts wouldn't be so bad? It's better than the alternatives, pills, drugs…complete insanity. Insanity. That's what I'm most afraid of. I keep telling myself that the voice I heard yesterday was real. It must have been right? After all I did end up in Metropolis in time to stop Clark. No matter how insane someone might be, insanity doesn't give you some special ability to transport yourself. To be in one place one second then almost one hundred miles away the next. But then again, a crazy persons conception of time can be all kinds of fucked up. But then again, where Clark is concerned, nothing really would surprise me. Maybe the disembodied voice I heard really was Clark's real father. Clark's never mentioned anything about his birth parents. That's just one more of his mysteries. So if it was his real father, then what, it was his spirit that visited me? A ghost? I just don't fucking know.

It's all just too much to swallow. Any one would be completely over the edge right by now. Every time I'm alone I'm assaulted with vivid flashbacks. The sound of my father's voice, quiet and seductive, urging me to…

With trembling fingers I press the blade tentatively into the smooth flesh of my arm and slowly I drag it from left to right, leaving a an angry red line in it's wake. The pain is sharp, burning…but not unpleasant. I let out my breath and stare at the cut, waiting for the blood to drip…waiting…for my shame to be purged.


	12. Chapter 12

An Ounce Of Restraint

By: karacullen23

Rated: NC-17

WARNING: CONTENT MAY BE DISTURBING TO SOME READERS, PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters, nor do I get paid for the crap that I write.

Chapter 12

(Lex's POV)

I watch him as he stumbles in the darkness. His shadowed frame is tall and solid. The moonlight glints silver-blue in his messy, dark hair.

"Lex?" Panic electrifies his voice and I smile in the shadows where I lay…where I hide. I want to hear that panic. I want to watch him stumble around the room frantic to find me. Yes, let him search me out. He trips and stubs his foot and curses under his breath. I cannot control the chuckle that bubbles out of me.

He straightens and stops to listen. I try to move my arm to clamp my hand over my mouth to stifle my laughter but I find I am unable to. Both of my arms feel so heavy… and my eyes are hurting, burning from the strain of trying to focus on his blurred figure in such darkness and I close my eyes…

There's a gust of air and Clark is beside me. Even in the darkness I can see that his eyes are wide and panicked and he's touching my neck, my chest, my wrists…and "Jesus Clark, that hurts!"

"What did you do?" He cries. "Oh my God, Lex what did you do?" His hands hurt me. His grip on me is suffocating and he's shaking me. You're hurting me Clark. Stop hurting me. My arms burn beneath his grip and it takes my breath away and I choke. Little speckles of light dance in the corner of my eyes and then blackness engulfs me.

Light explodes from above me and when I open my eyes it hurts. And Clark is gone. And I'm cold…so cold.

"Open your eyes, Lex. Please Lex…Lex, look at me!" His beautiful face is twisted with shadows and pain. What's wrong? Why is my angel hurting? And then a strange darkness swallows me down into a quiet warm embrace and I smile as I feel my heart thump, thump, thump…and then stop.

I'm ripped away from a peaceful, quiet sort of numb place by Clark's big hands pounding into my chest and pain…so much pain that I can't even breathe. "Lex! Oh God no please…breath Lex…breath dammit!" I gasp and choke trying to suck in some air but no relief comes. Clark's soft, cool lips come down on mine and his breath is hot and forceful as it rushes in to fill my lungs. But the relief is fleeting and I'm choking again.

(Clark's POV)

Lex's veins are purple-blue branches beneath translucent, pale flesh. I'm not sure how long it's been since he's opened his eyes, but at least his heart is beating again even if it is beating slow and heavy. And he's breathing on his own now but his shivering breaths are shallow and wheezing.

His jacket is crumpled in a dark heap on the floor by his desk. My hands shake as I search the ridiculous amount of pockets for his cell phone. Seriously, how many fucking pockets does a jacket need? Where the hell is the phone? Finally I find his cell and try not to notice the large dark stain in the carpet at my feet. So much blood! Why Lex? How could you do this to yourself?

I fumble with the damn tiny phone, trying to turn it on but it isn't working. Why isn't this working? "Come on, come on you stupid phone…work!" The phone chimes and lights up and I rush to punch in the right sequence of numbers. It rings and rings and I'm holding my breath praying that there's an answer. At last there's a click and a sleep laden voice croaks, "Hello?"

"Mom, please come quick Lex is hurt!"

"What's happened?"

"There's no time, please hurry."

"I'll be right there."

The line disconnects and I quickly search through the contacts list for Toby's number. Please let it be in here, please. Lex would never forgive me if I had to call an ambulance. I find the number and hit send and he picks up after only two rings. "Yes?"

"Is this Toby?"

"That depends."

"It's Clark…"

"Clark, what's wrong?"

"It's Lex…he…he…" I can't seem to get the words out but fortunately Toby understands.

"I'm on my way."

"Clark, honey we really should take him to the hospital. He's lost a lot of blood and he needs stitches." I watch as my mother gently wraps Lex's mutilated arms in layers and layers of sterile, bright white gauze. His blood seeps and drenches each layer of gauze instantly…and she's quickly running out of bandage. "I can't get this arm to stop bleeding!"

"Help's on the way. I already called someone." She's sitting on the bed beside him with both hands clasped firmly over his wounds trying to stave off the bleeding by applying pressure. Her hands are stained with Lex's bright red blood and they're trembling.

I sit beside her and Lex on the bed and place my own trembling hands over hers. She looks at me with wide and worried eyes. "Whoever you called had better be here soon…" Her voice trails off and I know what she's thinking. She's thinking that if help doesn't get here soon then Lex isn't going to make it. I refuse to even think about it.

"He'll be here soon, don't worry. It took less than ten minutes for him to get here the last time and last time it wasn't…" I gulp the lump in my throat, "it wasn't this bad." I manage. My heart breaks to look at him so still and frail atop the bed sheets. There's no way she hasn't noticed his busted up black and blue face or the thick band of white gauze wrapped around his throat. But she doesn't say anything or ask me any questions and I'm grateful for it. I know that I will probably have a lot to explain to her eventually and I'm not exactly sure how. What do I tell her? How can I lie to her after this? But wouldn't telling her the truth be a betrayal to Lex? I don't know. I just don't know. But I don't have to think about that right now.

We sit in silence and I focus my attention back to the sound of Lex's slow but steady heartbeat. My mother's worried voice breaks the silence. "Why would he do this to himself?" Her voice is quiet and concerned but she's not looking at me, she's looking at Lex and so I remain silent and repeat the words 'please hurry' over and over again in my head.

I pace impatiently back and forth in the study. My mom is leaning in a slump against Lex's desk. Toby's been upstairs with Lex for what seems like an eternity. Lex was still unconscious when Toby arrived and we were quickly rushed out of the room so Toby could get to work with us out of the way. I didn't want to leave Lex's side but I didn't want to waste time arguing with Toby while Lex lay still bleeding and pale in the bed.

"Clark, you're going to wear a trench into that floor. Why don't you sit down?"

"I can't sit still right now." That seems to be an acceptable answer because she doesn't say anything. My eyes keep finding themselves staring at the bloodstains in the carpet behind Lex's desk and I feel sick. Why Lex? Why would you do this to yourself…to me?

My mind keeps replaying the look in his eyes when I found him. He had the same dull and distant look in his eyes tonight that he had back when Lionel had been poisoning his brandy with something to make him go crazy. The look in his eyes tonight was the look of crazy Lex, and it scared me. I can't lose him again. I can't lose him just as I've finally found him. After everything that he's been through has he finally lost the ability to continue? And if so, why now? After everything else, why now? What will I do if I lose him? I won't lose him, Lex won't go anywhere. Lex is a survivor, he's strong. He always has been and he always will be. Lex has managed to survive everything that that sick son of a bitch of a father of his has done to him this long with his sanity intact… hasn't he? A chill tickles down my spine and I shiver.

"How is he?" My mom straightens up and walks towards Toby who has just entered the room. His t-shirt is dark silver-black jeans are splattered and splotched with Lex's blood.

"He'll be okay." His eyes are glossy and his face is red and flushed. "He lost a hell of a lot of blood, enough blood that I don't understand how he can still be alive." He runs steady fingers through his greasy hair and shakes his head. I avert my gaze to the floor and he continues, "But I don't know, I guess it looks worse than it is because the bleeding has stopped and his vitals are fine, he's stable."

"So he's going to be okay?" I ask with my heart in my throat.

Toby nods his head incredulously. "Yeah, don't ask me how but…yeah."

"Is he awake? Can I see him?"

"No he's still asleep and uh, he'll probably be out for a while."

"What happened? Did he really do that to himself?" My mother asks softly.

Toby shifts his weight from one biker booted foot to the other and he looks from her to me and then back to her. "Well yes and no." We look at him not comprehending and he continues. "You see, he's on some pretty heavy pain medication for his uh…other injuries and well, even though he should have known better, he mixed them with alcohol which caused a severe drug interaction."

"I don't understand what that has to do with why he'd…why he'd do something like that to himself?" I stutter in my confusion.

"Well when you mix certain narcotics with alcohol it can cause a kind of uh…psychotic break in a way. It really fucks your head all up," he looks bashfully at my mother, "excuse the language Mrs. Kent." She nods and he continues, "Anyway, Lex wasn't exactly himself. Who knows what he was thinking or even if he was thinking."

"So that's what made him…" I can't say the words out loud. I can't even think them. "That's why he…did it? Because he took those pills and had a drink?"

"Well I think he probably had more than just one drink judging by the severity of what he did to himself. But yeah, that would be my guess. We won't really know for sure though until he wakes up and we can talk to him. But yeah that's probably why. Mixing alcohol with those drugs can cause major disorientation and severe depression and even… suicidal feelings."

Lex doesn't need any drug interactions to warrant feeling depressed but I don't say anything. I'm sure Toby already knows this, and my mother doesn't need to know this right now. All I can think about is that look in Lex's eyes. What if it wasn't because of the drugs at all? What if that look is still there in his eyes after he wakes up? I take a deep breath and try to stop my mind from racing. And it's as though Toby can read my mind because he says, "I'm sure Lex will be fine after he wakes up, but just in case Clark, keep an eye on him. If he seems to be acting off or strange in any way you call me right away."

Thanks for the reassurance Toby I think with a new surge of panic. But I nod my head and tell him that I will call him if I need to.

"Thank you Mr. Toby." My mother shakes his hand and smiles weakly.

"No problem at all Mrs. Kent. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." She says as he turns to leave.

"Keep an eye, Clark." He calls over his shoulder. And then he's gone.

My mom turns to me, her face pale and tired. "I know you're anxious to get upstairs to watch over Lex, so I'll go too."

"Okay. Thanks Mom…for everything." I lean in and kiss her cheek.

"I'll always be here for you Clark…and Lex too. You be sure to let him know that okay?"

"I will."

"Call me if you need anything. Even if it's just to talk, okay?"

I nod and give her hug and thank her again. "I love you, Mom."

"I love you too."

I walk her to the front door and lock it behind her. I contemplate trying to set the alarm, but it would probably be better if I didn't touch it. I wait until I hear the old trucks sputtering engine roar to life and grow faint with distance, and then I superspeed upstairs to be with Lex.


	13. Chapter 13

An Ounce Of Restraint

By: karacullen23

Rated: NC-17

WARNING: CONTENT MAY BE DISTURBING TO SOME READERS, PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters, nor do I get paid for the crap that I write.

Chapter 13

(Clark's POV)

I wake to the sound of Lex being sick. I rush over to the bathroom door. I'm about to go in, but then I stop myself. I've never been sick, not like this. But if I ever were, I don't think I'd want anyone to see it. To be perfectly honest I find the whole vomit thing a little scary and unsettling. It's one of the few and rare things that make me almost glad that I'm not human. But I love Lex, and as much as it might gross me out, if he needs me then... "Lex, you okay?"

His voice sounds choked and ragged, "Fine. Don't come in."

"Are you sure?" My hand trembles slightly at the doorknob.

"Yes. I'll meet you downstairs in a minute."

"Uh, okay." I don't really want to go in there, but I don't want to go all the way downstairs, so far away if he needs me. But I slip into my jeans and pad barefooted out of the room and head toward the stairs.

I'm sitting at the immaculate island nibbling on buttered toast when Lex comes in. He's fresh out of the shower and the peppery scent of his soap fills the air.

"Sorry about that." he says as he grabs a bottle of water out of the fridge. He's dressed in a dark suit with no tie, looking for all the world like a man ready to rush off to the office. My heart lightens to see him awake, up and about, and alive. He looks so immaculate that it's hard to believe that he was an unconscious, bloody heap on the floor less then ten hours ago.

"How are you feeling?"

He smiles and strides over to where I sit on a tall stool and leans in to give me a long, sensuous kiss. His hands raom pleasantly over my bare back. "Does that answer your question?" He wiggles his eyebrows and smirks. I just sit staring at him, unable to speak. "Have you seen my cell? I could've sworn it was in my jacket."

"Uh, yeah. It's in the office on your desk." My throat feels dry and I watch him.

"Okay, well I'm heading off to the plant so if you want a ride to school you'd better get dressed."

If I were a cartoon character my jaw would be hanging to the floor. "You're going to work?" I have to admit, he does look and seem a little better. But under closer scrutiny I can see that he's still pale and there are dark bruises shadowing beneath blood shot eyes. The skin beneath his stitched brow is a healing shade of yellow mixed with rust. "Are you sure you're up to it?"

"I've been away from the plant too long, Clark. I've got alot to catch up on. I'm fine, as a matter of fact I'm feeling better than I have in days." He grins and takes another swallow of water, finishing the bottle. "So are you riding in with me?"

How can he act like this after last night? He just about killed himself, I almost lost him for godsake! And he's just standing there looking all sexy, arrogant, and...normal. Well I'm not convinced. "I'll ride in with you."

He looks at his watch. "Can you be ready in five?"

"No problem." I mumble and superspeed upstairs to get dressed. Something is definitely off and I intend to keep a very close eye on him. God I hope I've done the right thing.

(Lex's POV)

I blink and Clark vanishes. His abilities are definitely going to take some getting used to. I don't even know what all he's capable of as yet but a shiver runs through me. I never in a million years dreamed that Clark would share his secret with me and it seems all a bit much to take in. It's like a dream that I'm afraid to wake up from. Clark sharing his secrets with me and sharing my bed. This can't be real, can it? I'm getting hard just thinking about it. I take a deep, easy breath and will my body to calm down. I'm anxious to discover all of Clark's secrets but at the moment there are other things on my mind.

With Clark out of sight I roll my left sleeve up to look at my arm. My breath hitches in my throat when I see nothing but pale pink scars where angry red gashes marred the flesh less than two hours ago. What's going on here? I've always been a quick healer, but this is...this is...

The phone interupts my train of thoughts. With trembling fingers I answer the phone and hold it up to my ear, "Good morning Toby."

"Lex, thank god! Good to hear you're still kickin."

"I'm guessing I have you to thank for that."

"Yeah with some help from Clark and his mom."

"Martha was here?" I try to keep from groaning. Pinching the bridge of my nose I mumble into the phone, "Great. I bet she's impressed."

Toby is silent a moment, "I don't think anyone had time to be impressed Lex. You scared the shit out of all of us last night. What the hell were you thinking?"

I search through hazy, black flickers of memory trying to remember but I can't seem to piece it all together. "I...I don't really know Toby, the last thing I remember I was sitting in the office and...and then, nothing."

"Are you serious?"

"No I'm just trying to fuck with you for no reason." I don't mean to sound so harsh but I'm scared and I want to know what the hell happened.

"Christ! Lex, you only tried to fucking kill yourself and I must admit you did a damn good job of it too. I honestly don't know how the hell you survived. You OD'd on pills and alcohol and then proceeded to slash your veins open with a fucking samuri sword! Most people want to off themselves they grab a paring knife from the kitchen but no not Lex Luthor, you had to get inventive."

Jesus Christ I can't breath. My head swims and my legs shake. What could have possibly possessed me to do that? And if it's really as bad as Toby is teling me, how is that I'm not chilling in the local undertakers fridge right now? I look at the pale scars on my arm and try to remember.

"Are you alright?" Toby's voice filters through the haze and pulls me out.

"Yeah."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. I'm fine Toby, as a matter of fact..." I start to tell him but I can't get the words out.

"As a matter of fact...?"

"I'm...fine. Thank you Toby, again."

"Alright Lex. Glad to hear it. Take care of yourself and I'll be in touch in a few days to get those stitches out."

What stitches? There's a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. "Talk to you then. Thanks." I hang up and head towards the garage to wait for Clark.

I sit in the drivers seat of my Black Phantom Coupe. The sweet smell of new leather and the feel of the 9.0-litre V16 _engine_ purring helps to calm me. I don't know what the hell is going on but despite the apparent near death experience of last night I feel refreshed, awake and alive. When I woke up this morning I felt terrible. I hurt all over, I was sick, trembling and felt like death warmed over. But now I feel better than I can ever remember having felt before in my entire life and that worries me. I can take a deep breath without pain, all of my bruises look weeks old, almost gone, and all of the gashes, scrapes and cuts have already scarred over. I've never healed this quickly before and until I figure out what the hell is happening to me I don't want to worry Clark. For now, I'm going to keep it to myself and hope that he doesn't notice.

Clark opens the passenger side door and gets in. He gives me a strange look and my heart rate picks up for just an instant. He raises an eyebrow, "A Rolls Royce at Smallville High? Seriously?"

I chuckle relieved and gun the engine before tearing out, "Why not?"

(Clark's POV)

The morning passes me by in a blur. My thoughts are on Lex and I'm finding it hard to concentrate on anything else. Something's not right. I can't pin it down. It's just he looks different, hell he even smells different. It's almost like nothing ever even happened last night. I know that he senses it too but he hasn't said anything. I feel like he's hiding something, pretending that nothing ever happened. How am I supposed to be there for him if he won't talk to me?

Of course I'm releived that he seems to be alright, but I'm also scared because it isn't normal for him to look so...good, after all that's happened to him. Physically he seems to be just fine. When I got into the car this morning he looked almost too healthy. The dark cirlcles under his eyes were gone, the cut on his brow was pretty much healed and his bruises were gone. They were just gone, like they'd never even been there in the first place. His eyes were clear and bright and when I x-rayed him there was absolutely no sign of fractured ribs. I didn't say anything, he seemed to be in a good mood and I didn't want to upset him. After all he's been through so much lately that I want him to be happy, even it seems surreal.

I'm spending my lunch period outside on the bleachers alone. The sun is bright and warm but the wind is chilling, or maybe that's just me. It's a beautiful day but I don't really care. At least it's quiet out here. I love my friends but I can't deal with them right now. I don't know how to interact with them lately. I haven't told anybody that I've been kicked out of my house because my father hates me. I haven't told anyone that Lex is back. Though I'm sure after pulling up to the school this morning in a fucking Rolls Royce the entire student population is talking. Lex Luthor is back and was seen dropping one Clark Kent off at Smallville High. I can just imagine the rumors spreading like wild fire, and I just can't deal with that right now.

"There you are." Her pretty smile is meant to be disarming as she sits down next to me.

"Hey Lana."

"Do you mind some company? If I didn't know any better I'd say you've been hiding out."

"I'm just going through some...stuff lately. Sorry if I've been antisocial." I attempt a smile but it feels more like a grimace.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I shrug and stare off into the trees.

She tries to change the subject, "So, was that Lex this morning dropping you off?"

I don't know what to say. If I tell her yes that will lead to so many other questions that I'm not sure I can answer right now. But I can't tell her no either because who else in Smallville would be dropping me off at school in a fucking Rolls Royce. Damnit Lex, way to be inconspicuous. I settle on a small nod of my head.

She accepts this silent affirmation and doesn't push it. And that's one of the things I love about her. Lana knows when not to push. "Well I'm glad he's okay."

"Yeah, me too." I mumble, not entirely sure if he is.

We sit quietly for a few minutes just listening to the wind in the trees. Then she breaks the silence with her softly spoken question, "Are you staying with him?"

I look over at her. Her expression is perfectly neutral. "What makes you ask that?" I choke out.

She shrugs and offers a small smile. "I stopped by your house a couple days ago..." She looks away from me, a strange almost pained look crosses her face. "Your dad told me that you uh, moved out quite a while ago." She looks at me almost apologetically.

"More like kicked out." I mutter before I can stop myself.

"Yeah, I kinda got that impression. I'm sorry Clark."

"It's okay." I stare down at my sneakers. The rubber sole is starting to peel away from the fabric on my left shoe.

"What happened?" I chance a look up at her and chuckle nervously and feel the burn of tears behind my eyes. And suddenly there's nothing more that I want right now than to be able to talk about it, get it out to someone I know I can trust. Someone I know won't judge me. She must notice that I'm close to tears because she scoots closer to me and takes my hand in hers. "It's okay Clark, if you don't want to talk about it."

I shake my head and take a shuddering breath. "No, I do. I need to. It's just, uh...well it's not easy."

Her face is all concern and compassion. "You know you can tell me anything. Just take your time and try to relax."

I sniff and wipe at my watery eyes. "I couldn't take it anymore, Lana. I was sick of pretending and I had to come clean and just tell them the truth."

"What about?"

I still can't quite wrap my head or my tongue around words like homosexual or gay so instead I just say, "I came out of the closet."

She looks confused for a moment and then her eyes widen. "Oh."

"My dad didn't exactly take it very well." My entire face feels like it's on fire.

"I'm so sorry, Clark. I'm sure he just needs some time to adjust. I mean he loves you and I've never noticed any tendencies for bigotry from him before. I'm sure he'll come around."

"Yeah, maybe." And pigs can fly.

It must be time to get back inside by now but neither one of us move. We sit silent for a while. A thick gray cloud floats in front of the sun and the temperature seems to drop before the wind carries the cloud away and the sun beams brightly down on us again. Lana turns to look at me. "It's Lex, isn't it?"

I feel myself blanche and I can't look her in the eyes. The lack of denial in silence answers the question for me. "Be careful, Clark. Lex is...Lex is from a different world." She sounds genuinely worried but I can't help the sudden anger that rises up in me. She has no idea who Lex really is, what he's like, how amazing, tender and passionate he is. Nobody knows, nobody has ever bothered to look past his mask and see him for who he really is.

"He's not the monster everyone makes him out to be, Lana. If people would stop judging him because of who his father is and what he's done they would see that Lex is nothing like his father. Everything that man is, Lex is the opposite." I stand to leave but she reaches out to stop me.

"Clark, please. That's not what I meant. I'm sorry. I just don't want to see you get hurt."

I turn back to face her. "Lex would _never _hurt me."

"I know he'd never do anything intentionally to hurt you. But it wasn't Lex exactly that I was referring to or that I'm worried about."

Darkness burns at the edges of my mind. "I can handle Lionel."

Her face contorted with worry she whispers, "I hope you're right. For your sake, and Lex's."

(Lex's POV)

"Yes detective, I understand your position but understand mine. If you wish to progress this questioning any further I'm going to have to insist upon my lawyer being present."

I pace the floor of my small office and wish I could reach through the phone and rip this mans throat out with it's phlemy rattle. "Alright Mr. Luthor, please have your lawyer call me to set it up."

"As you wish Detective. You'll hear from her no later than the end of the business day." I hang up and resist the urge to hurl the phone at the wall. I have my alibi thanks to Toby, but this damned Detective is still sniffing around. It makes me very uneasy, I just want to get him off of my tail and out of my life. All it would take is a couple of phone calls and a few grand and I could get him off my back. But with Clark in the picture, I really can't risk it. I didn't put my father in that hospital bed, but Clark did.

As it is, I should probably put some distance between Clark and myself. That would be the smart thing to do. Get Clark as far away from me and any connection to the situation as possible. He'd never agree to it no matter how reasonable or logical the argument. I'd have to resort to drastic measures to push him away and make him stay away. I'd have to really hurt him. I don't ever want to hurt him but it might be the only way to keep him safe. Still I just don't think I could do it.

I run an unsteady hand over my scalp and flip my phone open to dial my lawyer. The intercom buzzes and my assistants monotone voice informs me that there's a Mr. Kent here to see me. I glance at the wall clock and see that it's only half past one. What's Clark doing here? Has something happened? Christ this day just keeps getting better and better. I hit the button on the intercom and tell him to send him in.

"He doesn't have an appointement sir."

My patience is definately wearing very thin. "I _said_ send him in Mr. Gibbons. I do not like having to repeat myself."

"Yes, sir."

The buzzer buzzes and the door hisses as it swings open but it's not Clark that steps into the room. "Mr. Kent." I can't control my surprise to see Jonathon Kent here in my office looking for all the world like he just rolled out of a sack of shit. His clothes look like they've been slept in, his lined face looks dark and worried. And it looks like he hasn't bothered to shave in at least a week.

"Hello, Lex."

The anger hits me so strongly that I have to force myself to keep from sending my fist flying at his face. How dare he show up here after the way he treated Clark. He doesn't seem to be aware of the daggers flying at him from my eyes. If he does, he ignores it. He shuts the door behind him and has the audacity to motion for me to sit down. "Please," he says, his voice calm and steady, "We really need to talk."

Childishly I refuse to sit down. "I'm surprised you have the balls to face me after what you've done. I have _nothing_ to say to you." My voice is acid in my mouth as I march to the door and open it motioning for him to get out. "Goodbye, Mr. Kent."

A look of pain crosses his face. "Lex, please I don't know who else to turn to. Clark may be in danger!"


	14. Chapter 14

An Ounce Of Restraint

By: karacullen23

Rated: NC-17

WARNING: CONTENT MAY BE DISTURBING TO SOME READERS, PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters, nor do I get paid for the crap that I write.

Chapter 14

(Lex's POV)

I take a deep breath when Clark finally emerges from the school amidst a plethora of other teenagers rushing hear and there with friends laughing and chattering. Clark has always tried so hard to just blend into the background. Jonathon and Martha Kent have conditioned him to not avoid standing out from the crowd. But he can slouch and avoid eye contact all he wants but he still stands out. His breathtaking body and build are far too tall and muscular, his wavy dark locks to sumptuous, his intelligent green eyes to wise at times to befit that of the average seventeen year old farm boy. Even in faded blue jeans and bright red and blue flannel you'd have to be completely blind not to notice Clark Kent. But then again, I may be biased.

I beep the horn to get his attention. His face lights up and his pace quickens when he sees me and my heart swells. People aren't generally so obviously happy to see me, I play the bad guy way to often. Storming into to board meetings to take control and ordering employees with an air of indifference keeps a person at a distance. I've always either been above everyone else or looked down upon, ridiculed or berated. I've never been on the same footing before with anyone else and it's not only a relatively new concept to me, but it also quickly becoming addictive. If I become to dependent on somebody looking at me the way that Clark is looking at me right now, genuinely pleased to see me, with such obvious affection and just a hint of smoldering desire around the edges, I might not survive if I were to ever find myself without it. If I get too accustomed to having someone in my life that accepts me and...love me, then it's only going to hurt so much more when Clark finally realizes that I'm not worthy of what he's offering. It won't break me...it will kill me.

I shake these dark thoughts out of my head and try to focus on right now, this very minute. Clark smiling brightly because he's happy to see me and heading towards me so that we can head home, together. He's almost to the car when Chloe comes running up from behind him, waving her arms and calling to him to wait up a second. There's a flickering of worry on his face and he looks at me unsure how to proceed. He's almost to the car and Chloe is quickly catching up to him. His eyes seem to ask the question, "Are you okay with this?" I nod and smile to assure him that it's alright. It's bound to come out eventually that Lex Luthor is back in Smallville and that Clark Kent is staying with him at the Luthor Mansion. Clark hasn't said anything to me about it, but I'm sure getting _some_ things out in the open with his friends will make him feel a little easier. Of course letting the world know that Clark's staying at the mansion with me, might not be the best idea but people may as well start getting used to the idea because if I have my say in it, Clark Kent and Lex Luthor are going to be together for a very long time.

Chloe is out of breath when she reaches Clark, not only from her quick little run, but by the look on her face, she's excited about something. She's so focused on Clark that she fails to notice anything else. "Oh my God, Clark this is so huge...I just heard. Lionel Luthor's in the hospital in a coma! Apparently he got beat up pretty bad but no body seems to know how or what happened? He was found in his office a couple of days ago by someone that works for him and the place was torn up and there was some evidence of a fire. And get this, the fire department has no idea how the fire got started or who or what put it out. They said the scorch marks left on the walls didn't fit any pattern they'd ever seen before. I'm totally thinking wall of weird and could use your help on this. Remember all those weird fires our freshman year? Well I'm thinking that this is related..."

Clark looks so obviously uncomfortable and distressed that before I really have a chance to consider it, I'm opening the car door and rushing to his rescue. Chloe's eyes widen as I step up behind Clark. Clark turns around and smiles, relief written all over his face. I nod in acknowledgement to Chloe, "Ms. Sullivan."

"Lex? Hi." She blinks rapidly then smiles a bit forcefully. I know she's debating on whether or not the story is more important than social graces. I can tell she's dying to ask me about a million different questions about where I've been, what happened, and how long have I been back, but in an attempt to cut her off at the pass I turn towards Clark.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but the Dean of Admissions at Met U. is expecting you by four thirty so we really need to get going."

Clark looks confused for a moment before catching on, "Oh...right, yeah. Chloe I'm sorry but I've got to go. But uh...I'll call you later, okay?"

She looks at Clark, then at me, then back at Clark. Tilting her head to the side she squints her eyes and says, "You didn't tell me you applied to Met U?"

"Didn't I?" He's such a bad liar, I honestly don't understand how he gets away with anything. Although, if I really think about it, I don't think it's so much that everyone believes him so much as they just choose to allow him to get away with it.

She puts her hands on her hips and raises an eyebrow. "No, I think I would remember something that important, Clark."

Clark chuckles nervously, "Oh." I have to bite back the laughter in the back of my throat. How the hell the entire world hasn't caught on to him yet with such mind blowing deceptive abilities is beyond me.

She just rolls her eyes and pushes him towards the car. "Well you'd better get going!" She smiles. "Don't screw it up before you even get there. I'm all excited now that I know we might be going to the same school next fall!"

He staggers back almost tripping over his own two feet and I place both my hands on his broad back to steady him. The feel of hot skin and solid muscle beneath his shirt sends a shiver of arousal through me and as soon as he's steady on his own two feet I quickly remove my hands and shove them deep into my pants pockets. "Well you heard her Clark, let's hit the road." Chloe beams at me and I smile back with a wink before turning towards the car.

As Clark's getting into the passenger seat Chloe calls out to tell him good luck and waves as we pull away from the curb and head off. It's not until we're out on the main road heading towards the mansion that Clark finally speaks. "Thanks, I never would have gotten out of there."

I smile over at him. "Well when Chloe's got her mind set on something, it's no easy task getting away."

"You're telling me? She very rarely accepts any excuse when she's hot on the trail of a story, especially one as big as the great and powerful Lionel Luthor lying comatose in the hospital under mysterious potential wall of weird material circumstances." He's quiet suddenly and I glance over to see a frown on his face.

I know he's worrying about Lionel and I don't know what to say. If it were up to me he would probably be dead by now. But Clark's relationship with his own father is important to me. I don't want Clark to be hurting unnecessarily. True what Jonathon did was damn near unforgivable, but knowing what I know now, it's understandable under the circumstances. The important thing is that he loves his son and I am not going to stand in the way of that, and if I were to murder Lionel now, there would be no hiding it from either Clark or Jonathon. It would be so easy to just keep what I know to myself because that would leave me free to take care of it without risking Clark finding out. But that would mean I'd be leaving Clark in the dark about his own father and I for one know what it's like to go through life feeling as though your own father despises you. I won't do that to Clark. "Your dad came to see me at the plant this afternoon." There I said it, it's out and I wait chewing my bottom lip for Clark's response.

"What?" His eyes are wide and his voice incredulous. "Why? What did he want?" His tone changes and he practically bellows, "He didn't hurt you did he?"

I place what I hope is a reassuring hand on his thigh, "No, Clark everything's fine. As a matter of fact I've invited both of your parents over to the castle for supper tonight."

He shakes his head not comprehending. "Lex, what the hell? Why would you do that? I don't want to see him. I don't have anything to say to him!"

"He's got something he needs to say to you, Clark."

I feel his eyes on me trying to read me. "What did he say to you?"

Pulling into the driveway I cut the engine and put the car in park. "You'll know everything tonight when they get here."

"Why are you being so secretive about this? Why can't you just tell me?"

"Because you really need to hear it from him, Clark." I step out of the car leaving Clark still sitting in the passenger seat mulling things over. I'm entering the security code to unlock the door when I hear the car door slam and the crunching of Clark's sneakered feet on gravel as he approaches. Neither one of us says anything as we step into the dark foyer. Clark shuts the door behind us and I head into the office.

As I step into the room I can't keep my eyes from straying to the floor by the desk. First think this morning I called in to have the place cleaned up but the exceptionally clean carpet void of any sign of blood seems to mock me. Clean it up and pretend nothing ever happened. But it's still too fresh in my mind and I can't seem to get my feet to move because in order to get to my desk I would have to step on that spot, there's no way to avoid it. My eyes move up to the wall behind the desk. The sword is back on it's mount, clean and gleaming sharp. What the hell was I doing last night? What the hell was I thinking to do something like that? All I can remember is worrying about Clark not being home yet and thinking about buying him his own cell phone so I wouldn't have to worry about his whereabouts in future. What could have possibly possessed me to take that vicious looking sword down off of the wall and...

"Are you okay?" I turn to see Clark standing in the doorway, a dark and worried look on his face.

I force a smile and head over to pour myself a drink. "Yeah. Fine."

He doesn't move from the doorway, it's as though he's afraid to step foot into the room. I throw a quick shot of bourbon back and it burns smoothly as it goes down. I go to pour myself one more. "I wish you wouldn't." Clark says quietly from the doorway.

I look over at him and the look on his face is enough to convince me to put the stopper back onto the glass decanter and I don't question him about it. I don't understand his motives but if it bothers him that much then that's enough reason for me. I leave the glass empty on the bar and walk over to where Clark still hovers in the doorway. I place a hand on his shoulder, "Come on, let's see if there's anything to eat." I shut the door behind us and we head into the kitchen.

"Jesus Clark, where do you put it all?" I ask in awe as he devours the last bite of his fourth sandwich, following it with a long swig from his second can of cola.

His face reddens and he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand as he looks up at me from beneath long, dark lashes. Jesus that look does things to me every time. I shift in my seat. "I don't know, I'm just hungry I guess. I think having all the abilities that I do probably eats up alot of energy."

"Hmm, I wonder if all Kryptonians had appetites like yours, or if it's just a teenager thing? Growing boys and all that."

He drops the can of soda he's holding and cola splashes me in the face and spills all over the island countertop and splashes to the floor. "Shit." He hisses and tries to clean it up with his shirt sleeve but only ends up smearing it all over the place. "How do you know about that? I mean I was going to tell you everything, I promise, Lex I was. Just we haven't really had a chance to talk about it yet." For a split second he looks like he's about to cry and I quickly jump off of the stool and wrap my arms around him.

"It's okay Clark. I know you would. I'm not upset." He melts into my embrace for one sweet second before remembering that his shirt sleeve is soaked with cola.

"Oh, crap. Sorry." With his dry shirt sleeve he steps behind me and proceeds to smear the soda deeper into the back of my shirt.

"It's just a shirt, Clark. I have dozens more you know."

"Right." He stops trying to wipe the soda from my shirt but stays behind me. "So, how did you know? You know that I'm not...that I'm..."

"Not human? An alien?"

"Yeah." He gulps. I turn around to look at him and I can see anxiety written all over his face.

"Your dad told me everything today."

He quirks an unbelieving eyebrow, "My dad did?"

"It was necessary in order for me to be able to understand everything that he told me today." He opens his mouth to ask more about it but I hold my hand up to stop him. "Everything will become clear to you tonight when your parents come over. It really isn't my place to tell you, Clark or I would. But I sincerely think that you need to hear it from your father."

He nods and looks away. When he speaks his voice is quiet and trembling. "So uh, how freaked are you now that you know that I'm...," he gulps and looks up at me from beneath eyes fearful of rejection, "...I'm not human?"

It breaks my heart to see the fear in his eyes, to see it written all over his face that he's terrified I'm going to reject him. I lift his chin and look him solidly in the eyes and my voice is firm. "Clark I always thought that you were more god then man and I was right. I wasn't too surprised when your dad told me the truth about your origins and it doesn't make any difference to me. Clark, I love you, I have loved you from the moment I set eyes on you and now that I have you, there is absolutely nothing that could ever change the way that I feel."

His face flushes as he meets my eyes and his breath hitches. I keep my gaze steady and will all my love and acceptance for him into that one look. "I'm not going anywhere." I say and run a gentle finger down his pink cheek. He blinks, licks his lips and then his mouth is on mine. His lips are pressed hard against mine and his tongue is hot and eager in my mouth. His arms pull me hard against him. I wrap my arms tight around his waist and give in to him completely. My hands slip under the back of his shirt, his skin is hot and smooth beneath my fingers. His hands slide down to cup my ass and he pulls me even tighter against him. I moan into his mouth at the feel of his cock pressed bruisingly against my hip and my own cock twitches and starts to swell hot and solid between us. With a will of their own my hips thrust forward, hungry for contact. He groans and rubs against me. And then panting, he pulls away leaving my cock hard and aching. His chest heaving, he smiles at me, eyes blazing and then he drops to his knees.

Steady hands reach up to pull at my zipper. I reach down and take hold of his hands. "Are you sure about this Clark? I don't want you to anything that you're not ready for." My voice is a hoarse with desire and I cannot believe that I even have the ability to form words right now with Clark on his knees with every intention of sucking my cock with those plump, rosy lips. But as much as I've dreamed about this, hell I'd fucking kill for this, but still this is a big step and I don't want him to do anything he's not ready for out of some desperate desire to ensure my acceptance of him.

Some unnamable emotion flares in his eyes and one side of that gorgeous mouth curls up into a smirk. "Just shut up and stop over thinking things Lex." He bats my hand away and in a motion to quick for my eyes to follow he yanks my pants and underwear down around my ankles. I stand before him completely exposed and vulnerable. But the feeling is not unpleasant especially when his warm hand closes tightly around my aching cock and squeezes. A hiss escapes me at his rough touch and I thrust into his tight grasp only to have him release his grasp on me. I look down confused at the loss of his touch. His eyes are black pools of pure, animalistic lust and I recognize the power driving him. "What do you want Lex?" His voice is a guttural crooning that demands nothing more than obedience.

"Touch me...please Clark, I need you to touch me."

His hand wraps tightly around my cock and pumps once, twice so slowly it's maddening. "Like this?" He coos. "Is this what you want?"

His pace is excruciatingly slow and leaves me panting for more. "Yes, Clark please, more." I thrust into his fist and he lets me once and then removes his hand. His pink tongue comes out to flick teasingly against the weeping head of my cock and my knees tremble at that slight touch.

"Would you like me to suck your cock Lex?" His mouth hovers over my cock not quite making contact, but his hot breath sends shivers running up my spine.

"Yes," I moan out desperate to feel that hot mouth.

"Do you really want it?"

"Christ, Clark, yes, yes!"

"I'm not sure I'm convinced Lex." He places a delicate kiss to the tip of my cock and I find myself wanting to scream with frustration.

"Please, oh god please Clark!" I beg through gritted teeth.

"Please what?" A flick of his tongue and then a wicked smile as he looks up at me demanding an answer.

"Please suck my cock. Oh Clark, please suck my cock!" And that's all he needed to hear. He takes me all at once into his hot, wet mouth and swallows me down into his tight throat. I can't stop the cry of surprise that escapes me. How the hell did he know to do that? But all questions as to skill of Clark's wonderful mouth flies out of my head when he starts to swallow and bob his head ever so slightly. Tight throat muscles contract around me and the sensations that he's eliciting have me panting and moaning in oblivion. I close my eyes and throw my head back. My hands reach down and clutch desperately into his thick, dark hair. I'm thrusting into his tight, hot mouth crying out his name, begging him for more, faster, harder and he's taking it, every bit he amazingly manages to keep pace. Sucking, licking, swallowing, he takes it all and with every bob of his head, every twirl of that amazingly talented tongue I feel myself getting closer and closer. There's a tightening in my balls and a strange burning in my eyes. I cry out in warning that I'm right on the edge and about to explode down his tight throat and his ministrations become faster, harder and my knees tremble, my entire body shudders violently. I throw my head back in a silent scream as I spill down his throat. The burning in my eyes is so intense that I open my eyes and the wall across the room bursts into flames.


	15. Chapter 15

An Ounce Of Restraint

By: karacullen23

Rated: NC-17

WARNING: CONTENT MAY BE DISTURBING TO SOME READERS, PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters, nor do I get paid for the crap that I write.

Chapter 15

(Lex's POV)

"Lex?" Clark's soot covered face is in front of me. His eyes are wide and worried and I realize that his hands are on my shoulders, shaking me. "Lex?"

I blink. "Clark?"

He shakes his head and wipes at his sweaty forehead, smearing the dark soot across his pink cheek. "I put the fire out, it's okay."

"What..." My mind is having a difficult time piecing together what just happened. I shuffle over to plop down on the wooden stool. "Was that me? The fire? My eyes...Clark, they were burning. It didn't hurt they were just...so hot."

"Yeah. I know." He rubs at his face again and the soot reaches his nose. If I weren't feeling so shocked I would probably laugh. He lets out a soft sigh and nibbles nervously on his bottom lip. "Lex, I think we need to talk." The sound of footsteps and voices can be heard in the other room, the kitchen staff arriving to start preparing dinner for the evening. Clark glances behind him towards the sounds and frowns. He marches over towards me and grabs my hand and pulls me along behind him out of the kitchen and heads towards the stairs.

I lean against a dresser and Clark closes the bedroom door. The initial shock is starting to wear off and I'm feeling confused, afraid and..."Clark, what the hell was that?"

His face flushed and his eyes wide he comes to stand closer to me. He takes a deep breath and lets it out with a whoosh. He runs a nervous hand through his messy hair and looks at me. "Alright. This is probably not going to make any sense to you and I'm only guessing for the most part because even I'm not really sure how it all works or if what I'm about to tell you about has anything to do with what's happening or not..."

I hold up my hand. "Clark, slow down and just tell me what the hell is going on."

He nods and shoves his hands into his pockets. "I think that you're starting to develop some of my abilities. I'm not sure how many of them you might be getting but based off of what I've noticed I'd guess healing and heat vision for starters." I try to swallow but my mouth is suddenly dry. My body is suddenly trembling and I move over to the bed to sit down.

I shake my head disbelieving. "Clark I will admit that there is some validity to what you're proposing, I find it hard to believe that what's happening is that somehow out of the blue you're abilities are suddenly contagious. Yes, I admit that something's happening to me but let's not jump to conclusions here." A thought occurs to me and I look up at Clark. "Unless, this has happened before?"

He quickly shakes his head. "No this has never happened before. Well once when I was struck by lightning my powers were temporarily transferred to someone else but that's not what this is. That's not what's happening now."

I chuckle dryly because this is just way too much information to take in right now. The idea that Clark's powers can be transferred via electricity is sending my mind into a tailspin. There are other things to be thinking about right now. "Well I know for a fact that I wasn't hit by lightning Clark so can you explain to me why you think that what's happening to me has anything to do with you or your abilities?"

He's pacing nervously through the room and my head is aching. I wish he would just stand still and face me directly. "There's something about the other night that I didn't tell you, Lex."

His voice is quiet and trembling and I know that whatever it is he's talking about is something that's frightening him. "Whatever it is Clark, I'm sure I can handle it."

He stops pacing and turns to look at me. His face is pale and there are tears in his eyes. I jump up from the bed and go to wrap my arms around him. "What are you so afraid of? I'm right here with you. Whatever it is we can figure it out together."

He doesn't lift his arms to share in the embrace, they're just dead fish hanging from hooking line. "Can we? I don't know. You might not be able to so much as look at me after I tell you what I did."

A chill passes through me but I shake it off and look hard into Clark's eyes. "Whatever it is Clark, it won't change the way that I feel about you. Nothing could ever make me stop loving you."

He sighs as though to say, 'we'll see.' He pulls away and goes to look out the window and when he speaks, his voice is a darkened with emotion. "You were dead, Lex."

"What?"

"When I got here I found you lying on the floor in a pool of blood." He chokes. "God, Lex there was so much blood!" He's lost in the horrifying memories of that night and an intense wave of guilt hits me. I want to go over to him to comfort him, to hold him, but I can't seem to make my legs move. So I stand where I am and listen to what he has to say. "When I got over to you I knew I was too late. You were barely breathing, your heart was slow and weak. You opened your eyes once to look at me but then they rolled back into your head and you were gone! Nothing, no breath, no heartbeat. I tried C.P.R. but it wasn't helping, there was nothing! You just laid there pale and completely unresponsive. In that moment when I heard your heart stop I thought I had died too. Then I noticed your tin box on the ground next to you."

Oh god! I don't remember. Was it more than just alcohol that had my head so fucked up that night? Was I so stupid as to take drugs as well? I have to sit down before I fall down. I stumble over to sit on the side of the bed. I try to focus on Clark's voice. His hands are gripping tightly to the window sill. "You have to understand Lex, that you were gone. You were," he stutters the word, "d..dead." I can see the shiver that runs through him, it runs through me too. "I felt so helpless, so useless. I was in a desperate panic to do something...anything to bring you back to me. That's when I noticed the syringe in the box and it gave me an idea." He turns around to look at me, tears glisten in his widened green eyes. "If you weren't already gone Lex, I never would have done it. I never would have risked it." He's quiet, trembling all over and wringing his hands.

My heart pounding in my throat I whisper raggedly, "What did you do, Clark?"

He grimaces and chuckles, it's a harsh and hollow sound. He turns his back to me to look out the window again. He grips the sides of the window panels and leans his head against the glass. Steam from his hot breath clouds the window. "There have been a couple of times in the past when my blood has been used to heal and even...bring back the dead." His last words are whispered and chills the air around us.

I shiver. "What are you saying?"

"Just what you're thinking right now Lex. I injected you with my blood."

So many thoughts and questions are pummeling through my brain right now. How did he do it? How did he permeate his invulnerable flesh to get at his own blood? Why would he do all of this for me? Was he thinking of the possible repercussions if it worked? What are these repercussions going to be? What's it going to do to me? To him? And why did it work? How? Even when Clark's blood was used for the Lazarus serum before it only gave a deceased human twelve hours of life before the cells in the body started to break down and deteriorate again. Will this happen to me? I glance at my watch. It's already been more than twelve hours. Maybe since the blood used was unconcentrated and fresh from my love's veins the onset of deterioration will take longer if at all? Also with the serum it would only work on those with liver diseases, apparently because the cells found within the human liver were the most resistant of all within the human body. And Clark's blood though the major catalyst in the serum, was not the only ingredient. The key was always Clark's blood, without it the serum never would have worked. Perhaps all along the answer was simply Clark's blood. Pure, undiluted and still fresh...live cells. My head spins and panic follows the epiphany. "Oh my god Clark!"

He turns to look at me in surprise as I rush over to take hold of him by his shoulders. "This is more dangerous than you might realize. If this information falls into the wrong hands, if the general population finds out that your blood can bring the dead back to life..." I shake him and his face pales as realization dawns on him. "The whole world Clark, will be out for your blood, literally."

He trembles and searches my face, "You'll leave this alone, Lex? I know you'd never let anybody find out about this...deliberately. But can you just accept it and not question it? I know how you are, I know that your brain is probably going into overdrive right now wanting to figure it all out. But can you let it go? Please?"

"This stays between us, only us. I'll protect you, Clark and all of your secrets."

He grabs hold of my elbows and pleads with me. "I know that Lex and I'm grateful but you have to promise me that you're not going to experiment on this!"

I swallow hard. There are so many amazing implications, so many unanswered questions. And Clark is begging me to let this remain a mystery...even to myself. Can I do this? Can I make this promise and not break it?

He yanks me into his arms smothering my face against his heaving chest. His hot face is pressed hard against my ear and I realize with the sounds of his raspy, heaving breaths that he's crying.

I throw my arms around him and run my hand down the side of his face trying to soothe. "Oh, Clark! I promise! I would never do anything to hurt you, ever!"

He clings to me tighter and it's difficult to breathe but I continue to hold him, comfort him. The doorbell chimes and we both jump, startled. "Your parents."

He pulls away, rubbing at his watery eyes and sniffling. "Oh crap I forgot all about them coming." A new panic throngs through his tensing body.

"It'll be alright, Clark. I promise. I'll go downstairs to greet them. Why don't you go splash some cold water on your face and try to calm down. I'll keep them occupied." I place a gentle kiss to his wet, flushed cheek.

"Okay." He sniffs.

"Okay?"

"Yeah. I'll be down in a minute."

I brush my hand down his cheek and manage a small smile. He catches my hand and places a kiss into the open palm. "I don't want them to know about this."

I'm surprised but I nod. "Alright, Clark."

He turns and heads into the bathroom and I head out of the room to go downstairs to face Jonathon and Martha Kent.

(Clark's POV)

Upon entering the den the first thing I notice is that nobody is talking. They all sit quietly with stoic faces. I'm shocked to see that clutched in my mother's hand is a tall glass half filled with dark liquid. My mother never drinks anything harder than the occasional glass of champagne on special occasions. My father is sitting on the couch beside her, bolt upright and straight backed, showing his discomfort at being in the lair of the infamous Lex Luthor. I tense up at the sight of him and grit my teeth. A part of me does appreciate the fact that he's here but another part of me can't stop remembering the look on his face when he threw me out of my home.

"Clark." My mother smiles and gets up to come wrap her arms around me, the ice clinking in her glass.

"Hey Mom." She pecks me on the cheek and I hug her back feeling awkward from the unfamiliar smell of whiskey on her breath. Lex is sitting on a loveseat across from my father. My mother retakes her seat next to my father and I sit down close to Lex. My thigh kisses his but I don't pull away. I need the comfort of this small contact with his body.

My dad notices the close proximity between me and Lex but only nods in my direction. "Son."

I acknowledge him with a simple nod of my head and say nothing. My heart is pounding in my chest and my entire body is twitching. I don't want to be here right now, in this room, with that man. Lex, seeming to notice my extreme discomfort places a gentle hand on my thigh. My Dad quirks an eyebrow at this and I glare at him, daring him to say anything about it. He quickly shifts his eyes to appreciate one of the many paintings on the walls. I smirk, feeling satisfied but Lex shoots a disapproving look my way. It wipes the smirk clean off of my face and I focus my attention onto a loose thread in my red sweater.

"Alright, enough of this uncomfortable silence." My mom says with her usual no nonsense attitude. "Jonathon, I think you've kept me and Clark both in the dark long enough. I'm sure we're both anxious to hear what you have to say for yourself."

She gives him a stern look and I'm shocked to find out that my mom has no idea what's going on either. They have always told each other everything. I don't know why this upsets me, but it does and I spit out, "Yeah Dad, we're waiting." Lex frowns at me but I don't care. He may be feeling all chummy in regards to my father right now, but that doesn't mean that I do.

My Dad looks up at all of us and scratches at the scruff on his neck. It looks weird to see my father with so much thick beard stubble. "I guess the first place to start is with an apology." He looks up at me with sad eyes. "Clark, I never meant to hurt you the way that I did. I let my emotions and my fear get the better of me and for that...I'm sorry, son."

I frown at his words. "I don't know if saying you're sorry is going to be enough. You really hurt me, Dad." After everything he said and did, he can't expect that it will be that easy for me to forgive and forget.

"I realize it's going to take some...time before things are back to normal between us..."

I cut him off in a huff, "If ever!"

He flinches at my angry words. My mother just gapes at the both of us.

"Jonathon, perhaps it would be prudent for you to just repeat what you explicated to me this afternoon." Lex, the epitome of cool and collected. Seemingly unruffled and completely in control. I imagine this is how he presents himself during tense business meetings. The calm within the storm, like the eye of a hurricane. I can't help but feel a reassuring sense of quiet pride for this man beside me.

"I don't really know where to start."

Lex pauses, calculating. "Start with Lionel's first covert visit with you two years ago."

"What?" My mother and I both turn to look at him astonished.

"Why didn't you tell me anything about this?" My mother asks.

"What the hell did he want? I ask.

My father holds up a hand. "Let me explain before everyone starts jumping me with questions."

We shut up and wait for him to continue.

"It was right after Clark's sixteenth birthday, the weekend that Lex took him to Metropolis for that double header?"

"How could I forget you flipped out and refused to let me go, and then you didn't talk to me for three days after I got home." I grumble an old wave of anger rolling over me.

He just nods his head and continues. "Right. Well I was out in the back 9 late that first night you were gone, pounding poles to vent some of my...frustration. When Lionel showed up. He was completely furious that I had allowed you to spend an entire weekend unsupervised with Lex. I've never seen him so out of control like that before. He spouted off all kinds of...disturbing things about Lex and his..." He stops and glances over at Lex with a strange look on his face. "Well let's just say he told me some stories about Lex and his various sexual exploits with other...boys when he was Clark's age."

My mother looks at me, then at Lex and covers her mouth with a trembling hand.

I shift uncomfortably in my seat.

Lex just sits there seemingly undisturbed. "Yes, my father has always had quite a talent when it comes to painting a very sordid picture of my torrid youth when he believes it will benefit him in some way." He looks at my mom and smiles reassuringly. "Please let me set your mind at ease Martha by assuring you that my intentions with your son that weekend were one hundred percent innocent. We watched baseball, ate a lot of hotdogs and retired to separate bedrooms at the end of the day."

My mom shakes her head embarrassed and smiles weakly at Lex. "Of course, Lex."

My father clicks his teeth. "Lionel managed to convince me otherwise. The things that he put into my head that night made me physically sick. I would be lying if I said I hadn't had my own suspicions for a while. I noticed the way the two of you looked at each other, the little touches here and there. But until that night, I had never really brought any of that to the front of my mind. I didn't want to know and I had been trying to convince myself that my instincts were off, that what I was feeling was impossible. But Lionel brought it all to the surface, threw it bluntly into my face. I tried to argue it with him, denying even the faintest possibility and insisting that even if Lex entertained such perversions, my son did not, could not." He gulps and looks at me with something akin to betrayal on his face. My face heats up from the outrage I feel deep in the pit of my stomach.

"He laughed and told me that if I really believed that then he felt sorry for me. Then he told me...no he warned me to keep Clark away from Lex and he left."

"Why didn't you ever tell me any of this Jonathon? I had a right to know about this." Anger flares in my mother's eyes.

"I'm sorry Martha. I guess I was trying to protect you...and myself. I didn't want to even think about some of the insinuations that Lionel had made. And I hoped he was wrong and that life would go on all butterflies and blue skies." He chuckles dryly. "But he refused to let me forget. The very next day while you were in town at the farmer's market a package arrived special delivery. The only thing it contained was a single picture...of Lex."

My heart pounds in my chest. "What kind of picture?" I turn to look at Lex but his face gives nothing away.

My dad shakes his head and grimaces and I'm sure I can guess. "There was a note scratched out on the back of the photo that read: Ever wonder what Lex is doing with your son behind locked doors?"

My mother gasps and he places a hand on her arm. "That was just the first of many. I don't know exactly how he knew when Clark and Lex were together or how he knew that you'd be out of the house, I can only suspect that he was watching us...all of us. But a new picture arrived almost every time, each more explicit and more disturbing than the last. Always of Lex... sometimes alone in the photograph but more often than not the pictures were of Lex and a multitude of different strange men and women."

I grit my teeth and try to breathe. I'm not naive enough to think that Lex's past was pure as snow. He's hinted about some of the things he's regretfully done during those dark times in his life. But the thought of Lionel always watching from the shadows or through the lens of a camera makes me feel nauseous. What kind of a sick, twisted mind takes pictures of his own flesh and blood son like that? And did Lex know? Did he know that his father was watching? Did he try to stop it?

"I destroyed each and every photograph almost as soon as they were opened. I don't know why I kept opening them. I knew what was inside but some part of me couldn't just throw them in the fireplace unopened. In some way I thought that by seeing them, I could somehow keep myself prepared and on guard. I thought I could somehow desensitize myself so that if the day ever did come when Clark decided to...be...with Lex, I could handle it. It was a shock each time I opened a new picture, and I lived in fear of the day that I would tear open an envelope only to see Clark... in one of those awful pictures."

"Oh my god." My mom whispers. "Jonathon, please don't tell me..."

He nods his head and looks like he's about to be sick. "Two days after Lex disappeared..." He swallows hard. And I think I just might be sick with him. "Down by the river...both of them...right out in the open, for all the world to see."

I feel my mother's eyes on me and I can't bring myself to look up. The thought of somebody watching...of Lionel seeing that, of my own father seeing that..."Excuse me." I mumble before superspeeding out of that room and into the bathroom. I've never been sick before but my mother finds me on my knees at the toilet, clutching desperately to the porcelain bowl heaving violently even if nothing comes up.

"Oh Clark!" I feel her hand on my sweaty face, wiping the hair out of my eyes. My entire body shaking so violently my teeth are clattering in my head. The heaving stops and leaves me panting with tears in my eyes.

And Lex is there. He drops to his knees and pulls me into his arms. "Clark?" I burry my face into his shirt and clutch tightly to him and he rocks me gently, "Shh..it's alright, just breathe. Breathe."

"Yeah, that's pretty much how I felt." I look up to see my father standing at the door with a sour look on his face.

My mother's voice is harsh. "Not now Jonathon, can't you see how upset he is?"

"Maybe he should of thought about that before..."

My mother cuts him off angrily, "Enough!"

Shivering in Lex's arms I stutter, "It's alright Mom. I'm okay."

I can hear Lex's heart pounding manically in his chest and I clutch to him tighter.

My father let's out a loud sigh. "There's one more thing that needs to be said and I might as well get it all out at once."

My mother and I both look up at him, waiting. "All Lionel ever wanted, was to keep Clark and Lex apart. That was his motive all along. When he found out about them...he sent me that photograph but there was something else. He had always written something on the backs of the other pictures. He didn't do that this time. This time when I flipped the picture over it wasn't a warning, it was a threat. Clark...Lionel knows your secret. He had taped a tiny sliver of kryptonite to the photograph."

I tear myself from Lex's arms and throw myself to the toilet...just in time.


	16. Chapter 16

An Ounce of Restraint

By: Karacullen23

Rated: NC-17

WARNING: CONTENT MAY BE DISTURBING TO SOME READERS, PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters, nor do I get paid for the crap that I write.

A/N: This chapter contains some very graphic and explicit content. Please...be advised.

Chapter 16

(Lex's POV)

Having been kicked out of the bathroom by Martha so she could properly take care of Clark, I'm left alone in the office with a very dour looking Jonathan Kent. I go to pour myself another drink to calm my nerves. I'm worried about Clark, I've never seen him sick before, and I don't like it that I can't be there with him right now. I pace the floor of my study, my drink in my hand and my mind racing with all the disturbing events of the day. The possibility that I could be developing some or all of Clark's abilities, the horrifying revelation that my father has been spying on me for years. The shame that I feel when I look at Jonathan, knowing that he's seen me at my worst. And the biggest almost heart stopping news that my father not only knows about Clark, but he also knows his weakness.

Putting the pieces together in my head I now realize why my father came after me now. I couldn't understand why after all of these years he suddenly decided to...do what he did to me in that hotel room. Now I understand. He never really cared what the hell I did with other people before. He only cared enough on some superficial level, enough to lecture me and eventually exile me to Smallville. But that was different. Whatever relationships I'd had then were meaningless, drug induced, one night stands that more often then not I didn't even remember by morning. He didn't care because I didn't care. But with Clark it's different. Very different. What I feel for Clark is so far above and beyond meaningless that I couldn't put it into words even if I tried. My father has always been controlling and possessive over people, and he's also no blind idiot. He's a sick, twisted, and jealous son of a bitch who cannot allow his prized possession to have any real feelings for somebody else. My stomach rolls at the epiphany that what my father did to me that night, he did out of jealousy and desperation. I was a fool to think that I could hide my feelings for Clark from him. The man has always been able to see right through me and glean all of my deepest thoughts and feelings. I should never have allowed myself to even look sideways at Clark. I should have just walked away that bridge that day and never looked back. And now everything that's happened, to me, to Clark and his family. It's all because of me. It's all because of my own stupid weakness and selfishness.

Jonathans words interrupt and echo my thoughts. "This is all your fault Lex. Why couldn't you have just left him alone?" His voice is quiet and brings a chill into the room. I've thought a lot about that very thing, especially in the last few weeks. If I were stronger, if I could somehow take my feeling for Clark and lock them away in a pandora's box, I'd be able to walk away. If I stayed away, if I gave in to what my father wants then maybe, just maybe, Clark would be safe. I should have just walked away in the very beginning. right from the start. As soon as I realized I was starting have real feelings for him I should run the other way and never looked back.

"It's too late for that now."

Jonathans voice is filled with a quiet anger. "You've put my son's life in danger because of some sick, perverse power game with your father and I will not just stand idly by on this."

His words sting and I feel my temper rise. "This is not some game Mr. Kent. What I feel for Clark is every bit as true and deep as feelings go. It was never my intention to put him in harms way and if I could go back and change things now I would. But I can't, and I'm not going to walk away from him now."

"Typical of a Luthor." He snorts. "Selfish."

"Did you not hear a single word I just said? Goddamnit I love him!" My entire body trembles with the urge to plant my fist to his lip.

"Well I don't really give a rats ass how you feel. I'm more concerned with getting my son away from you and your father. If you really feel as strongly about him as you claim, you would want that too. You would do what's best for him and get as far away as possible to ensure that he's out of your father's sights and safe!"

"And what about what I want? Or do you just not care about that?" Clark looms in the doorway, his face flushed and his eyes hardened in anger.

Martha steps through the door and turns to look at him with wide eyes. "Of course we care! But we're also scared for your life right now. And as long as you and Lex are," she stutters over it, "together, then Lionel will want to hurt you Clark!"

His mothers pleading voice does nothing to melt his resolve. "Lionel Luthor is a comatose vegetable right now. What the hell can he do to me as long as he's in that bed? Not to mention the fact that I'm more than capable of taking care of myself. I'm not exactly some eighty pound fucking weakling that can't defend himself you know."

"Clark!" Martha gasps, I'm guessing at his choice of language.

"We know that son but no matter how strong or how fast you are as long as Lionel is breathing and knows your secret, then you're no longer invulnerable." Jonathans words state the frightening truth and I find myself trembling again. As long as my father lives and breathes, Clark won't be safe. Jonathan places his hands on Clark's shoulders and looks seriously into his face. "We need to take advantage of the situation and get you out of Smallville and off of Lionels radar and I'm sorry Clark but that means away from Lex as well." His blue eyes darken in my direction.

I shake my head knowing full well that no matter where they run, they won't be able to hide from my father. "Running away won't accomplish anything but piss my father off. He'll track you down no matter where you go."

"It doesn't mean we can't try." Martha whispers as she gazes off out the window.

Clark just shakes his fathers hands off of him and yells. "You're not sorry dad so don't even pretend like you are. I'm not fucking going anywhere. I'm not leaving Lex and if you or Lionel has a problem with that then that's too fucking bad!"

Jonathans face turns red and he shouts back at him. "Damnit Clark we're your parents and we know what's best for you. And we're leaving Smallville, tonight. And watch your fucking mouth."

That was definitely the wrong thing to say because Clark is visibly shaking, his fists clenched tight at his sides. His voice is quieter but slithers dangerously. "This coming from the man who threw me out the house screaming at me that you were never my father?" Both his parents' faces pale at this and he shakes his head and continues. "I'm not going. anywhere. You seem to have forgotten that I'm eighteen and legally able to make my own decisions. And I decide that I can take care of myself and I'm not leaving the man that I love for anything or anyone."

(Clark's POV)

I step into the dim foyer and shut the door behind me and go in search of Lex. He said he was going to pick me up from school today but when I got out there was no sign of him. I figured he just had to work late or something at the plant but his car is in the driveway. I don't know why but a feeling of dread washes over me as I walk down the hallway. The sound of my footsteps seem to be echoing in my ears, bouncing off of the walls. The house is unearthly still. Sweat begins to bead on my upper lip and in the palms of my suddenly trembling hands. "Lex?" I call out as I ease the office door open. Empty. My heart rate picks up. Something is definitely wrong. I can feel it. I rush to check the rest of the house. The kitchen is empty, as is the small bathroom. No sign of him in any of the downstairs rooms. I step back out into the hall and start to head towards the stairs when I hear a muffled sound like pain coming from the back of the house...the pool room. I speed off down the hall in a blind panic and stop dead in my tracks when I see him.

I rub at my eyes and shake my head not believing my own two eyes. This isn't happening. What the hell is happening? There in the shallow end of the giant indoor swimming pool, is Lex...and he's not alone. A tall, slender man that I've never seen before in my life is naked in the water with him, holding him. Lex is leaning with his back against this strangers smooth chest, his head thrown back on his shoulder, a look of ecstasy painted on his face. I can't breathe. My breath hitches in my throat and I choke as I watch this strangers hands roam over Lex's creamy smooth chest, stopping to twist viciously at the dark pink nipples. Lex lets out a moan of pure pleasure and I cringe that somebody else can make him moan like that. The strangers mouth comes down to Lex's neck as his hands move down Lex's lithe and muscular frame. His hands disappear from my view, hidden by the edge of the pool. I start to take a heavy step forward when Lex jerks in this strangers arms and lets out a mewling cry and trembles and I know that sound, that look...that tremble. I can't control the cry that escapes me at the sight of my love being brought to orgasm by a stranger. They both stiffen and turn to look at me. Lex's eyes are dark and sex hazed and a small smile lifts the corners of his rosy lips when he looks at me. "Clark." Despite the pain that I'm sure is written all over my face he seems not only unsurprised but completely unconcerned that I've caught him like this. But the shock of this is quickly interrupted as a dark head rises up out of the water and delicate, wet hands slide up Lex's body as she kisses up his body. He turns his attention to her, pulling her up and taking her mouth in his hungrily as his pale hands knead into her small, pert breasts. And I wonder if I'm still alive or if maybe some how I've died and found myself in hell.

"Lana?" I choke out as my head spins. There's no way that this can be happening! I'm frozen where I stand. My heart heavy and aching in my chest.

She looks over at me and giggles as Lex runs a hand over her plump ass and squeezes. "Clark!" She lifts her hand from Lex's chest reaches out towards me. "Come and join us." She giggles again and Lex lifts his head to smile over at me.

"Yes, Clark...join us." He lays his head back onto the strangers shoulder and runs a hand up and over his scruffy face. "This is Frederick...poor boy doesn't speak a word of english." He practically purrs in this 'Fredrick's' arms and I feel my eyes start to burn with an emotion that I can't quite name. It's just too goddamned much! Anger, hurt, loss, rage...and something teetering on the edge of desire.

I swallow hard and without having made a conscious decision to do so, I find myself walking towards them. My fists clenched tight at my sides, my eyes hot and threatening to incinerate them all where they stand. "Lex?' My voice is tight and strained. I try to find my sanity in the haze of all this madness. I try to focus on Lex's face, looking deep into his eyes trying desperately for some comfortable recognition there. "Lex what are you d...d..doing? I d..don't know what's happening?"

He extricates himself from the arms of Lana and 'Frederick' and swims over to the edge of the pool to look up at me with bright eyes. "Don't fight it Baby, just let yourself...feel it." He reaches up to me and I find myself confused and bending down to squat in front of him. His cool, wet hand caresses my hot cheek and he licks at his lips. I look into his big eyes and I feel myself drowning. I reach a trembling finger to his soft lips and he smiles before taking my finger tip slowly into his mouth to suck. I shudder at the odd but pleasant sensation and close my eyes. I feel his hands clutch onto the front of my shirt and he yanks forward, and I fall face first into the water.

I come up sputtering. "What the hell..." But his hot mouth is on mine, his tongue hard and forceful. As he dominates me with his ravenous kisses, his fingers work at undoing the buttons of my shirt and pushes the wet fabric back and over my shoulders. Big hands come from behind to yank my shirt the rest of the way off of my arms and I stiffen as those hands place themselves uninvited on my back. I start to pull away from the touch but Lex presses tight against me, holding me there between the two of them. I feel trapped and I'm suffocating, gasping for air.

"Just relax Clark, and let him touch you. Let yourself feel..." I open my mouth to protest but he kisses me again as his hand comes down hard to squeeze at the aching bulge in my pants that I hadn't even realized was there until just now. His hand squeezes and kneads into me and I find myself panting at his rough touch, wanting more but feeling confused and a little bit afraid. And Lana is there, her cool lips kissing into the back of my neck and sending shivers through me. Fredrick's hands circle around my stomach and down to unbuckle my pants and I don't quite know what to think about this stranger touching me like this but as he pulls my pants down Lex drops beneath the surface of the water and takes my aching cock into his tight mouth. I gasp at the new sensations of Lex's hot mouth then the cool water, then his hot mouth again. And Lana's mouth is on mine, her tongue pressing to get in. I groan and let her in, her kiss so different from Lexs', more open and airy but not unpleasant. I pull her against my side and her breasts push against my arm as Frederick rubs up against me from behind me. I can feel his heavy cock slapping against my thigh and my blood rushes faster through my veins. I've never felt anything quite like this before. Overwhelmed and overloaded from all the different sensations the most amazing of which being Lex's hot mouth under water wrapped tightly, sucking. Alternating with the feel of the cool water as he releases me only to take me into his mouth again. Then he opens his mouth allowing the water to flow in as he swirls a talented tongue over my throbbing cock. And christ how long can he hold his breath? And where the hell did he learn how to do this? Lana pulls away from me with a smile and slides around me to join Frederick at my back. Who would have ever thought of something like this? His mouth closes firmly around me again and I buck my hips forward, thrusting myself forcefully down his tight throat. His fingers dig hard into my hips in surprise but he takes me all the way down his throat and swallows, his throat muscles rippling and squeezing me. He pulls back, releasing my cock from his mouth and breaks the surface of the water gasping for air.

As he breaks through the waters surface blood gushes from his mouth. Stunned I reach out with trembling fingers to wipe away at the blood but it just keeps coming. My heart pounds and my voice is choking with panic. "Lex! You're bleeding!" He throws his head back and laughs, his blood splattering in my face. Lana and Frederick swim over surrounding me and laughing. "What the hell is going on?" The room spins around me and their faces blur but I'm still able to make out long, dangerously sharp, white fangs descending from Lana's mouth. I scream as she throws her head back with a growl and comes down violently tearing into Lex's pale throat. I try to rush over to him to throw her off but the water is like wet cement and I can't make myself move quickly. Then I feel a sharp, searing pain in my wrists and I look back to see Frederick tearing into my flesh there with his teeth. My own blood drips into the dark water and I can't seem to tear him away. And Lex is screaming now for me to help him and I can't even help myself. I'm crying, feeling so desperate to escape Frederick's razor grip and slosh through the thick water to get to Lex. My muscles ache and burn with the effort but I still can't break free. And Lex is slowly sinking beneath the black surface of the water, a fierce and savage Lana going down with him, still latched to his torn and bloodied throat. I reach my hand out and scream..."LEX!"

I wake up panting and gasping for breath. The pure and nauseating dread that I felt in the dream following me into consciousness. And then I notice that my hands are tied. Panic knocks into me hard and I try to jerk free only to gasp in shocking pain as my wrists are sliced. "Clark don't move!"

Lex's panicked cry registers as I feel the warm trickle of blood on my arms. I turn to look at him through pain bleary eyes and cry out and start my struggling all over again, only to be rewarded with more cuts, more pain and more blood.

"Clark, please don't pull!" Lex is splayed beside me on the bed, his arms and legs each tied to the bed with dark metal cuffs rimmed with what can only be kryptonite. The stones glow bright green in the dark room and throw a sickly hue over his pale and bloodied face. And I think it's safe to assume that I'm rigged in the same fashion. I test out trying to move my feet and am rewarded by tight resistance and burning cuts to my ankles and I gasp with the pain. "Clark!"

I still and look towards Lex. My voice is a crackling whisper. "What the hells going on? What's happening?"

His stormy eyes wide he shakes his head and opens his mouth to speak only to be interrupted by an unwelcome, familiar voice. "Well, well, look who's finally awake."

My heart jumps to my throat and I try to swallow it back down. "Lionel."

He's a dark shadow moving towards us from the doorway. "So nice that you could finally join us Clark. I do love my son, but I'm finding his company rather...unstimulating at the moment."

"What the hell are you playing at Lionel? Get these fucking cuffs off right now!" I growl dangerously.

He chuckles and moves towards me. "Or what Clark? What can you do? Those cuffs are lined with green meteor rock and the edges are filed razor sharp. As I can see you've already discovered for yourself." He runs a slow and gentle finger down my bloody arm and his touch leaves a sick feeling behind.

"Don't you fucking touch him." Lex roars from beside me.

Lionel sighs and shakes his head. "Hollow threats son. Rest assured that there's absolutely nothing that either you or Clark can do. I've even had your own cuffs lined with meteor rock to ensure that even if by some miracle you were to escape, Clark would still be unable to help you."

"You're not going to get away with this alive!" I hiss at him, slowly turning my hands in the cuffs. The edges are slicing into me but maybe...with enough blood for lubrication I'll be able to slide free.

"Rest assured Clark, I've taken every precaution. You will not be surprising me again." He holds up his hand and my eyes have adjusted enough to the darkness that I can see a sly smile play at his face. "You like my new ring?" He chuckles. "It's a lovely piece isn't it? Pure fourteen carat white gold with a rather attractive diamond cut meteor rock setting." Without warning his fist comes flying at my face and my lip splits from the blow.

"Leave him alone!" Lex screams as he pulls on at his chains.

I lift my head back up from the pillow and snarl at Lionel and he just chuckles. "Just a little payback. I feel much better now. Really, I'm not a violent man by nature."

Lex snorts in the back of his throat. "Yeah tell that to my face."

Lionel ignores him and sits on the bed beside me. I flinch as his hand reaches out to cup my face. "You really are quite extraordinary Clark. I can see why my son seems to be so taken by you. A rare beauty like you really should be admired and...shared." His finger traces my sore and swollen lip, smearing the blood.

I feel Lex go rigid beside me and he gasps out. "Stop."

My own body tenses and I wonder about how Lex survived childhood with this man. When his finger dips into my mouth I growl and bite down hard. He yanks his hand away with a yelp and then slaps me hard accross my face. "Don't touch me." I spit out venomously.

"Oh?" He tilts his head and looks at me with an odd expression on his face. "I think that's exactly what I'm going to do. I want to experience for myself what exactly it is about you that makes my son pant on his knees like a bitch in heat for you."

The blood in my veins turn to ice and my stomach lurches painfully. I turn terrified eyes to Lex, but his face his blank. He's not here right now, and I'm left to fend for myself against this monster. And as his hands slither their way beneath the elastic waistband of my boxers I close my eyes and wish I was wherever Lex was right now.


	17. Chapter 17

An Ounce of Restraint

By: Karalena Cullen

Rated: NC-17

WARNING: CONTENT MAY BE DISTURBING TO SOME READERS, PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters, nor do I get paid for the crap that I write.

A/N: This chapter contains some very graphic and explicit content. Please...be advised.

Chapter 17

(Lex's POV)

The sound of Clark's pitiful whimpering cries brings me out of my daze and back to reality. I bite down hard on my lip, trying not to cry. I squeeze my eyes shut, not wanting to see. But no matter how hard I try to faze myself away from this, it's still happening and I'm still here and Clark is still crying.

"Please...stop...don't...oh God!" Clark's voice rises in panic. I chance a glance over at him and almost vomit. His face is ashen and contorted in pure terror as Lionel's hand moves within his boxers. My father's eyes glint maliciously, his mouth twisted in a feral smile. And seeing this all, actually coming face to face with this, I come back to myself. The scared little boy is gone and Lex Luthor comes back.

"Get your fucking hands off of him!" I scream and begin to pull and jerk violently at my bonds. The cuffs bite and tear viciously into my wrists and ankles but I don't feel feel the pain. I can't feel the pain. Lionel may have overtaken and overpowered me in the past, he may have taken that little boy and twisted and fucked him all up inside, but there is no way in hell he is going to destroy this pure and innocent angel beside me. I would fucking die first.

Lionel glances over at me and smiles, proud and victorious as he pulls his hand from Clark's boxers. Clark trembles and whimpers and Lionel squints his eyes deviously as he slowly unzips his pants. "I warned you Lex. I thought I'd made myself crystal clear. Now because of you, Clark here is the one suffering for your disobedience. Remember this moment my son, and take one last look at the Clark Kent that you once knew. Because after tonight, he will never be the same again I'm afraid."

Clark's eyes widen and even in his terror he still manages to look at me and shout. "Don't you listen to him Lex! This isn't your fault!" He bucks and thrashes trying to get away. Bright red blood seems to pour from his wrists, it splashes down his arms and soaks into the bedsheets.

Lionel's words ooze into my brain and the guilt that they bring eat me alive, but I swallow it down and grit my teeth in resolve. "Get away from him or I swear to god I will fucking kill you where you stand." My voice drips a quiet poison.

Unconcerned, Lionel lets out an amused chuckle. His hand slithers across Clark's sweaty, heaving chest. "Such a beautiful boy."

"Get off of me!" Clark chokes and jerks trying to get out from beneath the unwanted contact. Lionels hand slides its way down Clark's chest to his belly and stops at his hip. With a quick, violent yank, Clark's boxers come away. Exposed and shivering, Clark's cry rips through me. Lionel narrows his eyes and climbs on top of him, the bed dips with the added weight. I thrash and howl in a desperate panic.

"Lex!" His chest hitches as he turns to look at me, his watery green eyes pleading for me to stop this, to help him, to do something, anything at all to put an end to this nightmare.

I swallow hard and taste my own tears on my lips and I nod. "Just breathe Clark and think of yourself somewhere else."

Lionel scoffs and white spittle flies from his mouth, "Oh please spare me." He knocks Clark's legs apart and positions himself between them. Clark's eyes widen in terror and a strangled cry sounds deep in his throat and I know. Oh sweet lord god, I know.

This is not happening. Not to Clark please not Clark. "Fuck you Lionel! Fuck you!" I roar and knock my hands hard against the metal of the head board jamming my thumbs upwards. Clark's raspy, panicked gasping fills the air. Lionel throws his head back and laughs. And I howl in pain and triumph as I feel the bones in both of my thumbs bend, crack and snap. And my hands slick with fresh blood slides easily from the cuffs and I'm free. And it all happens so fast. As soon as I throw the cuffs away I feel my strength instantly returning to me. With the meteor rock far enough away I can feel the tightening in my skin where the cuts are healing and with a quick jerk of my legs I'm completely free. There's an odd clicking in my hands as the bones in my thumbs knit back together. Just in time for Lionel to turn to look at me, his jaw dropped and a look of pure shock on his face. With an animalistic roar I throw myself at him knocking him off of the bed and he falls hard to the floor with me on top of him. And I don't give him a chance to so much as twitch a muscle. My fists slam down hard into his face and I'm screaming. "Fuck you dad! Fuck you! Fuck you!" His eyes wide and horror struck, quickly glaze over with pain. His blood gushes and splatters in my face, his bones crunch and I keep hitting him and screaming.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I hear Clark's panicked cries. "Lex enough! Enough you're killing him!"

But I can't stop. All the rage and pain built up from the years and years of tyrannical abuse suffered at the hands of this monster rise up in me now. The feel of his ugly face caving beneath my fists feels too good and it isn't until there's a loud, sickening crack as his skull breaks beneath my hands that the realization of what's happening hits me. I freeze and gape in horror at the mess that was once my father's face. Coldness sweeps through me and I start to tremble and shake. "Oh god." I choke and jerk off of his still body. Away from his unrecognizable face which is nothing more than a puddle of bone, blood and gray jelly. I fall to the floor and scramble frantically to the other side of the room. My stomach heaves violently and lurches and I gasp and choke and try to breathe.

"Lex!"

Clark's' voice. Clark is here. I'm in my bedroom, my hands are drenched in blood and Clark is here. My father is nothing more than a bloody, messy heap on the floor, and I can't fucking breath. And Clark is there, unable to move in the bed and he needs me to free him. And Lionel Luthor is dead.

"Lex please calm down."

The room is spinning around me and I'm choking.

"Don't leave me please! Stay with me focus Lex! Please don't leave me!"

His wet green eyes shine bright through the haze. "Clark?"

"I'm right here. Stay Lex, please god don't lose it."

The room stills and I stumble to my feet. One foot in front of the other, step, step, step towards Clark. My legs heavy and clumsy as my feet hit the floor hard with each step. And I'm going to have to step over my father to get to Clark. "Don't look down, just look at me Lex. Just keep your eyes on me." I nod and keep my eyes on his angelic face as I lift a heavy foot up and over and I'm almost there. A wave of aching pain and nausea sweep over me as I reach for the metal cuffs at Clark's bloodied wrists. I groan and stumble back. Clark gulps and his voice is a trembling, breathy whisper. "His pockets." I hold up my hand and nod and stumble over to Lionels pants that are piled at the end of the bed on the floor. With trembling hands I bite down on my lip and hold my breath trying to make my fingers work. "It's okay, take your time. Focus." At last my fingers feel something small and cool, the key.

I pull the key out and lose my grasp on it and it falls to the floor. "Shit." I mutter out and drop to my knees to search for it, not seeing where it had fallen. Clark rattles his chains and groans and my hands feel the carpet frantically all around me. "I've got it." Grasping the little metal key firmly in my fist I get back up with some difficulty and maneuver my way back up to the head of the bed. Clark's face is pallid and streaked with blood, tears and sweat. His eyes shine wide as I gasp for breath as the green meteor rock hits me. I feel myself getting weaker by the second as I fumble with the lock and then, the key turns and the cuffs spring open. I grab the chain and throw the cuffs across the room and far away. Clark groans and breathes heavily through his nose and I watch as his cuts close up and some of the colour returns to his face. He sits up and reaches for the chain at his feet and snaps it easily. I guess Lionel didn't have the foresight to put meteor rock in the ankle cuffs too. My voice is high and tight but I have to know, "Clark did he..." I can't say the words, but I don't have too. Clark understands.

He shakes his head jerkilly. "No, you stopped him...just in time." His face flushes bright red and he swallows hard.

Relief washes over me and I thank all the powers that may be for that and I nod. "Oh thank god." And then my head swims, the room swirls around me and I fall into his arms that are quick to grab me.

"Lex!" His worried voice follows me into oblivion.

(Clark's POV)

"Lex?" He falls limp into my arms. I lay him gently on the bed. His face pale like alabaster, stained deep chocolate red with dried blood. With trembling hands I check every inch of his body for damages. His breathing is slow and deep and his skin completely free of the cuts and bruises that were there only minutes ago. Well I guess if nothing else, there's absolutely no doubt about the fact that Lex has my healing abilities. And it would also seem that he's also acquired my kryptonite vulnerability. Secure in the knowledge that Lex is all in one piece, at least physically, I pull a blanket to cover his naked, sleeping form and hesitantly walk over to the other side of the bed.

Lionel Luthor's body lies unmoving on the carpet in a wide, dark pool of blood. The sight of his pale, naked body twisted and bloodied makes me feel like I'm in a dream. There's an odd feeling of unreality as I kneel beside him to feel for a pulse. I know he's dead. How could he not be, where there was once a face is now a mangled mass of fresh gore. But I have to be sure, there's some part of me that needs to know absolutely that he's dead. A shiver runs through me as I feel at his still warm throat for a pulse. Nothing, he's dead. Lionel Luthor is dead.

It's strange, I know I should be feeling...something. I should be sickened, horrified, freaking out, or even scared shitless kneeling beside this dead man. This man who only moments ago was about to rape me. This man who only moments ago had his skull literally smashed in by the man that I love. Perhaps I should feel relieved or even ecstatic that this monster is dead. But I don't feel anything at all. Just a quiet sort of calm from deep inside. My heart beat strong and steady, my body cool and not quite relaxed but normal. What's wrong with me? Shouldn't I feel something? Anything other than this odd sort of...detachment? I should be freaking out right now for god sakes. There's a naked, dead man on the floor beside me, and I feel...nothing.

I get up and sit on the edge of the bed. The sound of Lex's gentle breathing beside me, I stare down at the mess on the floor and Lionel Luthor's slowly stiffening dead body. Well I can't bring myself to feel bad. The man was a fucking monster and got what he fucking deserved. My only concern is for Lex and how this is going to affect him. I'm not going to allow him to feel guilty over this. It's not going to be easy, not with Lex. He may get away with fooling the world that he doesn't give a shit and nothing fazes him, but I know better.

I brush a gentle finger over Lex's pale cheek as he sleeps when suddenly there's an ear splitting screech inside of my head. The high pitched whine grows louder and louder and I fall to the floor panting, grabbing my head. "Jor-El." I choke out and as soon as I speak his name aloud, the noise and the pain stops. Gasping I rise to my feet and take one last look at Lex. I don' t want to leave him all alone like this, but I know Jor-El. If I don't come to him when he calls, the pain will just get worse and worse each time he calls. I take one last look at Lex, and then superspeed out of the mansion to see Jor-El.

The crystal fortress seems somehow dim and colder than usual as I arrive. A shiver runs through me. "I'm here Jor-El." I call out with a scowl as I head towards the crystal console that holds his voice.

"Kal-El..." His deep voice booms, "Have you forgotten the path that I have set out for you?"

I flinch at his words and feel the heat flush to my cheeks. "You never let me forget Jor-El." Angry and sick of his interference with my life I spit out at him. "I'm doing the best that I can. But this is my life and my world and you need to let me do things in my own way! Why can't you just leave me alone!" I cringe expecting pain from him, but there is no pain and all is silent. I take in a sharp breath and stand my ground. I have to get back to Smallville, to Lex. "I don't have time for this right now so if you don't mind I'd like to get back now!" I turn to leave but the ringing tears through my head again and I crumble with the pain to my knees. "Stop it!" I scream out in agony and frustration. And the relief is immediate as the sound stops.

Jor-El's voice is angry and derisive. "You will listen to what I have to say Kal-El or you will suffer the consequences."

I shuffle to my feet and glare up at the flickering lights of the crystals. My chest heaving I throw my hands into the air. "What gives you the right to treat me like this? How many times do we have to do this? What more do you want? I've done everything you've asked of me!"

"You are straying from the path I have laid out for you. You are changing Kal El, you are losing your way of what is right and what is expected. Because of you, a human life is ended tonight. If you don't take heed and alter your course before it's too late you will become the destroyer of this world."

"I didn't kill him." I huff, but his words terrify and confuse me. The image flickers behind my eyes of Lex's face contorted in ugly rage as he lost control and beat Lionel's face in with his bare hands. But it wasn't his fault, he didn't know his own strength. My stomach drops and I tremble. He didn't know his own strength because when I gave him my blood I changed him. So desperate to save him I gave him my Kryptonian blood, and when I did, I inadvertently gave him my abilities. I close my eyes and breathe out. If I hadn't gone after Lionel that day in Metropolis, he never would have been at the mansion tonight for me, and Lex wouldn't have had to try to protect me. And Lionel Luthor would still be alive right now, and Lex wouldn't be a murderer. "No." I gasp out and my mind races. Regardless of what I may have done, it was all in response to the horrible things that Lionel had done. If he hadn't hurt Lex, I wouldn't have gone after him the way that I did and Lex would never have tried to kill himself and I wouldn't have had to save him the only way I knew how. No, everything that I did was because Lionel was a sick and depraved piece of shit. The anger burns and I clench my fists at my sides. I refuse to feel guilty over this. "Everything that I've done has been to protect the man that I love, to try and save him from that monster! Lionel Luthor was an evil fucking monster! A sick and depraved lunatic and he got what he deserved! My only regret is that it was Lex and not me!" I scream.

"It is a dangerous weakness allowing your human emotions to overwhelm you. It is not for you to decide Kal El. You cannot condone nor participate in the taking of a human life. If you truly feel as you say then you are lost to me and the fate of this world and humanity is in grave jeopardy."

"If being disgusted and horrified to see the evils that man committed against his own son and not feeling sorry that the son of a bitch is dead is a weakness then that's too fucking bad! I can't live in this world and watch the horrible things that human beings do to each other and the world around them and not be affected by it. I'm not an automaton Jor El, I have feelings, I get angry and I get scared. And it hurts me to see the one's that I love being hurt. But I also don't understand how the hell I'm supposed to be this great savior you expect me to be if I don't care? Just because I refuse to feel guilty this makes me an enemy to humanity? I'm sorry but that's bull shit. What happened tonight was just. Lionel Luthor is dead and he can't hurt anybody anymore. He can't hurt Lex anymore."

"Condoning the taking of a human life is not just, Kal El, your feelings are not those of justice but of revenge."

"Lionel came after me tonight. He was there to hurt me the way he'd hurt Lex. You have no idea what he almost did to me." I whisper trembling. "Lex was only trying to protect me. He saved me. And Lionel won't ever be able to hurt either one of us ever again now. Not only was it _just_ but it was _necessary_. Lionel never would have stopped otherwise."

"I am aware Kal El. But Lionel Luthor could have been stopped by other means. His life did not need to be taken."

My jaw drops and my eyes widen. Something in me feels hurt and betrayed. "You knew? You knew what he was going to do to us...to me and you did nothing?"

"It was not for you to interfere. You altered the course that was laid out for you and in doing so you set much in motion."

I cannot believe that I am hearing this. There's so many different emotions pulsating within me that I want to tear my hair out. Shock, anger, pain and much more that I can't even put a name to. I don't know why but my throat tightens and tears sting in my eyes, threatening to spill down my hot cheeks. Angrily I wipe at my eyes "That's enough. I'm done Jor El. I'm fucking done with this, with you. I'll make my own fucking destiny. Just stay out of my life." I don't wait for a response. I turn from the crystals and superspeed away. I'm half expecting to be brought to my knees again by his angry call in my head, but all is silent as the world passes me by in a blur of colour.

When I get back to the mansion all of the lights are on and my fathers old, faded pick up truck is in the driveway. A new feeling of anxiety and worry hit me. My father is inside this house where Lionel Luthor was just murdered and where his body lies naked and bloodied on the floor. In this house where a very out of it and very freaked out Lex was passed out in. What the hell is going on? What is he doing here this time of night? And does he know about Lionel? An icy thread of panic slivers down my spine and curls around my guts. I rush inside and hear voices coming from the den. Nervously I step through the doorway and my eyes go wide when I see my father. He's sitting slumped with a drink in his hand while a very pale and trembling Lex paces the floor. My fathers shirt sleeves are rolled up over his thick forearms. His plaid shirt is covered in dark stains and his faded blue jeans are painted deep red with blood. My heart jumps to my throat and I rush over to him, quickly x-raying to check for bone fractures. His bones a little frayed with age, but they all seem to be solid. No breaks, splinters or cracks. There's a thin scar on one of his wrist bones but it's an old scar from when he broke his wrist a few years ago. This alleviates my anxiety only slightly, coming back to normal vision, the man still looks like a macabre victim from one of those CSI shows.

"Oh my god! What happened?"

He holds his hands palms up and shakes his head. "I'm alright, Clark. It isn't my blood." There's an odd timbre to his voice I've never heard before. Almost like something...empty. Like a stone knocking against a hollow log.

He lets his hand fall back into his lap and he takes a slow drink from his glass. I stare at him waiting for an explanation but he's not offering. He simply gazes with cloudy eyes off into nothing. I turn to Lex who's stopped pacing and stands pale and trembling. There are stark, hollow circles beneath his violet gray eyes. "What happened? Whose blood is that?" I wave a hand behind me towards my dazed father.

"It's Lionel's blood." Lex's voice is flat and gravely and that's all he has to say on the matter. I gape at him and wait for him to elaborate but his stark face seems to gaze through me. I wonder at his and my father's seemingly distant behavior.

Frustrated that I can't seem to get more than a few words out of either one of them at a time, I take in a deep breath and try to keep the panic out of my voice. "Would somebody please...explain to me what the hell is going on right now? Because I'm about to completely fucking lose it here in a minute."

My dad finally speaks up. His voice is monotone, like he's reciting a bad play. "I couldn't sleep. I wanted to apologize for the way I acted earlier. When I got here, Lionel's car was in the driveway. I panicked when nobody answered the door. I came in and I found Lex...upstairs. And I saw...Lionel." He says this with absolutely no expression on his face, no emotion in his voice. He doesn't even look up at me when he says it.

"What?" I turn to Lex again but he just nods his head.

"Lex explained what had happened." He seems to choke. His stony face finally showing some expression. Shock mixed with disgust and horror. And I think I prefer the stone. "When I came into the room, I saw Lionel naked there on the floor." He points to a spot on the carpet as though he were living the moment all over again. And out of the corner of my eye I see Lex turn away to stare at a wall. I want to go over to him, to wrap my arms around him, but I can't make myself turn away from my father's story. "His face was..." He shakes his head and closes his eyes. "It...wasn't there anymore. And when I saw Lex lying on the bed covered in blood and looking so pale..."

His face contorts into a sour grimace and I wait for him to continue. He just sits there staring deep into his glass as though it contains all the secrets of the universe. "Dad?" I lay a hand on his shoulder but he doesn't even seem to notice my touch.

"He's not going to answer you. He's been like that for over an hour now. You're lucky you got that much out of him." Lex's cool voice pulls my attention.

"Is he gonna be okay?"

Lex runs a hand over his scalp and then shoves it back into his pocket. "I'm sure he'll be fine. It's just...alot to take in all at once I think."

I'm relieved that Lex is talking and seems to be coherent enough. But he still has a far away look in his eyes that scares me. "Are you alright?"

"I'll live."

"That's not really an answer."

He places his hands on my shoulders and I can feel the coolness from them through my flannel shirt. "I'm not going to lie. I've been better. I...murdered my father, Clark." He removes his hands and holds them out in front of him. "With my bare hands. I didn't...mean to, I don't think." He shakes his head. "But he's dead regardless of whatever my intentions might have been. I'm just still trying to figure out how exactly I feel about that. Right now I don't know what I feel. I just feel..."

He shakes his head again and lets out a deep sigh. "Numb?" I ask quietly.

"Yeah. That's it exactly. Numb."

"Yeah, that's kinda how I felt too."

He nods his head and goes to pour himself a drink at his bar. "I think I've really made an impression on your father now." He turns and raises his glass in my dad's direction. "Look at him, he can't even acknowledge reality right now."

I scowl at his sarcastic attitude. "What happened? I mean, I know the scene was gruesome but I never thought my dad would be one to turn sick at the sight of gore. I mean really it wasn't any more gruesome looking than a slaughtered cow or like that time we found a couple of our hogs half eaten by coyotes or something."

"Yes, but those were animals Clark."

Part of me wants to snap back, 'And so was Lionel.' But I keep my mouth shut.

"And it wasn't just that. He...obviously couldn't help but notice the fact that neither me nor my father were clothed. I woke up to him freaking out. He had thought I was dead too until I woke up screaming when he touched me. And you were gone..." He quirks an eyebrow at me over his short whiskey glass. "Where the hell were you anyway? We were both scared shitless and worried out of our fucking minds Clark."

I hear some anger rising in his voice and I hold my palms up. "I'm sorry. I had to go. It was Jor El..." I struggle to find a way to explain without sounding like a corny science fiction novel.

He surprises me when he tilts his head and asks, "You mean your real father? The guy with the..voice?"

"You've heard Jor El? When?"

"How do you think I got to Metropolis so quickly that day you went after Lionel?"

"Jor El?" I gasp.

"Jor el." He takes a sip of his drink and looks over at my dad who still hasn't moved. "What did he want?"

I don't really know what to say. I don't feel it's the right time to be going into detail about something that can wait when there are more pressing matters on hand. I also, don't want to worry Lex. And if my dad can hear what's going on right now, I don't want to worry or disappoint him either. I try to deflect. "That's not important right now. What I want to know is what exactly happened while I was gone that left my father a human statue over there covered in blood?" I wave a hand towards my dad and look at Lex with worried eyes.

He gives me the Luthor look. A look that says 'I know what you're doing and you're not going to get away with it.' But he let's it slide, for now and answers my question. "Well obviously your father needed some explanations. I told him almost everything. I'm sure he was able to guess at the rest though, considering."

I glance over at my dad feeling my face heat up and the panic begin to rise. "He doesn't know that Lionel...I mean...you didn't tell him that he almost..." I gulp and stutter, unable to say it. _Lionel almost raped me_.

I don't have to say it, he knows what I'm trying to say. He's quick to shake his head to try to reassure me. "No, I didn't say anything about that. Though I'm sure he had his suspicions in regards to what Lionel had done to me. And it wasn't easy getting him to calm down, especially with _you_ MIA."

My stomach churns and I groan. Everything had all happened so fast. I hadn't even thought about what all Lionel might have done to Lex before I even woke up. And how the hell could I have slept through it? Why didn't I wake up at the first sound, the first footfall into the bedroom? How could I have slept while he chained us up and did god knows what to Lex. "Oh my god Lex! Did he...did he hurt you? I mean like in that way?" I feel like a child afraid of saying dirty words. But I still can't bring myself to fucking say it.

A shadow moves over his eyes for an instant and he quickly hides behind a smirk. "It's not important Clark. It's over and the son of a bitch won't ever be able to hurt anybody ever again now." He finishes off his drink and turns his back to me as he walks to the bar for a refill.

"That's not exactly a straight answer."

"That's the only answer." His voice is firm and unrelenting. And that's all there is to that...for now. Although, if I think about it I'm not so sure I really want to know.

"That still doesn't fully explain," I wave my had toward my blood soaked dad statue and feel another wave of guilt and worry. "This! Look at him! Where did all of that blood come from?"

"I know." He grimaces and goes to stoop down to look at my dad. "I'm sure he'll be okay. He just...needs some distance right now I think."

He's still not answering my question and it pisses me off. I can't help it, It's almost like being under the influence of the red K. I just shout at him. "God damnit Lex, you're still not answering the fucking question! Where the hell did all the blood come from?"

His eyes widen in shock and he stands up and heads towards me. "Clark calm down."

"I'll calm the fuck down after you answer the damned question!" I hear myself shouting, I feel myself trembling with rage and still I don't know why I'm reacting like this. I don't understand why I can't seem to control it and it's scaring the shit out of me. I feel the burn of tears threaten in my eyes and I clench my fists tight and clench my jaw as the trembling gets worse. My heart pounds in my chest and it's getting hard to breathe. I look at Lex whose face falls and twists with worry. "Lex?" I whisper and reach out for him.

He quickly wraps me up in his solid arms and holds me tight. His voice is calm and soothing as I lay my head on his shoulder and try to stop the shivering. Suddenly I feel very, very cold. Despite the cold that seems right down to my very bones, I break out into a sweat and that only makes me more cold. "It's alright, shh...the adrenaline's probably worn off now and you're starting to feel what you should have been feeling hours ago. It's just all catching up to you all at once. Just try to breathe Clark. Just breathe."

But despite his soothing voice and tight embrace my shivering gets worse. And when he tells me to breathe, an image of Lionel on top of me and Lex telling me to 'just breathe' flashes inside my head. And I start to cry. Lex squeezes me tighter and I know I'm freaking him out, but I can't control it. "Clark?"

I clutch to Lex as though my very life depended on it. I try to apologize for crying and snotting all over his nice shirt but my teeth chatter in my head and I think I'm freezing to death. "S...so...c..cold." I manage to stutter out in between sobs and now I'm out and out choking. I can't seem to breathe there just isn't any air. My heart hammers palpably in my chest and I really think I'm going to die. Then there's a heavy blanket thrown over me, and Lex is being pulled away.

I reach out to grab him and pull him back to me but the blanket is wrapped tight around me. "He's in shock." My father's voice. Calm and steady. "Help me get his legs up."

They move me to the couch and lay me on my back, lifting my legs up onto the high arm of the side. Lex comes to kneel beside me on the floor. His face pale with worry and he speaks softly to me. "It's okay. Just try to relax. Think of someplace nice and warm like the beach on a hot summer's day. And I'm right there with you. And the sun is bright and beating down on your neck."

But I can't focus on what Lex is saying to me. All I can think about is the blood all over my father's clothes and still nobody's told me how it got there. My dad is rubbing my legs frantically, and Lex keeps talking about some sunny beach, which sounds nice but I don't want to hear about it right now. "The blood dad? The blood?" That's all I can manage to get out.

His hands keep working on my legs as he looks up at me with furrowed brows. "Just try to relax son. You need to calm down."

I jerk angrily and shake my head vehemently because I can't get my mouth to move. That was a bad idea because now the room spins around me and I think I might be sick. "Mr. Kent?" Lex's voice is high pitched and panic stricken.

Everything starts to blur and I really think this is the end. I know it's irrational but I refuse to fucking die without getting an answer to my question. With everything in me I muster up enough to gasp out, "The blood?"

The last thing I see is my fathers blurred and stoic face. And his voice is deep and seems to crackle in my ears. "I put Lionel through the wood chipper." And I'm thinking I must have heard him wrong but I don't have time. The darkness creeps in from the edges of my vision and then everything goes simply, black.


End file.
